The Dysfunctionals!

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

2012-01-12T16:28:00.002-07:00

Justin walks upstairs and notices that I've been looking at a leopard print skirt online. I'm sitting on the couch.

Justin: SO, let me guess. You went shopping today and bought a bunch of stuff and hid it in the back of the car hoping I wouldn't notice but they didn't have something in your size so you came home to look it up to see if you could buy it online.

Me, mouth slowly dropping open: HOW DID YOU KNOW!?

No, seriously. He got every possible detail right. I think that's when you've officially been married for far too long.

The Story of the Stockings

2011-12-19T21:56:00.003-07:00

I don't know if I've told this story on the blog and quite frankly, the way this month is playing out it's probably the only post this poor space is going to get and should be a good one. It's one of my favorite stories to tell at Christmas because it puts things in perspective and it's the reason for one of my favorite traditions.

Rewind eight years ago. Justin and I were destitute newlyweds. He was working two jobs and going to school because my immigration work authorization hadn't come through and we had next to nothing in the old bank account. Of course, Christmas was looming and we were stressed over that. I think Justin's *big* present that year was a magazine subscription. Like seriously, we were poor.

Not that Christmas is all about the presents and the money, but we all know what stress can do to the season. I tried to act like I didn't care and had fun decorating my tiny tree. We didn't buy enough ribbon and didn't have the money to buy more, so the ribbon didn't go all the way around the tree -- we just wrapped it back and forth across the front and made do.

One thing I was really bummed about that year was the lack of a stocking. I could handle minimal presents, but in my family, the stocking is one of the best parts of Christmas. My mom went all out and stuffed them so full that the presents would spill out onto the floor and everything was wrapped, even a pack of gum. The stockings are easily my favorite part of Christmas and I was sad that it just wasn't in the newlywed budget.

I was talking to my mom a couple of days before Christmas and I mentioned the fact that we'd be going without stockings and she wouldn't have it. She called me a few hours later to let me know that she was wiring money down to me so we could go buy stocking stuffers for each other and I was so excited.

We received the money on Christmas Eve and since we only had one car, we had to go to the store together. We split up with our carts and arranged to meet back at the car in an hour. I still remember ducking through aisles to try and avoid Justin as I loaded up on all of the usual stocking stuffers and then trying to hide them from each other as we piled the bags into our Jeep Wrangler.

Anyway, it was such a simple and tiny thing... I mean, I think we spent $50 a piece, but those stockings made my first Christmas married and away from home so much more familiar. I don't remember what Justin got me that year, but I remember that I had a stuffed stocking on Christmas morning.

Now, we don't have to scrimp at Christmas time like we once did, but we still reserve stocking shopping for Christmas Eve. We always head down to the store in one car early in the morning and do the same routine, arranging to meet after an hour and sneaking bags into the car while the other isn't looking. It always helps me to remember to be grateful at Christmas time, to slow down and remember that a lot of the time, it's the small things that count. I think about being poor newlyweds and how happy we were with a four foot tree, a few yards of ribbon and full stockings.

Anyway, this is one of those stories that I'll tell my kids (when they're old enough, of course) so I wanted to have it written down somewhere. For richer or poorer, as long as we have a few dollars to fill up each other's stockings, we're doing OK.

Uncharacteristically Crafty

2011-10-17T12:04:00.002-06:00

Easiest. Project. EVER.

I was hoping to spruce up my house for fall but I really don't have any fall decorations. It just seems like a lot of work for me because we go all out with Christmas stuff and I really don't want to do it twice. But still, my house looked a little plain.

My mom was in town and went to the store and came home with a few big pumpkins. I was like ooh, I'll just put them on my big table and be done with it! But it still looked a little too plain.

Finally I dragged out the glue gun and some ribbon and a few sprigs of greenery and did a little doctoring up. Then, I plopped the pumpkin on a cake stand and all of a sudden my house looked ready for fall.

Good enough for the month until I can take out CHRISTMAS STUFF! Eeeeeeee!

A Change!

2011-09-20T13:48:00.002-06:00

I usually post my "Jae's Book Club" posts every few months, but these ones got away from me. Then my awesome friend Nathaly was like "You should post them on Pinterest" and I was like DUH OF COURSE! It makes so much sense because not only can a keep a cleaner list, but I'll link to a place where you can buy the books directly and everyone's happy. I'm right in the middle of a massive stack of books, but I've posted the few books I got through during the summer. You can find them all here:

Jae's Book Club

Don't worry, even those without Pinterest can access. That way no one has to go clicking through all the past posts for book recommendations... I'll post the rest there too in list form.

Does that work!? Enjoy!

Oh yeah...

2011-09-13T13:13:00.004-06:00

SHe poses her own pictures. I had to tell her to tone it down.

Better.

Addison had her first day of school like, three weeks ago and it would probably pretty special if I recorded it somewhere.

I would like everyone to know how brave and super non-emotional I was during the entire process. I am a robot. I have no feelings.

Did anyone believe that? Please?

K, so I totally cried. BUT ONLY because she was taking the bus. Something about seeing her tiny frame climb up the bus stairs just got me. I was never a bus student so I was consumed by thoughts of what the bus was like, if other kids would be nice to here and where she would sit. I even arranged for an older girl in our ward to sit near her and make sure she got to her class OK. Of course, I didn't need any of it, because Addison is social to a psychotic degree and by day two, she had a "best friend" to sit with. Her "best friend" also now likes to show up at our house unannounced, without telling her parents where she's gone, but that's a story for another day.

Three weeks in, she still loves it. She comes home ravenous and tired and Andrew has a mild coronary every time she walks in the door. I'm into this new early waking/get Addison to school/work/gym/lunch routine and I feel ever-so productive. And ever-so tired. But mostly ever-so productive.

Of course, she's also playing soccer and I have stuff going on and my house is a mess. But like, totally blogging productive.

At First...

2011-08-23T09:05:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, as a mom, you're not so quick on the uptake. Too many brain cells burned during pregnancy.

At first...

I thought it was very sweet when Andrew ran to me with a wet cloth and told me he was cleaning. I thought it was even sweeter when he began cleaning our leather couches with said cloth.

And then, as I caught the distinct smell of urine, I realized he'd used his own special water to wet the cloth.

For those who are as slow on the uptake as me, I mean his pee.

Special times.

The Fishin' Hole

2011-08-10T13:37:00.004-06:00

In an effort to be good parents, Justin and I loaded the kids up on Saturday and brought them to a nearby mountain range which just so happens to have a picturesque lake on top. This was our second attempt. The first time we tried, we were driving up the canyon and noticed a car pulled to the side of the road. As we drove by, a tall man completely collapsed onto the road. We turned around to see what was going on and he was a cyclist who had crashed really hard on his bike and dislocated his shoulder, peeled the skin off of his leg and I'm guessing had a raging concussion as well, since he couldn't walk. Justin checked with the other car that stopped and they had called 911, but it turned out we were so far up the canyon the ambulance was worried about getting to him. They asked if we would load him in OUR car and bring him down to find them. We cleaned out the back and Justin tried to help the guy over to our car, but he collapsed again and finally we said "Yeaaaah we're actually not going to do that." When the ambulance finally came, they only had two female paramedics and the man was like 6'4" huge. They needed Justin to help put him on the stretcher and load him into the back. It was pretty high stress and by the time the ordeal was over it was too late to head up the mountain so we went home. Luckily the kids were OK with it and it was a perfect time to teach Addison about how we ALWAYS WEAR HELMETS. I love scare tactics.

Luckily, the next time there were no dire emergencies and we actually made it up to the lake.

Justin spent roughly 3/4ths of the time messing around with fishing poles. Andrew was pretty excited about that.

He was pretty excited about his pose, too.

The pretty pretty lake. We walked all the way around it and had serious discussions about things like chipmunks.

Addie, for being such a girly mcgirlerson, LOVES to play with the worms while I shriek and run away.

Andrew likes to pretend he plays with worms but he's actually scared of them.

Our sole fish. We debated keeping it but decided not to, then threw it back in the water where it went belly up. FAIL.

Now I'm dying to take these two camping... this just in: Having a five year old and a two year old is the best ever.

Extreme Makeover, Log Home Edition

2011-07-18T11:39:00.004-06:00

So it's no secret that we live in what is basically a log cabin. We also live on a mountain, so it kind of works. When we first built the house, we left the logs natural for the most authentic look. Fast forward five years and that authenticity was getting OLD. For one, the logs all aged differently, so it ended up looking like all of these crazy shades of orange. If you know anything about me, you know I hate clutter and I felt that's how the outside of our house looked: cluttered and messy. So we made the massive decision to stain the entire house. It seemed like a great idea at them time: a few weekends and donezo, right? WRONG. Like, 40 gallons of paint and three months later, the world's hugest project was finally finished. And I might pass out with sheer joy over the results.

Here's our house last year. It's alllllright I guess, but you can really see where the logs have aged and gone dark in some spots and it just looked messy. I wanted to live in a log house, not a weird hunting cabin.

And here it is NOW! Ta-da! Do you love it? I think it looks so much cleaner and more modern. And when your house sticks out like ours does, you definitely want it to look a little suburban. Justin, his brother and his dad spent the entire weekend in a lift finishing all the high parts of our house. WHY IS OUR HOUSE SO TALL?

Also, look how big our shrubs have gotten! I feel like their mother. They're so grown up!

I also spent the weekend painting our doors two-tone AND I put on my crafty hat and made a door hanging. WHO AM I?

That all being said, I never knew our house was such a hot topic for people. Just now, I was getting groceries out of the back of my truck when an old, gambling visor-wearing lady marched up to me and demanded to know why we had painted our LOG house. THE HORROR! I just stood there like an idiot and told her it just needed a change, when really I should of said "Um, because my name's on the mortgage and I can do anything I want with it, thanks so much nosey noserson?" As an aside, when someone has spent three months and a large amount of money on home renovations, the correct response is always "It looks great."

Not, "you shouldn't have done that.
Not, "I liked it better before."
Not, "Why did you do that?"

Just "It looks great."

Because it does.

They Might be Related

2011-07-10T17:21:00.002-06:00

This just in: Our kids look exactly alike. I snapped this picture of Andrew before we headed outside the other day but I couldn't shake the feeling that it looked familiar. After paging through some old Facebook albums, I realized it's because Addison used to make the same face when she was a babe.

But don't be fooled: while they may look the same, they act nothing alike.
Addison is a thrill seeker, Andrew is scared of his own shadow.
Addison is sweet and slow to anger, Andrew has a terrible temper.
Addison likes to stay up late and sleep in, Andrew must go to bed early and is up when the sun is.
Addison doesn't like physical contact while Andrew must be touching someone AT ALL TIMES. It's not the slightest bit annoying, I promise.
Addison plans her outfits, Andrew runs around in his diaper 24/7.
Addison is practically vegetarian except for chicken, Andrew begs for steak and sausage on a regular basis.

But... they're both pretty adorable.

Knock Knock

2011-06-29T15:14:00.002-06:00

Two posts in one week OMG it's a MIRACLE! But this had to be documented.

Andrew just told his first knock knock joke and I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. It went something like this.

Andrew: Mom! Mom! (I'll point out that Andrew rarely calls me Mommy. It's always Mom.)

Me: What?

Andrew: Knock knock.

Me (staring blankly until I realized what he was doing) Oh! Who's there?

Andrew: A cow.

Me: A cow who?

Andrew: Moo.

Granted, the joke will not win Last Comic Standing, but I laughed for about 10 minutes afterward.

When kids really start talking, more than just the incomprehensible babble that they come up with until they're two or so, it's like meeting them for the first time. All of a sudden the have opinions and a sense of humor and it's like, oh, hello there!

I bet Dave Chapelle started with knock knock jokes too.

Overwhelming Updates

2011-06-27T15:46:00.003-06:00

Andrew passed out on our trip to Lake Powell

Addison being a super cute summer girl.

Blogging brings up conflicting emotions for me. On one hand, I actually enjoy writing and think that one day, my grate grandchildren might be reading this on their super space iPad3456.7 and enjoying my family history here. On the other hand, once I slip off the blogging bus, I am hit repeatedly with the guilt that I feel for not updating. Also, then I get behind and I sit around and validate my lack of updating by listing out all the things I have to do in my head. Plus there's the whole other blog business. I am horrifically behind on family updates, so I thought I'd get out a few pieces of key information before I start uploading gobs of pictures and whatnot.

Addison is out of school and now I'm faced with endless days where I panic, trying to think of what to do with her. Justin made a comment the other day about my psychotic and precise planning of each day. Literally every hour is planned out and I give myself time limits for everything. Which is especially weird because I stay at home, work and don't have a boss. I am the worst boss of all. It's why I don't have employees. Well, that and I'm not all that profitable. Still, I don't know why but I tell myself I'll only spend 30 minutes in the store and then act like I'm on "Supermarket Sweeps" when it doesn't happen. WHY.

So far, we've spent the summer doing Addison's dance recital business (video to come.. can't wait for you to see what $350 in lessons bought us. Spoiler: I paid too much.), spent hours swimming, gone to like, every park within a 50 mile radius, spent time at the museum pretending to be the educational-type mother and doing a lot of riding bikes up and down the driveway. Oh yeah, and trying to avoid Andrew's mad rages where he tries to bite my arms.

So it's like we've been busy, but not with anything in particular. Just life. I know one of these days it'll calm down. Andrew will go off to preschool next year and I'll have three glorious mornings per week to myself. But for now, it's all Lightning McQueen and chocolate milk and crafts and playing with worms. I'm OK with that, but apparently, my blog is not. Because it has yet to write itself. (Don't be a stupid jerk, blog.) Instead, I'll make a tentative promise to be better, especially now that I have roughly 6 million pictures and videos to sort through over the last month.

I don't want my space grandchildren to think me a slacker.

How to Clean Your House in Three Seconds or Less

2011-06-03T17:32:00.002-06:00

I'll never be known throughout history as the domestic type. I do my best to keep the house clean and cook dinner, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Of course, Justin would love a 50s-type housewife who was waiting at the door in full makeup with slippers and a four course meal.

And then we laughed and laughed.

Anyway, I am very good at keeping up an illusion of a clean house, and when I really want to go the extra mile, I do my three second clean house trick.

Are you ready?

Step One: Choose something large and bulky. Ideal items include an old diaper box, a bag full of clothes for charity, garbage or sleeping bags. Drag them into a prominent area of the house, such as the kitchen or family room.

Step Two: Allow the large item to sit in your chosen room for three or four days. Let it get comfortable. Make it a part of the decor. Require your husband to step over it several times a day.

Step Three: On the third day, remove the item and shove it somewhere where it cannot be seen. My location of choice is the guest room, which is perpetually full of mailing supplies, luggage and winter clothes.

Step Four: Relish the happy smile that appears when your husband gets home from work and notices that the house suddenly looks neater. Then tell him you had a really busy day but had a little time to pick up the house. Then go out and get a Little Ceasar's pizza.

You deserve it.

Music Challenge Day 26

2011-05-25T08:30:00.002-06:00

Almost done and I had one more that needed a backstory!

Day 26 - A song you can play on an instrument.

So, in grade seven, we were all asked to pick an instrument that we'd like to learn how to play. For inexplicable reasons, I chose the trumpet. I still vaguely, vaguely remember how to play. Then, halfway through the year my music teacher approached me and asked if I was willing to switch to the french horn. Apparently no one would play the thing. So I agreed, not having the slightest clue as to what a french horn actually was. I didn't realize it was GINORMOUS and I would have to carry it to and from school. And my family would have to listen to me practice on a daily basis. Still, I tried to be a good sport and as the only french horn player in the school ended up playing in every Christmas/Easter/End of year concert for two years. I was in a brass quartet. YEAH.

When grade eight was winding down and it was time to go to high school, we were asked to pick our electives as part of the registration process. Now, electives were either art-base, performance-based or music-based. I don't have an artistic bone in my body. I chose music and checked "vocal" on the form. I really didn't want to garner a reputation as a french horn player in high school and I have a fair voice, so I thought it would be best.

Fast forward to the first day of school. I realized, with horror, that I had been placed in instrumental music and there were no free spots in vocal. So off I went to band class. While I loved the teacher, my heart wasn't in it. Jupiter from The Planets by Gustav Holst is the only piece I remember learning, probably because it was final exam and I listened to my parents beg me to stop practicing day after day.

So I spent the year with the sexually active band kids, watching the only other french horn player, Patrick, empty his spit valve onto the floor and listening to the crazy/genius music teacher rant about how music is like a roller coaster.

The next year, I took drama.

Music Challenge Day 23

2011-05-20T08:42:00.002-06:00

Yay! Finally another song that needs a back story. The day was for a song that you wanted played at your wedding. Since I totally already got married and don't expect to do it again, I did a song that was played at my wedding. I could have done mine and Justin's wedding song, but I have such a sentimental attachment to my daddy/daughter dance song.

Having four brothers, me and my dad have the classic daddy's girl relationship. He spoiled me terribly growing up and still won't say "no" to me today. When I was born, he bought a record version of "To A Sleeping Beauty" and he hid it away in his dresser bureau until Justin asked him if he could ask me to marry him. Then, he had it transferred to a CD and gave it to me for my wedding.

Utah wedding receptions are totally different than elsewhere. Probably because there are so many weddings here. Seriously. I know when it's truly summer not because of the weather, because of the uptick in wedding invitations we receive. Anyway, we didn't get a chance to do the typical daddy-daughter dance on my wedding day. Luckily, we had our other reception. I slipped the CD to the DJ and when it was time for our dance and it came on, me and my dad just both burst out in tears.

I know it's not a typical song, but my dad is super quiet around our family. This song makes me think all about growing up and being the apple of my dad's eye. Now I have Addison and the song makes even more sense.

So there you go. The song I remember for my wedding isn't mine and Justin's song, but mine and my dad's.

Music Challenge: Day Six

2011-04-27T07:36:00.002-06:00

So day five is clearly missing from the list, but that's only because I wrote out the actual back story on Facebook and I didn't have anything to write here but "Ditto." And then I would have to open Blogger and type "Ditto" and click post and that' s a lot of work for a five letter work, amiright?

Anyway, today is day 6 - a song that reminds you of somewhere.

It's no secret that Justin and I dated long distance for 10 months before we were engaged. Long distance relationships are officially THE WORST. We spent more time on silent phone calls than I cared to admit. Having a boyfriend that lives 3,000 miles away put a major damper on my social life. So when we were able to spend time together (by my count, six times before were were married, OMG) we packed so much stuff into the week in order to squeeze out some semblance of a normal relationship.

One week Justin came to visit and we headed up to Niagara Falls. Now, the Falls are really pretty and everyone should see them once. But the best part? Tourist crap. I love me some specialty stores and rides and funhouses. Yes, I am six. So we drove up one day and Justin bought me the latest Lifehouse CD. We listened to it on repeat as we became hopelessly lost and I heard the song Spin 90,000 times. Not only does it remind me of Niagara, but it's a perfect depiction of me and Justin in general.

It was also really cold that day, so every time I hear it I feel like I need to put on a sweater. Is that weird?

Music Challenge - Day Four

2011-04-25T08:35:00.002-06:00

Day 04 - a song that makes you sad.

I am one of those people who becomes inexplicably affected by music. When I was a teenager, I made CDs for every possible mood ever. If I wanted to feel pumped up, I'd pop in my "Hyper" CD and listen to terrible songs like "Strange Disease" by Prozac. If I wanted to go to sleep, I would pop in "Sleep" and crash while listening to Radiohead. And if I wanted to feel sad and depressed? I'd listen to Vertical Horizon. That band is physically incapable of writing a song that doesn't make me want to lie in bed all day, eating chips and watching Pride and Prejudice on repeat (the Keira Knightley version. I'm not a P&P snob and it's prettier than the BBC version.)

Because of this, I believe "Best I Ever Had" is the saddest song of life. With "Everything You Want" as a close second. It doesn't remind me of anyone or anything, it just makes me want to cry. And I'm an ugly, splotchy crier so let's not do that.

I might burst into tears. Anyone up for a sad movie marathon?

Music Challenge - Day Three

2011-04-22T07:59:00.003-06:00

A song that makes you happy.

I would have to go with Mika's "Big Girl You Are Beautiful."

See, while most people sing in their car (and don't get me wrong, I totally hold American Idol tryouts while driving,) I also dance a lot in my car. Well, as much as you possibly can while controlling a very large piece of machinery.

Since I often have late nights while driving, one way I stay alert is to crank up Mika and dance like an idiot while driving through the extensive corn fields that lead to my house. Not only does it keep me awake, but I'm pretty sure it discourages local police from pulling me over for speeding.

Because clearly, I'm demented.

Music Challenge - Day Two

2011-04-21T09:44:00.002-06:00

Your least favorite song.

My number ONE pet peeve when it comes to music or celebrities in general is when rich, attractive superstars tell me that I should feel good about myself. Uh, thanks completely irrelevant person.

You see, I come from what can only be explained as a hyper-confident family. Confident bordering on cocky. Fine, we're just plain arrogant. I get super annoyed when a pop star presumes to tell me that I'm special. KTHANKS I know that.

I just hate to think that we live in a world where the general population needs to get confidence lessons from celebrities. They are barely real, people. My mom told me when I was like, five that I was special. So no thanks Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and Pink. I got this.

Therefore, my most hated song is Firework by Katy Perry. It's not anymore self-lovey than the others, but I find her voice fairly annoying. She shouts a lot. Born this Way and Perfect are up there on the list of hated songs as well. Although after watching Disney Channel all day every day, the Selena Gomez one has grown on me. Plus she's just so darn adorable.

Music Challenge - Day One

2011-04-20T08:23:00.002-06:00

So everyone and their mother is doing the Facebook music challenge. The problem is, I have so many back stories and whatever to everything that I don't have the space to truly explain my choices. I am long winded like that. SO! I'll post the real stories over here.

Day 01 - Your favorite song.

My favorite song, hands down, is u2 - With or Without You.

I started loving this song when I was 14 years old and pretty much in love with a boy that I knew. We were very good friends and were in the same general social circle and went to dances all the time. And for some reason, we always ended up dancing to With or Without You. So right away, I hear it and am turned into a 14 year old gawky girl again. You'd think I wouldn't want to remember when I was awkward and looked slightly like a boy, but the song comes on the radio and I must listen.

Also, now I'm like seriously? I had terrible taste in boys at age 14. But didn't we all? Unless you met your husband at age 14, in which case how sweet.

Fast forward 10 years. Justin and I were at an activity and we were doing a Newlyweds type game with some friends. Friends who were very straight laced and proper. When they asked the question "What is your wife's favorite song," Justin wrote mine down immediately. I sat there racking my brain. What was my favorite song? What would Justin THINK was my favorite song. Finally, when it was my turn to answer, I blurted "Drop It Like It's Hot." I believe the person running the game said, "Um, I've never heard of that song." I was so embarrassed when Justin read his answer of "With or Without You" and I yelled "NO! He's right! That IS my favorite song." But by then I'd painted myself as a Snoop Dogg fan and sorry, but that's a hard label to remove.

Friday Confessional

2011-03-25T14:17:00.002-06:00

Umm yeah let's dust off this one. What gems could you possibly not know about me by now, I wonder? How about:

-I believe I am the last known fan of Lou Bega. Seriously, Mambo #5? How did that song ever go off the air? When I was like 15, I had a Lou Bega doll. Who sang. And danced. And I had no friends.
-Baby photo contests annoy me. YES WE ALL THINK YOUR KID IS CUTE. Stop needing validation. Can I go back to sharing videos like this on Facebook? PS when you send me a link I never vote. Passive resistance y'all.
- I'm a better comedian than I am empathizer. That is to say, if you're having a bad day, don't call me to commiserate. I suck at it. Instead, call me to listen to me make fun of you and your life until you laugh. I can handle that. Otherwise I get awkward and sweaty.
-Nearly everything makes me feel awkward and sweaty.
-Losing to my brother at iPhone scrabble makes me want to punch a puppy. I AM SMARTER.
-I love watching the news. Not because I need to know current events, but because I love watching newscasters flub their lines and try to create witty banter. It's so unnatural and I love every minute of it.
-I wake up every morning to Dave Matthew's Band's "Angel." It's soothing, OK?
-I'm a pretty terrible cook. Like, I can make a passable meal... but I hate the process and the cleanup so anytime Justin suggests getting a pizza I pretend like I had a big dinner planned while calling in an order. "I don't know... I was going to make mushroom-topped steaaaa - hi, can I get a large pepperoni?"
-Teen Mom makes me cry.
-Hallmark commercials make me cry.
-My brothers relaying secondhand sad stories makes me cry. This makes them laugh.

You know, that felt pretty good! Maybe the Friday Confessional will be coming back out to play more often!

Jae's Book Club

2011-03-17T12:34:00.007-06:00

So one of the things I love about my iPhone is the Words With Friends app. It allows you to play long, leisurely games of scrabble with your friends. I'll make a word, send it over, and my brother will get a notification and plug in a word whenever he has time.

Except there's one problem. I LOSE EVERY TIME. I also play with Ryan's BFF (life partner). HE BEATS ME TOO. So I felt the need to do a book post to console myself and prove that I am well-read, even if I can't figure out how to get a triple word score on the word "Quinoa."

This last round of books that I read were especially good, so I'm pretty excited about sharing them. I've already loaned out a bunch because I'm like OMG YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK until my friends feel awkward and uncomfortable and take it for goodness sakes. But good books do that to me. UNLESS of course you're in Walmart waiting in line and there's a huge bin of $1 books beside you and you challenge your husband to find the crappiest one and you'll buy it.

This may or may not have happened to me.

It was VERY crappy. I wish I could wash my brain.

Anyhow, these books were all much, much better.

The 19th Wife - David Ebershoff

For some reason I though I had already done this book on one of my lists, but apparently not. I read this the last time I was flying to Canada and I imagined that if anyone asked me about it, they would find it odd that a Mormon chick was reading up on polygamy. While the LDS Church is actually staunchly against polygamy, it has a long history with the practice. This book is completely fictional, but has a lot of early Church history. Instead of being worried about slander and bad press, I read with an open mind and instead came to new understandings of the Church's original stance on polygamy in general. The downside was that the book flip flops between current times and the 1800s, which I found unnecessary. The historical fiction would have sufficed, since the rest was basically fluff and sensationalism.

A Gate at the Stairs - Lorrie Moore

I actually found this book to be curious. The main character has little to no character development at all, that is to say that I didn't feel like I knew anything about her at all. But I think it made the book more interesting. It was about a girl who takes on a job as a nanny for an adopted child and her flawed parents. The story itself is heartbreaking, but the actual book seems unsympathetic. That is a super unclear way of describing it, but there you go. I still liked it, even if I don't plan on reading it again.

Roses - Leila Mecham

ZZZZZOMG this is the book I've been attacking everyone to read. I picked it up because it was huge and I figured 650 pages would keep me busy for a while. Too bad I blasted through it in two days flat. I was so obsessed that I ignored everyone and everything. It's about three Texan families in the early1900s who essentially build a town together. The resulting story is very Gone With the Wind. I audibly gasped like 900 times while reading it and cried twice. This, 100 percent, is my pick for a vacation or beach book. It is delicious.

Wench - Dolen Perkins-Valdez

If you liked The Help, which just about EVERYONE did, you'll like Wench. Wench is about slave owners who bring their slave women to a resort every summer (historically accurate.) There, they act like married couples. What I liked most about the book was the picture painted as a moral dilemma for slave women. When they were treated well, did they even want their freedom? The story of planning an escape was amazing to read, but I was saddened by the ending. It's a really interesting angle on an oft-told story.

Snow Falling on Cedars - David Guterson

I picked this up at one of my used bookstore jaunts. I love buying used books because I buy so many on a whim and find tons of good books this way. Snow Falling on Cedars is an old book and was made into a movie in the 90s. I've never seen the movie but I have a habit of buying books if I knew they were movies too. Weird. Anyway, the story is about Japanese Americans after WW2 and their detainment. When a fisherman turns up dead, a Japanese man is accused and the town is thrust back into the racism and discrimination that existing during the war. Very haunting and it fulfilled my strange need for war stories.

Mirror, Mirror - Gregory Maquire

Yup, another fairy tale by our dear friend Gregory. I've read both Wicked and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. While I think Wicked is generally complicated and that's why it turns a lot of people off, I thought Confessions was WAY too simplistic. Mirror, Mirror hits right about center. It has some of the politics of Wicked, but focuses more on the story. Obviously, it's Snow White. I found the way the dwarves were portrayed was especially interesting.

The Girls - Lori Lansens

I bought and read this book years ago but I just reread it. I forgot how good it was. It's the story of conjoined twins and how they live their lives together, including having relationships, separate feelings and hopes for the future. For being fictional, it was the closest I'll ever get to walking up to conjoined twins and asking "How....what do you....why...." like an idiot.

O, Pioneers - Willa Cather

K, so obviously Will Cather is one of the greatest American writers and O, Pioneers has been around FOREVER, but I had been looking and looking for a copy every time I went to the used bookstore, since I had read it once before and never had a copy for myself. Finally I found one and bought it on the spot, so I could come home and read it slowly. Cather's writing is so simple that it's a refreshing break from the flowery language and forced modernism of a lot of other writers. (*cough* Dave Eggers *cough*) Love the story and love the writing.

Last Night in Twister River - John Irving

Oh, my obsession with John Irving knows no bounds. So I read Widow for One Year and was like, WTH John Irving? Then I read Cider House Rules and swooned everywhere because it was so beautiful. Then I picked up Twister River and liked it so much that I also bought A Prayer for Owen Meany (which I am reading right now.) John Irving is the writer equivalent of sushi - an acquired taste. Now that I understand his writing better, I enjoy his books more. Twisted River is about three generations of men who commit a crime and spend their entire lives running from it. And, as always, Canada is mentioned... YAY CANADA!

Fall of Giants - Ken Follett

Ooh, I love me some Ken Follett. I love to read broad, epic novels and his Pillars of the Earth and Worlds Without End are two of my faves. They seriously helped me get through six weeks of hospital bedrest. With this book, he departs from medieval fiction to World War 1 (yes, more wars. Oh how I love them.) I know a fair amount about WW2, but WW1... not so much. This book follows four families from different countries as the war affects them in different ways. This is the first of a trilogy and I cannot WAIT to get my hands on the next.

The Postmistress - Sarah Blake

K, well now you're going to think I'm really obsessed with wars, because I bought this book about a postmistress who filtered mail during the second world war. Set in both England and the United States, the story bounces back and forth from a female reporter who captures the stories of the war by riding on the refugee trains across Europe, and the postmistress for a small town affected by the war. This was another book that had me bawling because it was so focused on the minor characters and stories involved. It was a quick read, but it stayed with me.

Room - Emma Donoghue

When I heard the premise for this book, I went ahead and pre-ordered it. It's the story of a woman who is abducted and held by her kidnapper for years in a shed. During that time, she gives birth to a boy, and does her best to ensure that his life is as normal as possible. Just the descriptions of the day-to-day activities were fascinating. I won't give away the end, by telling you what I thought about it, only that it was an interesting angle to consider the next time the media blows open a story about an abductee finding her way home.

Well... that should keep you busy, right? I already have three books that I'm reading or that are waiting patiently on my night stand. Poor Justin never sees me when I've got something new to read.

My Girl

2011-03-07T15:17:00.002-07:00

Finally, the month of February is over. All this week I only have two or three things scheduled and I am So. Happy. I can finally stop getting up at 5:45 am in order to squeeze every possible moment out of the day. Today I heard my phone alarm go off at 6 and I just snuggled deeper under the covers.

The end of the month was Addison's birthday. Fun fact, anytime I mention that Addie's birthday is on the 28th of February, someone says that if she had been born a day later, she would have been born on a leap year. NO. She was not born in a leap year. That's the thing about leap years. They only happen every four years. Explaining this to people without making them feel idiotic is nearly impossible.

ANYWAY, after he big friend party on Friday and her family party on Sunday, we decided to keep it low key for her actual birthday. We left all of her decorations up and let her pic the activity for the day. She wanted to go to the aquarium so Justin took a half day off and we trekked north to look at sea creatures. They have a penguin exhibit which is probably the most adorable thing of life and I went straight for the seahorses which are the best things ever. We topped it all off with a pizza shaped like a 5 and giving Addie her "big" present, which was a real bike.

There is no way I feel old enough to have a five year old. I remember blogging about being pregnant with Addison. I should have known that she would be a mellow kid because my pregnancy with her was so perfect and easy. My doctor would tell me that my body was meant to be pregnant and I would beam with pride. Of course later on we would find out that I'm really NOT that great at being pregnancy, but that's another story.

Addison is a funny kid. She has a lot of personality and maturity packed into her super small little body. She's my shadow and my mini-mi. To sum her personality up in a nutshell would be to point out that she never asks if she can help me, she always says "I can help you." Addison is always willing to pitch in. She is even-tempered (clearly she got that from me) has an awesome memory and is pretty smart. The other day she told me she spelled "dolphin" and brought me a paper that said d-o-f-i-n. I'll take it! I also have to watch what I'm listening to in the car with her around. She loves to sing and yesterday I got her dressed in her black and yellow dress and she started singing this. She is a classy girl. She also has an awesome sense of humor and is very sarcastic. Definitely not from me.

Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick little note about how awesome she is. Not for bragging rights, just so one day, when she's 16 and sneaking out with her boyfriend and stealing the car, I'll remember that when she was five, she was a dear.

To see pics from our February craziness, click here!

My Boy

2011-02-21T14:36:00.004-07:00

So Andrew turned the big 0-2 last Wednesday and things have just barely calmed down enough for me to post pictures and whatnot. Luckily Addison's birthday is on Monday so we get to ramp up production again in like , two days. NEVER HAVE KIDS IN THE SAME MONTH!

Andrew is a hilarious baby. Justin and I were just saying that neither of us thought he would be such a clown. I always say that thing with twins is that there's always an evil one. We're starting to think that Andrew is the evil twin and Thomas would have been more docile. Because Andrew is just a noisy tornado wherever he goes. I never thought I'd LOVE having a boy the way I do. But planning his dump truck birthday was so fun after planning four princess-related birthdays.

We just had the family over for pizza and cake. Andrew loved all of the attention from his cousins so we barely even saw him except for singing happy birthday. He is just a cool little kid. He's super mellow and happy 99.9999 percent of the time. He's very much into Diego and can say five in Spanish like 341 times per day. Super fun, gang. Also, yesterday in church he yelled "OH MY GOSH!" very loudly. Yeah, this is what I'm dealing with here.

I'm actually super excited. I don't buy into the terrible twos because after you live with an 18 month old baby who can't communicate, the second year is like cake for me. I love talking, independent children. Especially one like Andrew, who says hilarious things.

Anyway, without getting too bloggy mom-ish, I need to record somewhere how much I love my cool little guy. I have such a special relationship and appreciation for him. Whenever he says something new or gives an unsolicited hug I about burst into tears. The thing is, when someone tells you that your baby won't survive, it turns every little thing that he does into a minor miracle. To sing happy birthday to my two year old boy was the best feeling in the world. Plus, I got to eat cake after. Even better.

Here's some pics! Just ignore their darkness... I haven't had a chance to fool around with them in Photoshop. OH MY LIFE.

Andrew's dump truck / high traffic cone cake. Ignore the discrepancy in scale. Those are just really large cones.

Oh, thanks for the BATTLEAXE Sheriece and Shane. Spoiler alert! I'm giving Carter a canon for his birthday.

Andrew being goobery about Diego. He has a man crush. All day he asks me for
"Giego".

Covered in cake. That kid is skilled with utensils. He's actually an advanced eater. Some might call him gifted.

The dining room. I found road signs and dump trucks and construction hats and now what the heck am I supposed to do with them?

The kidlets chowing down. We had candy in the dump trucks. Then I sent dump trucks home with the kidlets because we don't actually need five dump trucks.

Andrew hanging out, checking out the balloons. Let it be known that this is the only way he sits in his high chair. Cake.

That's my boy.

Helicopter Mom

2011-02-09T15:20:00.003-07:00

Today I went over to McDonald's near Justin's work to meet with him for lunch. The kids needed to get out but it is ungodly cold outside so I did the next best thing: Playland.

Now, a McDonald's Playland is like this tiny little universe in and of itself. As a mom, I've learned where I need to sit and what I need to do while I'm there. Because in a place like Utah, when everyone has 14 kids, Playland is prime real estate. And usually it's fine. Moms exchange embarrassed glances and apologize to each other when their kid is the one screaming or wiping boogers or pushing other kids. Whatever. I get it.

Justin took the kids into the screaming abyss of Playland while I ordered food. Happy Meals for everyone! When I came in with the tray I could tell he was watching someone. When I asked, he said that a little three-year-old boy had tripped over a just-walking baby, and the mom of the baby had taken him and sat him down at a table until she could talk to his mother.

K, first of all... WHAT THE HECK.

So, Justin and I totally watched while this crazy mom stared down this CHILD for something he probably forgot that he did. When a little old lady appeared, it was clear that he was there with his grandma. The mom lit into the poor grandma, explaining that her grandson had made her baby fall. The grandma was mortified, understandably, and stood her grandson up to apologize. Guys, he was literally THREE. He had no idea what was going on. A strange lady was yelling at him. And she just stood there waiting for an apology. I wanted to smack her mom hair right off of her head.

So whatever, apparently she got her apology and was satisfied, so she put her baby back on the floor and commenced watching, hovering like a helicopter. I don't know about you, but I deposit my children in Playland to ignore them completely, actually. About five minutes later another child had tripped over her baby and she had yet another meltdown. The mom, not the baby. The baby was actually quite happy. I feel like she would have gotten the idea that maybe it was no longer a good idea to put her baby on a floor full of screaming children in running shoes, but to each his own.

Meanwhile, Addison and Andrew were blissfully off playing adult-free. While Andrew was climbing up a small set of stairs, another boy his age reached up and grabbed his shirt to get past him. Of course, Andrew started crying. Toddlers do that sometimes.

And here's what annoyed me the most. When Andrew started crying, the crazy lady started staring at ME to see what I would do. Justin was en route to get a drink, so I figured he would make sure Andrew was OK. But besides that, I don't like the idea that you have to jump up and break up every little child altercation. It's a big part of social development to make sure kids can deal with certain situations. As a parent, it's my job to protect my kids from other adults and even older kids, but I don't see the need in protecting them from babies.

So Justin went over, picked up and Andrew and distracted him with a hamburger (so typical.) When he came to sit down, the lady turned to me and said, "Is he alright? I totally saw that other boy push him." I could tell she wanted me to complain about the other children with her.

"He's fine." I said. That's what kids do. We got up and left. I wonder now if that mom is writing her own blog about the mom that didn't care that her child was crying in a McDonald's Playland. I guess to each her own when it comes to parenting. If you want to fight all of your child's battles, go right ahead. But don't rain on everyone else's parade too.

Yeah...

2011-02-01T15:46:00.003-07:00

After deciding that there was no earthly way for me to catch up on blogging after the holidays, I posted all of our pictures here for your viewing pleasure. There's also a delightful commentary.

The most exciting thing that happened to us over the weekend is that Andrew sprained his ankle. We were at Wendy's when it happened, which bothers me. I wish we could have been somewhere cooler because I've only had to tell the story 100 times. He was standing in our booth and walking along the seat. When he got to the end he didn't realize that it ended and fell onto his foot. He seemed OK. He did the "Andrew cry" that lasts about 10 seconds and we went on our way. When we went to the next store we had to hit, he totally collapsed on the floor screaming. I felt so bad. We took him home to rest and the next morning he still wouldn't put any weight on it. We hauled him down to the doctors for an x-ray. It wasn't broken but it was a bad sprain. The doc wrapped it and we've been keeping it that way.

The worst part about the whole thing is that Andrew hasn't been able to walk. It's torture for all of us. I took the kids swimming yesterday and had to carry Andrew the entire time. Imagine carrying a 30 lbs. bag of lard. That's what carrying Andrew around feels like. My arms better be toned after all of this. He's also regressed to crawling, which makes him look like a pretty special child. He's this giant baby. I am ready for his ankle to heal up. I was enjoying my freedom.

Just another day in the life of the world's best mom.

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

2011-01-23T12:55:00.001-07:00

Me and Justin, discussing going out with some of our best friends that we hadn't seen in a while.

Jacqueline: I'm excited to go out tomorrow night! We haven't seen them in forever.

Justin: I know.

Jacqueline: We'd probably go out more if you actually liked other people.

Justin: What? I like lots of people!

Jacqueline: Oh really? K, name one person you like RIGHT NOW.

Justin: Jesus.

He Speaks!

2011-01-10T16:03:00.001-07:00

Andrew has been talking up a storm lately. Besides announcing to our congregation at church that he has pooped, he's learned from Addison to talk to strangers. Today I took the kids to the library in an effort to get them out of the house with my having to actually go outside (totally worked, btw, a library card is a marvelous thing.) The librarian is pretty familiar with us now, as we live in a small town and I'm the lady who lets her children run rampant while she reads in front of the fireplace. She has a little step stool at the counter so she can give the little kids a dinosaur stamp which sends the A's into fits of glee. While I was checking out four movies, four dinaosuar books and a book about dads (really? No "I love mom" books? Whatever.) Andrew hopped up on the steps stool. He had a conversation. It went like this.

Andrew: HI!

Librarian: Hi, little boy! What's your name?

Andrew: Addison!

And you know what? I just pretended that his name was Addison because I didn't feel like explaining it and the REAL Addison was hitting the handicapped door button repeatedly and I wanted to leave. Equals why it was smart to give my daughter a unisex name.

Score one point for me!

I did, however, spend the entire ride home coaching Andrew on saying his own name. I would say Andrew, and he would laugh and say Addison. And in other name-confusing news, last night the very same Andrew was trying to steal money out of Addie's piggy bank and I heard her yell "ANDREW JAE!"

Yeah, Jae is HER middle name.

Sweet mother, my kids are having identity crises.

And Now, a Barrage of Super-Late Christmas Posts

2011-01-04T07:38:00.002-07:00

I swear I thought I *just* posted here, but alas, I have ALL of Christmas to catch up on. I swear, one day my kids better be like "OH MOM! Thanks for blogging about our whole childhood so we can read about it now! Here's a trip to Hawaii." It seems feasible, right?

Anyway, this year we did our annual trip up to Salt Lake to see family and have our Santa party. I realized this the Santa they get reminds me of the "You'll shoot your eye out, kid" Santa from A Christmas Story, but the kids like him. I think he's too loud.

First you get an adorbs pic of Andrew just being himself. He has a funny way of smiling without an overbite and it makes me laugh. Seriously, he's been talking so much lately that I'm feeling nostalgic. I was hoping to keep him a small baby forever. Although I am loving the part where I don't want to bang my head against the wall because he's whining and I don't know what he wants.

When we first got to the part Andrew was all "Heck no I'm not sitting on the strange man's lap."

But then he had presents, so it was OK. Just like we talked about in stranger danger.

Addison ended up with the antlers and Rudolph nose AGAIN this year, even though he clearly asked for children who had not had them three years in a row. Oh well.

Honestly, I have no idea how we're related to about 80 percent of the people who come to this party, but Addison was happy enough to play with anyone she had never met before.

It was weirdly balmy the few weeks before Christmas, so it didn't feel all that Christmasy. Then we got like, five feet of snow and I'm like K WE GET IT, IT'S WINTER. And I'm even a winter lover. We did have a white Christmas though and it was all picture postcard-y and lovely and I have Christmas morning pictures to come if I can find both my camera and its cord. That is a very large if.

Snow Day

2010-12-16T15:18:00.002-07:00

It's been snowy since November where I live, but the snow all melted and we had downright balmy weather the past couple of weeks. While it was nice not having to place my children in astronaut worthy snowsuits everywhere we went, it also wasn't very Christmasy. And I am a Christmas purist. Bing Crosby taught me well. And YES I've already watched White Christmas and YES I cried like a baby when General Waverly walks into the ballroom and his troops are there. IT'S EMOTIONAL.

...he has so many friends....

OK, back on point. Anyway, we got eight inches of real, live packing snow yesterday and Addie and I went to enjoy it all. What you must understand is that Utah snow is very dry. It falls in these glittery, powdery tufts and there is no way to make a snowman out of it. Usually I just leave it on my car and let it blow onto the car behind me while I drive down the freeway. Sorry, suckers, I'm 5'4" and can't reach the top of my car and you're going to have to deal with it. But yesterday's snow was (what I thought was, anyway) packing snow, so I promised Addison we'd make a snowman.

Now, at home in Canada, you rolled a snowball twice and it was the size of your car. So making a snowman was a 15 minute project, at best. Well, apparently Utah packing snow isn't as hardy, because it took me about 90 minutes to make the bottom alone. I finally filled a milk jug and started wetting the snow before I rolled the snowball. In typical child fashion, Addie lost interest and spent the rest of the time sledding off the back of the driveway.

Oh well.

Whatever, it's the cutest snowman ever made.

Even if it is only two feet tall.

Kids in snow gear are adorable as long as they don't have to pee.

I officially love the "snow" setting on my camera.

Anyway, apart from the fact that it looks like we have a small child in our front yard, I would say our snowman making session was a success. And I'm far too lazy to go take him apart, so I'm just going to have to wait until he melts to get my scarf back.

Name That Dinosaur!

2010-12-09T16:51:00.002-07:00

This is one of the posts that I know I'll want to look at when Addison is grown up and moved out and I'm feeling depressed that didn't have a family of 18.

So, let's play name that dinosaur!

Addison has become fairly obsessed with dinosaurs in the last three months or so. In fact, the librarian knows her well now and knows which new books Addie would like. Then she picks out a few books on kitties and princesses to appease me. She also is into drawing dinosaurs. Let's see if you can guess which is which. Find the answers in the comment section, and no cheating!

Picture A

Picture B

Picture C

Picture D

Pretty good, right?

Jae's Book Club

2010-11-30T15:10:00.005-07:00

Well, it's been a month or two since my last book post, so I have my latest crop of books rounded up and ready to do. I swear, that used bookstore in the mall has changed my life. It's like a steady supply of new books for $4. My home library is massive at this point. I'm trying to talk Justin into installing the fireplace and putting ceiling-height bookcases on either side to house them all. One day, one day.

The Hours: Michael Cunningham

Hello? This book won the Pulitzer. It was bound to be good. Although, if you're looking for a good *story* to read, don't read this book. It moves very slowly while alternating between the lives of three women, Virginia Woolf being one of them. But it was thought provoking and the surprise ending was fairly amazing. It just took a lot of reflection to get there. I'm glad I read it anyway, just to know that I did. lol.

The Help: Kathryn Stockett

If you haven't already picked this book for your book club, please do so. It is SO good. A friend of mine was raving about it, so I picked it up. It's about paid black maids in the early 1950s. Of course, things were at the tipping point then, so there's a lot of turmoil. When a white writer decides to write about the maids, she has to do so in private with a few cooperative black women. When I finished the book, I was totally crying, but what else is new?

Outliers- Malcolm Gladwell

If you know me at all, you know that my tastes in books are strictly fiction-based. I prefer modern fiction and rarely read non-fiction at all. But the last time I was in Canada, my brother Ryan gave me this book and it blew my mind. Justin and I discussed its concepts for weeks because it was so interesting. It's basically about how circumstances, upbringing and even your birthday can have a bearing on your level of success. It is CRAZY and impeccably researched. I can't wait to read more of his stuff.

Underground to Canada: Barbara Smucker

OK, so I have this goal to create a library for Addison, so that when she gets older, she can read the books I did as a kid. Granted, I was reading about slavery at age 10 and not Judy Blume, but I am so glad I had the opportunity to read such good books when I was young. Anyway, I just found a copy of "Underground to Canada" and read it in a couple of hours. It's a story about a slave girl who takes the Underground Railway to Canada after escaping her master. I must have read this book 600 times in elementary school and I can't wait to read it with the A's. When they are much, much older.

The Annunciation of Francesca Dunn: Janis Hallowell

I bought this book the day before we headed to Lake Powell because I wanted something light to read, and I really enjoyed it. It wasn't as "deep" as a lot of the books I read but it was entertaining. It's about a girl who is called an angel by a homeless man, and everyone starts to believe that she's a deity. She first thinks it's nuts, but slowly begins to believe it herself. A really quick and interesting read.

Nora Jane: Ellen Gilchrist

Nora Jane isn't one book but rather a collection of stories by Gilchrist surrounding her popular Nora Jane character. The book spans her entire life, and I liked reading about it in bits and pieces. Where I did find her characters a little inconsistent, I loved that the book gave you glimpses into the family's lives, along with the lives of their friends, neighbors and acquaintances. I especially loved that I could put it down and pick it up to read an entirely new story.

Little Children - Tom Perrotta

If you'll remember, this was turned into a movie, and I believe Kate Winslet was nominated for an Oscar for her role. Honestly, I was surprised that something so dishy could have become Oscar material, because this book is like reading 300 pages of gossip. Of course it was thought provoking in places, but mostly it was centered around parents who basically act like children. For what the book is named, very little of the book is about the children. It's suburban and very gritty.

Drowning Ruth: Christina Schwarz

This was one of the most haunting books I've ever read. It's funny, because I read "The Book of Ruth" a few months ago, and for both having Ruth in the title, they had the same kind of mood. It's about a woman who is left to raise her sister's daughter after her sister drowns under a frozen lake. The circumstances surrounding the drowning are revealed bit by bit, almost as if the main character is allowing herself to remember slowly. I had trouble putting this down.

For Kings and Planets: Ethan Canin

Ethan Canin is the author of "America, America," which is a book that I am in love with. What I loved about this book is that the most interesting character was not the main character. In fact, the main character is fairly dull, allowing the other characters to tell the story. It's about lies that we tell ourselves, friendship and it's basically a coming of age story, which are almost always my favorites.

My Name is Memory: Ann Brashares

Ugh, I had such high hopes for this book and they just didn't pan out. I mean, the plot sounds great: A man who can remember his past lives spends each life searching out the same girl and convincing her that they are past lovers. But it was so, so poorly executed. The story felt rushed and trite and silly at times. Honestly, I thought Brashares was trying way too hard for a Bella and Edward story, as if that were the holy grail or something. AND THEN the book so ends obviously leaving room for a sequel that I was reminded of the stories I used to write in grade two... "TO BE CONTINUED....." It was awful. I GUESS if you like fluffy romance reads you might like this. It was just too amateurish.

Daniel's Story: Carol Matas

Here's another one for the kid library. I specifically remember reading this at age 11 because it was required in my grade five class by my favorite teacher (who is likely reading this now.) I scored this copy and read it through with a box of kleenex. A story of a boy and his family during the Holocaust, it was my first exposure to WWII and I credit the story and the frank discussions my teacher had with us about the gruesome details with my interest in war history in general. It's a historically accurate account that is eye opening.

Unwind: Neal Shusterman

One of my friends recommended this book to me so I had to pick it up. (Note: if you recommend a book to me, I will read it. Always) I really liked it actually. I was fresh off of finishing the last Hunger Games book and craving another futuristic-type book. This one, about parents who are given the option to "unwind" or basically part out their adolescent children, in exchange for the banishment for abortion, was crazy. And one of the most interesting parts was that it seems so realistic, but many chapters start with news stories and facts relating to the book. Really cool, and a must if you liked The Hunger Games, etc.

A Very Long Engagement: Sebastien Japrisot

This is an old book. I found my copy at (where else?) the used bookstore. I'd heard of the book and never read it, and it ended up becoming my favorite of the last batch. Going along with my interest in wars, this is a story of WWI. A young girl receives word that her fiance has died in a strange way, and she sets about trying to find out if he's still alive. It could be considered a mystery, except that it is far too beautiful a book to be campy. If you like historical fiction, definitely read it.

The Cider House Rules: John Irving

Remember how I read "A Widow for One Year" and didn't really like it? I mean, Irving is an American literature great, but I just didn't get that book. This book, I got. I kind of mourned when it was over. Especially with the last line. K, I'll be straight up here. The book centers heavily around abortion and medical procedure and that might make you uncomfortable. But the stories! I loved this book. I haven't seen the movie, but I don't want to... I feel like Charlize Theron will spoil it for me.

That's it for now. Is anyone even reading still? lol. Man, I am long read and even longer winded.

Peanut

2010-11-22T21:33:00.003-07:00

One thing that you should know about me is that I make nicknames up for EVERYONE. I think it started back when I was a boy crazy teenager. My friends and I would go to one of those restaurants that has butcher paper over the table, and a plastic cup full of crayons for drawing. It was mine and my friends' tradition to scribble down the name of the boy that we liked at the time. Since it changed so often, I, to this day, have a stack of butcher paper slips with the nicknames of various boys that me and my friends were momentarily madly in love with. Half of the time, we didn't even know their names. It was things like "Waiter Boy," "G-Dawg" and "Mike"... but his name was really John and weird, lame stuff like that. And I still refer to certain people from my past. My high school friends will remember someone called "Jen Eliot Boy" and I call my best friend "Nar Bar" and my little brother "Ton." Also, one of my friends used to refer to me as Diablo Champignon, or Devil mushroom. K? I think I've illustrated the point very well. I enjoy weird nicknames.

So, I still have a tendency to give people nicknames. More often than not, it's to differentiate between people I don't know well. Almost everyone I see at the hospital gets a nickname, since more often I can tell them apart for their various diagnoses than their actual names. I went through a period where I consistently called a dad "Paul Bunyan" because he had the tendency to tell these stories which could not possibly be true. Like one time, he ate berries with a bear. I'm not kidding.

This habit extends to my children. They get weird nicknames all the time, and you can hear me screaming them in Target when I've lost Andrew for the 900th time. In that minute. The problem is, people here in Utah give their kids such freak names that sometimes, I'm afraid people think that I've actually named my kids whatever I'm yelling in the store.

In a way, I get it. We live in a very kid-dense state. EVERYONE has kids here. Many children. Everywhere. So I can see why people want to give their kids names so they aren't the 40th "Brandon" in their classes. But I was at the doctor's office and heard them call out "Sailor?" and I watched a little four year old girl head off with the nurse and her mom. Not to mention the names that I see in the NICU. Oh, so very many names for inanimate objects. Also, we went through a strange alcohol-naming trend in the summer. Corona? Hennesey? Weird.

Anyway, if you ever hear an exasperated mom yelling "PEANUT?" in the store, it's me. And I didn't actually name Addison "Peanut." She just gets called that randomly sometimes. The same goes for Andrew, who is regularly referred to as "Bubba Boo." While I may live in Utah, my children still have reasonably normal names like Addison and Andrew. I would say that the name Andrew is almost TOO normal. But down here it's like "Andrew? Where did you come up with such an archaic name?"

Also, I might refer to you as "Jellybean" for no reason at all.

Touchy.

2010-11-16T14:16:00.002-07:00

One of the best parts about having Addison get older is that I get to live vicariously through her like the star parent that I am. For instance, I remembered my obsessive love for Sailor Moon a few months ago. I remembered racing home at lunch time with my best friend Vanessa so that we could eat ramen noodles and swoon over Tuxedo Mask. So the other day, I searched until I found every episode online and now Addison and I have been diligently working through all of the seasons. She loves it, and I love when I catch her singing the theme song. Also, the other day her friend was over and Addison was trying to force her into playing Sailor Moon, and her friend had no idea what she was talking about and asked me if she could go home.

Yeah, we're that family.

Anyhow, with the genius that is Netflix, I get to relive my childhood on a daily basis by watching old school movies that I used to love. One day, while perusing the pages, I found "The Secret Garden." The 1993 version I used to watch on VHS. So last night, when Andrew was out for the count, me and Addison snuggled up to watch together.

The first half hour went fine. In fact, I forgot the part where Mary's parents die in a fiery inferno, but I kept looking at Addie and she seemed unphased. Mary dealt with the crabby servants and the scary uncle, and still she was fine. It wasn't until Mary had a dream sequence and she was a baby, and her mother held out her arms and then suddenly ran away that I looked at Addison and she said, "Oh, look at that poor baby!.............. I think I'm going to cry."

Whereupon she burst into tears and sobbed for 10 minutes straight. Justin came in wondering what the heck I had done to her child while I frantically explained that it was just a dream, and that the baby is really fine.

So we learned last night that Addie has severe separation issues, and "The Secret Garden" is a little too much to handle. Back to Scooby Doo we go.

Generic Halloween Post

2010-11-07T22:11:00.004-07:00

SO I like to strike while the iron's hot, which is why this post is a week late. Sorry, as per usual life has been bananas and my poor camera has sat, pregnant with pictures, for a long time. Ooh, I like that phrase. I swear my life revolves around pregnancy and childbirth now.

Anyway, a quick note on Halloween. It was SUCH A BUST. We did the Main St. thing and I was glad we did, seeing as Halloween ended up being caught in a torrential downpour. S'okay. We got plenty of loot by begging for candy around town. Unfortch, Andrew got stung by a wasp on his eye AGAIN while I pushed him around in the stroller. That made for a very angry. The next day, as we braved the storm, I decided to paint on a black mask because that morning he also threw himself off of my bed mid-tantrum and landed on --you guessed it-- his wasp bite. As a result, the entire side of his face was swollen and I was scared of a call to DCFS.

After the storm ended, we finally got to go out, but Addison got sick about the fourth house in. I believe it had something to do with the zero food to 50 piece of candy ration she was maintaining that day. We just went home to hand out candy, until we ran out and had to turn the lights off and sneak upstairs to watch Hocus Pocus. We're still digging ourselves out of the candy, since neither Addie nor Andrew are remotely interested in the giant bowl full of loot. Anyone want to come over and rifle through it?

As you can see, I had a very cute Batgirl and Robin pair on my hands. My delight in dressing my children as a matching set will never cease.

Yup, there's a huge welt being covered up here. Plus he hated the mask that came with the costume.

Fiyahpowah! Check out those muscles. She also insisted I paint her mask like Andrew's despite the fact that she was wearing a mask too.

Aww what a perfect kid picture. This was just before she took off running, and tripped, and tore her tights within five seconds.

Addie after a donut eating contest at her friend Madisen and Jai Jai's . She was pretty terrible.

Andrew however, was stealth and fantastic.

Don't worry, I wore my witch hat around as a big effort for a costume. Let's just say I'm glad Halloween is a once a year type of thing. Because I am dunzo.

Andrew Word Count

2010-11-02T12:44:00.001-06:00

Just as a reference, I thought I'd type out some of the words Andrew (20 months) now knows how to say.

-No no
-Daddy
-Shoe
-Soft
-Hot (with his hand out like it's going be burned)
-Star
-Ball
-Naughty (ahahaha)

Anybody want to take a guess as to what word is missing from that list? Go ahead, try one.

I'll give you a hint. It starts with 'M' and ends with "ama."

I feel the love.

**ACTUAL CONVERSATION*

2010-10-15T17:53:00.000-06:00

Me and Addison were watching a wedding show on TLC and got to talking about weddings.

Addison: Mommy, I want to dance at a wedding.
Me: You could dance at YOUR wedding one day.
Addison: But I don't know what prince I'm going to marry!
Me: Awwww. Addison, you are so sweet.
Addison: (thinking) It would be funny if I married a big fat guy.
Me: Mmmkay, little less sweet actually.
Addison: Fat guys are so funny.

K, so we need to have a "socially acceptable terms for overweight" talk next.

Stranger Danger

2010-10-07T09:30:00.002-06:00

The other day, after talking to some of my friends, I decided it was time.

Time to give the stranger danger talk.

You see, Addison is very friendly. She is not afraid of anyone, ever. She usually introduces herself and her brother to anyone who will listen. I LOVE that about her. But I don't love that she tells everyone her name, my name and where we live every time we're at the grocery store.

When I was growing up, my parents were on top of the stranger danger thing. Our family even had a secret password (NO you cannot know what it is!) that was used should someone other than my parents need to pick us up from school. We practiced screaming "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!" Unfortunately, my dad was once pulled over at a police barricade because he looked strikingly similar to a bank robber who drove the same van as us. So I lived in daily fear that my dad's robber-twin would one day come to my school, guess the secret password and steal me away to live a Bonnie and Clyde-esque existence.

I had an overactive imagination.

Anyway, I didn't want to scare Addie, I just wanted her to be a little street smart. So we sat down with her. I started my spiel. I talked about how most adults were very nice, and it's OK to talk to them when mommy is nearby. But some adults want to hurt children or take them away, and that's why it's important to stay away from strangers when mommy and daddy aren't there. We talked about some situations where she would need to call for us or come quickly into the house (not that she's allowed to play outside by herself, but you know) In passing, I thought up some possible situations where she would need to walk away or call for me. One was the typical candy situation, (Actually, once I asked my nephew what he should do if a stranger offered candy, and he said "Say 'thank you'", oh Payton) and another was if a man had a new puppy and wanted Addison to come pet the puppy when I wasn't there. Addison gave the right answers, and we put the stranger thing to rest.

The next day was Saturday (Yes, I spend Friday nights giving stranger danger lectures to my four-year-old, jealous?) and we decided to go to a local orchard to pick up some peaches and apples. This particular orchard had an ice cream parlor inside so we sat down for a few scoops. No sooner had we sat down when a man holding a NEW PUPPY sat don next to us. He looked at Addison and said, "DO you want to pet the puppy?"

Addison's eyes went wide and she shook her head and said "No thank you!"

Apparently, I am the best stranger danger teacher there ever was. We then had to have another talk about how it's OK if I'm sitting right there, but I think it's safe to say that the stranger talk sunk in.

If I'm as successful with the sex talk as I was with the stranger talk, Addie will become a nun.

Friday Confessional

2010-10-01T14:29:00.002-06:00

Like, every week I think of something weird and then I'm like "Oooh! I should include that in my confessional post!" But it usually happens in the car, and by the time I'm done shuttling kids and groceries in the house, I'm all "Ooh, pudding!" and totally forget that I even HAVE a blog.

-I can never remember the number for September. I waffle between 9 and 10 ALWAYS until I count backwards and realize I was born in the seventh month. It's a constant struggle.
-After going through my clothes to donate the other day I found out I have exactly two pink shirts. Let's put this in perspective. I have something like 220 shirts, not including t-shirts. Clearly pink is not a priority for me.
-Whenever I have money to spend, I can't find anything to buy. I imagine it's something to do with the forbidden fruit needing to be tasted, because when I'm forbidden to buy something I manage to find like, gold studded shoes and diamonds on sale.
-I was stung by a hornet today and spend ten minutes screaming, groaning and stamping the floor before I realized that all my windows were open and it sounded like I was beating my children. I threw in the word "bee" a few times for good measure.
-I hate eating in the mornings. It's like torture for me toast a piece of bread or make cereal. I swear it's residual morning sickness.
-Because if it were real morning sickness, I'd have to go ahead and throw myself off a cliff.
-I love looking at random wedding pictures. Like oh, hi second cousin once removed of my facebook friend... what did you wear to your wedding? And what did your bridesmaids wear? I shall judge your cake!
-I don't have an artistic bone in my body. If it's computer-based, I can eek by. If it's like, put a pencil in my hand and ask me to draw something? I'll die. My mom always told me I had talents that people couldn't see, like making people laugh. Yeah, because every girl wants to grow up being the untalented funny one.
-I make my kids take naps in the afternoon. I make it seem like I keep things scheduled when really I like two solid hours to watch period movies on Netflix (Young Victoria = Love) and do my hair.

Let's do this again sometime, shall we?

Mom Dating

2010-09-22T14:01:00.004-06:00

(Me and my best friend Erin in Edmonton at age 16. Much simpler times.)

Ironically, me and my best friend since childhood were just chatting on the phone about this very issue two days ago. We were like... how is it so easy for us to be friends, yet so hard to make nice with other people with children.

My palms are sweaty. I wonder if my breath smells OK and I check my outfit in the mirror. Am I headed on a hot date? No... I'm going to a play date with someone new.

I always lament that finding friends when you're a parent is a whole new ball game. Even for someone outgoing and friendly-ish as myself. No, you can't just make friends at school or hang out with your coworkers. You have MOM DATE.

Mom dating is what I call when you meet another mom. You have to court each other to make sure your relationship is going to work. You have to try a few mom dates before you can get into a comfortable relationship where you can just call each other out of the blue. You have to make sure that your kids are compatible and that you approve of her parenting style. You have to ensure that you have similar schedules and similar budgets. Anything less than a perfect match will render only a casual relationship.

I've been extremely lucky in the friend department. When I first moved to Utah, I was going from an environment of always having a super awesome support group of friends to literally knowing NO ONE here. Now I have awesome friends who understand my barely tolerant attitude towards children, my super busy schedule, and my hatred for indoor playgrounds. But it wasn't easy to build. When I first had kids I didn't realize how much it changes the friend-making process.

Even with my awesome friends, I still keep an eye out for the mom I want to "date" next. I should write a personal ad:

Wanted: A laid back lady with a sense of humor. Must have children who don't annoy me. Must enjoy making fun of other parents. Bonus if she can bake things and make double portions for me. Must not be clingy or say things like "Why didn't you call?" because I probably won't. Must like shopping sans children.

Is that so much to ask? I swear, I had an easier time committing to Justin than I have with moving from casual acquaintance territory to call-on-the-phone-and-complain-about-my-children territory. Until then it's nice-nice Jae, but not the sarcastic and cranky Jae that everyone knows and loves. In the meantime, my super awesome groups of friends from Canada, from my new town, from TRHM's and from work get to enjoy me as is, sometimes with kids tagging along, and other times while stuffing our faces alone.

Wait... does that make me a mom whore?

O, Canada!

2010-09-07T20:06:00.002-06:00

This poor blog is SUFFERING! Remember the days when I posted every 24 hours? That was when I had to be on-call for my job like, all day, every day. Now I have this dream job where I only work three hours a day (for three times the pay, I might add) and I want to spend as much time away from the computer as possible to make up for those two years where I was chained here. In any case, I've been getting a lot, which explains the sad lack of posting aroudn here. But the kids are blissfully coloring, the house is clean, work is done and we went out for dinner tonight, so I can post about my latest trip to Canada.

My littlest brother Dallin got his mission call to Leeds, England. The call went like this:

Phone rings.
Me: Hello?
Dallin: Jacqueline?
Me: Yes?
Dallin: I got my mission call.
Me: And?
Dallin: I haven't opened it yet. No one is home.
Me: Well, open it!
Dallin: I can't! Mom's not home.
Me: So?
Dallin: She'll be mad!
Me: We won't tell her! Just do it!
Dallin: OK. I'm putting you on speaker phone.

He opened the envelope and saw a letter "E" leading him to believe that he was going to Ethiopia or England, besides the fact that those are not the only two countries beginning with an "E." (Ecuador or Estonia, anyone?) Anyway, my mom called me later to chew me out for peer pressuring Dallin into opening his mission call with no one else around, but she's not very threatening 2,000 miles away.

Meanwhile, my other little brother (I say little like they don't tower over me. I assure you, they do.) received a job offer in Botswana, where he'll be living for the next year working at an AIDS clinic of all things. So I had two little brothers heading off to he world, so I fanagled a trip home with Justin and the kids out of it.

And guess what? We did box karaoke again. I'm weak! I couldn't help myself! Nothing beats belting out "Telephone" with my brother as a backup singer. Unfortunately, Jonathan and me had arranged to sing at Dallin's farewell the next morning. We so committed ourselves to the karaoke experience that we both woke up hoarse and resorted to mainlining Fisherman's Friends for an hour to try and get our voices back. For those of you who don't know what FFs are... count yourself lucky. They're vile.

We were able to have a BBQ/pool party for Justin, since he turned the big 3-0 on Sept. 1st. He naturally felt awkward and yelled at everyone for giving him presents. My parents spoiled the kids while I snuck naps on the couch and watched bad Lifetime movies. Oh, and we had a massive farewell party for Dallin. Turns out, my parent's house becomes a large oven when you put 75 people inside.

We also took the kids to Ontario Place, an amusement park which admittedly seemed much larger when I was a child. Addison had a good time, seeing as she kept yelling "THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER" at regular intervals throughout the day. I forgot about Toronto's humidity and wore JEANS and felt like I was wrapped in Saran all day long. It was lovely.

If you aren't my friend on Facebook (and clearly just stalk my blog) you can check out pictures from our great adventure here. It's good times.

So now we're back. We did a weekend at the cabin where I went to Swiss Days ( a massive arts and craft type fair in Midway, UT and by which my entire house is furnished) and now we're home until Wednesday until we go for our annual Lake Powell trip.

Is it possible to be all vacationed out?

Flying with Kids

2010-08-23T15:26:00.003-06:00

After the last four and a half years of learning to fly with kids as I shuffle my spawn back and forth over the border, I've become a bit of an expert on flying with children. Addison has probably flown with me 15 or 16 times, and this will be Andrew's fifth time being dragged up to Canada. For my fellow moms, I give you tips and tricks to not get kicked off the plane because your child is a holy terror. It hasn't happened to me yet, knock wood.

-Plan, plan, and plan some more. I usually start my preparations a few days in advance. When I fly alone, I can throw whatever into a suitcase. With kids, no way. I'm leaving to Canada on Wednesday and spent all day today running errands for our trip.

-Hit up the dollar store. DO NOT bring lovey toys that your child cherishes. There's nothing more annoying than trying to crank yourself under a seat because your kid has dropped her bunny. Dollar store toys are great because if I lose them I don't care. I get coloring supplies, crayons, stickers and activities there.

-FOAM STICKERS. I love those little suckers. I buy a variety of shapes, pull down the tray and let my kids go to town. They create scenes with them, and they peel off easily and go in the garbage when the flight is over. We stick them on each other, on paper and on shoes too. Whatever keeps them happy.

-Bring snacks. Lots of snacks. Remember how you get hungry on the plane? Multiply that by ten and that's how your kids feel. I look for high protein snacks that will keep them full. I usually fly Delta, so I always bring along a $5 bill to buy one of their little snack boxes. The kids like going through it and choosing snacks and it kills like 30 mins.

-Bring your own sippies. Those stupid tiny glasses that the airlines give you WILL spill. I just hand over the sippy and ask them to fill it instead. I've also had flight attendants warm bottles, get hot water and hold a baby while I took my preschooler to the potty.

-Be self-deprecating. People who get on a plane thinking their kids are prefect are going to annoy a lot of people. I apologize a lot, give about 100 rueful smiles and roll my eyes, and I make a lot of friends that way. That's why the flight attendants are nice to me and my kids.

-Sit near a grandmotherly type, if at all possible. She'll be nice to your kids and even lend a hand. People to avoid? Twenty something men. They are generally annoyed by your children. Yes, even if they are cute.

-Bring enough diapers and supplies to last 24 hours, but don't go overboard on the diaper changing. I keep a pretty similar schedule, unless there's a blowout emergency. I change before we get on the plane, when at a stopover, and upon landing. You don't need 90 diaper changes on the plane unless your kid is offensively stanky.

-Invest in an easy-folding stroller. I LOVE MINE. It's a Baby Trend that folds with one hand. I gate check it so I can roll Andrew right down to the plane and lift him out just as I'm boarding. I drop the stroller, and when I get to my destination, a nice man has already set it up for me and it's all ready to go. Best airport invention ever.

-Breathe. Your kids are going to cry, kick the backs of seats and be unhappy. They're being cooped up for hours in a three foot by three fotts area. Give them a break. Make sure you have stuff to entertain them, and pull out the stops; a portable DVD player with headphones has been a lifesaver for me. If you fly a lot, definitely get one.

-Oh! I forgot one. If you have an early flight, let your kids sleep in some comfy clothes instead of jammies. In the morning you can transfer them to the car to sleep another hour or so without waking them up and trying to change them and then dealing with massive amounts of crankiness.

You'll get through flying with your kidlets! I've done the trip a few times on my own, and I always panic a little because hello, I'm shlepping a four year old and a one year old across North America. But we're getting to be seasoned pros. I might even get to read a book on Wednesday.

Jae's Book Club

2010-08-16T10:02:00.006-06:00

I haven't done a book list fora few months, which means I've had to pare down some of my readings because instead of the usual five books, I've chewed through like, 30. Justin says I'm a nerd. I've been going to a used bookstore lately and buying tons of books that I've always wanted to read and never got around to it. My home library is 100 percent out of control, but if you need something to read, come over!

Ahab's Wife, or the Star Gazer: Sena Jeter Naslund

This book was slow starting, but I ended up completely in love with it. The whole epic story follows, you guessed it, Ahab's wife from childhood to her several husbands. Ahab is actually barely in the book, only a few chapters. Instead, it focuses on an independent woman who stows away on a ship and shapes her life from that point onward. It's a good piece of historical fiction and I loved the whole "Treasure Island" vibe it had. This book also sparked the infamous Jae/Justin cannibalism conversation.

White Oleander: Janet Fitch

I'd "read" this book via Audible, but never read it in paper form. It was so much better to read it for real because I caught onto a few things I had never noticed in listening to it. It's the story of a girl whose mom ends up in jail and basically emotionally abuses her while she's in foster care in order to keep a grasp on her. It kept me up at night and I loooved it.

Wake: Lisa McMann

One of my used bookstore finds, someone had said something about this book to me and I can't remember who, but I ended up not liking it at all. It's very obviously YA fiction, which is fine because hello!? I love The Hunger Games. But this wasn't very good. It was a little slapdash and the ending was rushed and I'm getting tired of Edward/Bella love stories, thanks. Anyway, it's about a girl who can enter peoples' dreams. I believe it's a trilogy but YAWN.

The Book of Air and Shadows: Michael Gruber

So I had never read "The Da Vinci Code" when it was big. It just wasn't my thing. But when i was in the hospital, someone brought it to me and I read it in one day. It was oooookay, but I wanted it to be better. "The Book of Air and Shadows" is a smarter version of DVC. Way more mysterious, not so cop-and-robber, and a little harder to figure out. I am a fan.

The Swan Thieves: Elizabeth Kostova

Kostova is arguably one of my favorite writers of the last ten years. She only has two books and they are both spectacular. "The Historian" was AH-mazing, and "The Swan Thieves" is just as good. It follows a historical mystery of a psychotic painter who slashes a painting in a museum. His therapist, the main character, follows the trail to find out why the painter did what he did. I found myself sneaking off to read this during the day while the kids were asleep lol.

The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing: Melissa Bank

So this book literally has nothing to do with hunting or fishing. I LOVED IT. It was like a more emotional "Bridget Jones' Diary" which I've read like 90 times. Banks' writing is crazy good, and she flops between several writing styles. One entire portion, where the main character is ill, still gives me a big 'ol lump in my throat. Seriously. I got through this book really fast and was so glad I read it.

The March: E.L. Doctorow

One of the fun things about used bookstores? You find cool stuff. I snagged an advance reader's copy of this book and it's fun to see all the marketing material with it. Anyways, if you like American history, pick this one up. Since American history is ever so much more exciting than Canadian history, I enjoy it. It follows General Sherman's march to free the slaves during the Civil War. I've loved books on slavery since I was a girl, reading "Underground to Canada," and this gives some of the back story to both the Confederate and Union armies.

A Widow for One Year: John Irving

Now, let's get this straight. I really like John Irving. I have a copy of "Cider House Rules" on my shelf. But this book was... odd. It follows a writer as she does book tours and research, and it doesn't follow a plot line until the end. I'm sure artistic readers will love it, but I just felt confused. And the vast majority of the book takes place in Sweden's Red Light District so it was.... just weird. lol. It was fine to read once, but I likely won't read it again.

Midwives: Chris Bohjalian

My, my, my. I become OBSESSED with this book when I was reading it. I couldn't figure it out. It's the fictional story of a midwife who mistakenly believes that her patient has an aneurysm while giving birth, so she performs an emergency c-section with a kitchen knife at home. It's later found that the woman was still alive and the c-section killed her, so the midwife is put on trial for murder. The book is part trial, part commentary on home birthing tactics from both sides of the coin. Really riveting stuff.

Girls of Riyadh: Rajaa Alsanea

When I was 17 I transferred schools and ended up at a very multicultural high school with huge middle eastern population. I've always been interested in the culture, and this book was so much fun to read. It focuses on three girls living in Saudi Arabia. It's kind of like a really tame Sex and the City situation... except arranged marriages and text messages prevail. If you're looking for an easy, plum read, I really loved this book and I'll read it a few times over.

Friends Like These: Danny Wallace

Remember when I was raving about "Yes Man"? "Friends Like These" is by the same hilarious Brit author, who decides that he'd like to look up all of his old elementary school friends to have a play date. The way that his old friends reacts really makes the whole book (At one point, he goes to Japan with the picture of his old friend plastered on his shirt in hopes that he'll find him eventually) It wasn't as good as "Yes Man" but so solid, and I love his writing. Very dry.

Forever: Pete Hamill

"Forever" is a story about a man who is granted eternal life so long as he never leaves the island of Manhattan (total side note, what is WITH authors and New York? There ARE other cities, you know.) From the 1700s on, he watches the city change as he harbors feelings for revenge against the blood line of the man who killed his parents. It's an interesting concept and I like the book until the last 150 pages, when it seemed to go funny and drag on. The rest was worth the read though.

Fool: Christopher Moore

If you've never read a Christopher Moore book before, you probably won't like "Fool". But I love Moore's awful, bawdy way of writing. "Fool" is basically the tale of "King Lear" but told from the point of view of his trusted court fool. The sisters make appearances, Moore makes fun of EVERYTHING and it's all very sarcastic. I love a dark and funny story, and this one was just as good as "A Dirty Job" which is my fave Moore book.

The Mercy of Thin Air: Ronlyn Domingue

This was a gorgeous, gorgeous book. Seriously. If you're looking for a book club pick, this would be amazing. It's about a young girl who is killed in the 20s, right before she's about to be engaged. Devestated, her spirit stays behind to watch her family, random people and help other spirits transition. It has a "Lovely Bones" vibe without the gore and I was totally touched by this book when I finished it. Really. Must read.

The Whole World Over: Julia Glass

"The Whole World Over" covers a family in turmoil. A woman is tired of her marriage and accepts a job across the country, taking her son with her while she and her husband try and maintain a marriage. The choice sets off a number of consequences and it shows how one person's choices ripple through and affect others. Very Six Degrees-ish and an interesting read.

The Book of Ruth: Jane Hamilton

OMGOMGOMG I loved this book. I read it when I was in Canada last and I found myself with a flashlight in my brother's denlike room after the kids were asleep, reading through. It's really a sad story about the sick cycle of poverty, and the main character, Ruth, is so simple and likable. I think it's a must-read for anyone, but especially if you like easy to read but poignant books. Really... I found myself thinking about Ruth like she was a real person half of the time.

Well! That should be enough to keep you busy. I still have three or four books on the shelf that I haven't gotten through yet, so I'll try and be more on top of things this time around lol. Happy reading and don't worry if Justin thinks you're a nerd. At least you're a well-read nerd.

Why I'm Generally the "Mean" Parent

2010-07-29T20:24:00.006-06:00

You know how in every family, there's the mean and crotchety disciplinarian and then the super happy fun time goof ball? Well, most of the time I'm the mean one. I lay down the law around my house. I believe it all stems from the fact that I typically don't like children, so I'm hyperaware of how my children are acting and bugging other people who are like me. It's the golden rule, people!

Sometimes I get it into my head to be the nice parent, but when I do it usually backfires horribly and I remember why I so very much enjoy being the mean one.

Today I took the kids outside to mess around in the sprinkler and play in the pool while I read a book (omg I have so many books to review on here it's not even funny). No sooner did I get outside when the heavens opened and a torrential downpour happened. Okay, I can stay calm. Ushered the kids inside, and decided that we would have a movie afternoon instead. Our Netflix came today, and it was "Where the Wild Things Are" which for SOME REASON I thought would be for children when it's really not at all. But that's beside the point. I made myself a bowl of soup and both kids a bowl of spaghetti-os that we would eat picnic style under a tent while watching the movie. SEE!? I'm fun!

I put the food and three glasses of apple juice on a tray and carried it upstairs to the loft. I places it on one of the large logs of our railing while I put the DVD in. Literally the second I turned around, Andrew scaled the couch, reached as far as he could and crashed the entire affair onto the couch.

And then starts crying.

Like, really baby? You're going to cry? How about I cry? Because now I have to scoop gross noodles, chicken and mushy vegetables up from my couch and throw them into the garbage. Oh, and everything smells like Chef Boyardee.

So after having a minor meltdown in which I realized that time out doesn't work on babies and there was no way to SHAME Andrew, I cleaned up the mess. While I was at it, he managed to dump my Sprite over his head. More crying ensued. We tried to watch the movie anyway, but it is so very uninteresting for children. And uninteresting for me, as it were, seeing as I fell asleep. No worries though, my lovely children made sure I didn't get more than 30 seconds in.

They got early naps.

So, I'm back to being the mean parent. Being nice just gets me a couch full of canned goods and an extra load of laundry. Totally not worth it.

Before and After

2010-07-19T16:33:00.004-06:00

When Justin and I built the house it was such a PROCESS that we decided to take a year off and forget about the exterior for a while. We wanted to move in and finally enjoy it. Seriously guys, I was grouting tile while nine months pregnant. When the house was done, so was I.

So we took 2007 off from any sort of house maintenance, and the landscaping remained a severe mess.

Come the summer of 2008, I discover that I'm pregnant and convince Justin to put off the landscaping for just *one more year*.

2009 became the year of paying off specialists, so our landscaping fund dwindled away to a few pennies and not nearly enough to even buy a few petunias.

Finally, 2010 became the year of the lawn. Especially because my neighbors started giving us the stinkeye.

So a few weeks ago, Justin ordered about a hundred pallets of sod because our front lawn was a wide expanse of nothingness. He and his brother had filled, flattened and otherwise readied the dirt for the sod. When the truck came to drop it off, it was about 1pm in the afternoon and I was bored. I'd laid sod before, so I hauled the kids outside and decided to get a start on it before Justin got home from work around 5:30.

So slowly, ever so slowly, I started heaving sod pieces out and laying them down. I hadn't been at it more than three minutes when a man came to ask if he could help. He had a nice English accent, so I said alright! He hauled them while I placed them until my father in law came down to help. My father in law informed me that I was doing it WRONG and needed to wet the ground first. So, with Addison as my helper, I peeled back all of the pieces and soaked them, and went on with laying them on my own. About five more minutes passed when the teenage boys of one of my neighbors came out to see if they could help. I said "sure" (obviously) and they started at it. Before too long, a boy from across the street came by, and another neighbor. By the time we were in full swing, I had seven or eight teenage boys doing the work while I sprayed down the dirt. THIS IS WHERE I LIVE, PEOPLE.

While we were out there laying, another neighbor came out because she'd seen us working and wondered if we'd like some smoothies. By now, I was feeling like I was on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and looking for Ty to jump out with his megaphone and for that blond chick to say something stupid.

All in all, the job was done before Justin even got home from work.

THEN!! That weekend we decided to head out and buy the plants and flowers for the landscaping. We made the wholly unwise decision to just point at what we wanted and ignore the price completely. We needed them anyway, and decided not to concern ourselves with penny pinching when it came to shrubbery.

$450 and a day of planting later, and we finally feel like grownups. With a real house. And a real yard.

I'm not going to lie. I spend more time out there than he kids do. I put them down for afternoon naps and then head outside to lay around and read books. Why did we not do this sooner?

The before shot. This picture is from 2006 and all we did to the lawn was cover it with fill dirt. It was a BEAUT.

After the neighborhood sod-laying party. That's me in the garden planting something or other. I had so much grass and dirt down my shirt it wasn't even funny.

What? We have a garden? Like real people? Weird.

And so me and Justin continue on our quest to become like, a real family.

Speepyheads

2010-07-16T17:03:00.002-06:00

When Addison was just tiny, she would tell me that she was "speppy" at bedtime. I've been blessed with two "speepy" kids. Addison still takes an afternoon nap most days, and Andrew still naps pretty solidly twice a day.

I remember being a little kid and begging my mom to read Little House on the Prairie with me. She would, instead, ask that I read to her. She would ALWAYS fall alseep and then I would get ticked off and jump on her to wake her up.

Well, I got a taste of my own medicine. A week or two ago, I decided that Addison and I would have a sleepover. We rolled out the sofa bed, popped popcorn, watched movies, the works. BUT OMG did Addison want to stay up late. We were watching the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland. Around 11pm I started drifting off, whereupon Addison started hitting me in the head and yelling for me to stay awake. She wanted me to stay up to watch the dragon part. I don't know why she likes these things, she's a weird kid. Anyway, we made it to the end of the movie and promptly fell asleep on the most UNCOMFORTABLE sofa bed ever made. Luckily I thought ahead and took a Tylenol PM.

Justin crept down in the morning after showering and getting dressed, where Addison and I were still passed out from our crazy night:

Apparently we partied harder than I thought because I look a mess and Addison slept in until like, 10. Of course, I secretly loved all of it and remembered how much I love having a girl to do this stuff with. Hooray for mini-me's!

Seven Years? No... really?

2010-07-10T16:31:00.006-06:00

Soooo the big birthdayslashanniversary happens on Monday, and since I'm planning for a moderately busy day I thought I'd throw out a blog post before things got nuts. I mean, I'll be WORKING so that's kind of a big deal.

I was just talking with one of my friends about birthdays as a adult and how generally lame they are. One day I'd like a big party-hat, pin the tail on the donkey and water fight birthday of my childhood. I was spoiled in my family because my birthday always fell during my dad's summer holidays. We usually wandered off for some sort of road trip; we went to Prince Edward Island and Myrtle Beach in consecutive years. I feel bad for Addison and Andrew for having February birthdays. Like, happy birthday! Enjoy staying inside and looking at the slush on the road! On the other had, it DOES get me out of doing a large b-day affair.

And of course, with anniversary mixed in, poor July 12th has some pretty big expectations to fill. Luckily, Justin has taken seven years to learn the value of bringing me to the mall and allowing me to pick out a large and expensive present, which he pays for. And since I don't think I'm getting a bicycle, we're going to wander through Nordstrom tonight and see what my little heart desires.

(Justin and me, on the weekend we started dating roughly eight years ago. WE LOOK LIKE BABIES)

The other day I was at the hospital (imagine! another hospital story!) and I was talking to two sweet mom's who had babies in the NICU. Both were young; one had her baby exactly nine months from her wedding day (keeping in mind that she came two months early so it was a bow chicka bow wow wedding night baby) and the other had only been married a year. We got to talking about weddings and engagements and I let it slip that I'd been married for seven years. "Seven years!" one girl exclaimed. "How have you been married seven years?"

(August 2002; I knew he was a keeper because I never wore makeup around him lol)

Since both were just shy of their first anniversaries, I didn't want to divulge too much of our marital success secrets for them. Mostly because they'd be terrified. Most people who know Justin and me as a couple know we're pretty odd together. We make up our own rules and snicker at marriage books. You won't catch us making kissy faces at each other and we never, and I mean NEVER use pet names for each other (unless you count when we refer to each other as 'demented old circus monkeys'). But it works nonetheless. Our seven years has been a combination of mutual toleration, regular night time debates about rap music, a love of making fun of people together and an uncanny dual superiority complex.

(Doin' the wedding thing to make it legal. And I mean that in the strictest sense. I was only 18 when we started dating so....)

It's probably apt that my first piece of advice to newlyweds is "Don't take marriage so seriously. " I mean, Dr. Phil's got nothing on you when you have sarcasm and barbecue chips to bind you together.

(Being adorable newlyweds and doing constructive things like mini-golfing. Now a date consists of a trip to Wal-Mart without the kiddos. We keeps it SPICY!)

Of course it hasn't been perfect. Is there anything more annoying than a married couple who acts like they are? I take great pride in giving people the clear picture. We bicker. A lot. Justin hates my messy tendencies as much as I hate is uber-organized tendencies. We never agree on where or what to eat. Just as he comes home, looking to unwind for the day, I'm looking for something to do to get out of the house. Neither of us can stand the way the other one flosses.

But if I'm going to hate the way someone flosses, it might as well be the one who has put up with me for these last seven or eight years.

(The fam of three with two on the way.)

It occurred to me that I've known Justin since 2001. We've had nine years to hit the spot we're at right now, and I'm pretty good with that. Of course, this IS the years of the seven year itch, so talk to me on another day when I'm not feeling so smug about our marriage. We been through a lot of crazy stuff together (See: The years 2008 to 2009) and had to test our marriage in ways that others will never have to. I wouldn't wish stuff like that on my worst enemy. But it's what makes it work for us; we're fiercely loyal due to the fact that we've encountered crazy experiences, terrible tragedy and the worst of times. And we did it together (Not "it", don't be disgusting. Actually, we did that too because we obviously have children. Why are we talking about this? I'm trying to be heartfelt and sweet here. Motherfletcher!) And we made it out okay.

(While I was typing this out, Justin butt-dialed me out in the garage. HAAHAHAHA. I can't wait to make fun of him for it. See? That's just how we roll.)

(Fam of four and holding steady.)

Whenever I'm in a sour mood with Justin, he breaks the ice by yelling, "Jacqueline, we have got to get to the point where we could ride a tandem bike together." I always snap back, "I will NEVER ride a tandem bike with you!" (Then, he inexplicably throws me over his shoulder and spins me around in a move that he calls 'The Helicopter' that he turns to any time our conversations become too serious. I struggle and generally scream "I'm going to pee! I'm going to pee!" until he puts me down.)

Well, on this eve before our seventh year together, celebrating eight years of togetherness, I take this opportunity to let you, Justin, the love of my life and father of my children know...

...I refuse to ride a tandem bike with you EVER. I don't care if we are 90 and you have a heart disease which requires exactly two minutes of tandem bike riding each day to cure you. The thought of riding a tandem bike pretty much makes me want to light myself on fire.

Love you anyway, you demented old circus monkey!!

Happy Anniversary to US.

Friday Confessional

2010-06-25T09:32:00.003-06:00

It's been a while hasn't it? Turns out my life is out of control, and we put in a lawn. The lawn was much work. I have pictures, but right now I just want to get work out of the day so I can go lay around on my lawn. Sounds strenuous right?

-I routinely mix up Clive Owen and Gerard Butler. They are pretty much the same person to me. The other day I was listening to the newer Phantom of the Opera soundtrack and I realized that Gerry/Clive was the Phantom. It. Blew. My. Mind.
-Skin cancer aside, I am WORKING my tan this summer. I've spent so much time outside lately that I've got an uncharacteristic glow. I feel smug about people who fake tan while I get my vitamin D and melanoma a different way.
-I judge people who shop at the dollar store... while shopping at the dollar store. How's that for hypocritical?
-It makes me uncomfortable when people mention either of my blogs in real life. Like, face to face talking to me. It makes me squirm and change the subject. I don't know why. I write it out, I forget about it.
-I am anxiously awaiting an e-mail and stupid gmail announces when you get one with that little changing number in the tab. It makes me want to punch gmail each time I stop work to check and it's another ad for Hotwire deals.
-I use a program to block me from Facebook during the hours of 9-5. I disable manually every single day. Probably the least effective program I've ever had on my computer.
-The other day, I made lunch for myself out of a bag of pretzels and tuna salad. That's really gross.

Happy weekend, friends!

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

2010-06-17T16:56:00.002-06:00

To preface this post, I must tell you that I just finished a book called Ahab's Wife, which had a heavy theme throughout of cannibalism. So it was on my mind. I've always been grossly fascinated by cannibalism. So much so that when I was 17, my two friends Nate and Andrew rented "Ravenous" for me and we watched it in my very dark, very creepy basement. I couldn't stand up straight after watching it because it made me feel weak and dizzy. I stopped being interested in cannibalism. Now this book got me thinking about it again, which is gross.

If anyone wants to borrow "Ravenous" I totally own it now. That's kind of sick in the head, right?

ANYWAY!

Justin and I are sitting on the couch watching Tosh.O which I love dearly. Commercial break.

Me: Hey, Justin?

Justin: Yeah?

Me: Would you ever be a cannibal?

Justin: What do you mean.

Me: I mean like, if you were dying of hunger, and the only way to survive was to eat someone else, would you?

Justin: Hm.... probably.

Me: Really? I don't think I could.

Justin: Huh.

Me: I think, if put in the position, I'd rather be eaten than eat someone else.

Justin: I'd probably rather eat someone else.

SILENCE.

Justin: Well... that works out.

I'd like to point out that if something ever happens where we are foodless and I SUDDENLY go missing, it's because Justin has chopped me up and made me into Jae Jerky (see what I did that? Hilar.)

She Inherited My Knowledge of Sports

2010-06-12T21:47:00.003-06:00

Justin is watching the basketball game.

Addison: Hey dad, which one do we cheer for?

Justin: The white guys. (He means this in a completely uniform-type way. He is not racist. Trust me, when it comes to basketball, we usually cheer for the black guys. Wait... is that racist?)

Addison: How come we cheer for those guys?

Justin: Because they live close to us, and the other team lives kind of far away.

Addison: Far away? Like, Africa?

Oh, Addison, the complexities of the NBA confuse me too. Let's go watch Alice and Wonderland together.

Um, What?

2010-06-05T15:02:00.003-06:00

Addison just came up to me, slapped my thigh and said "Happy Holidays, loser" as she walked away.

I don't know what she's been watching, but it has to stop.

Weekend/Life Update...ish

2010-06-01T15:22:00.004-06:00

I feel like this poor blog is dying a slow death. With work, my other blog and the crazy-busyness of general life, the fam blog had to take a back seat. But today is one of those days where I have been excessively productive and on the ball, so I believe that a blog post is in order.

Over Memorial Day weekend we headed up to the cabin. The cabin is only about 45 minutes away from Park City, where incidentally there were a lot of good sales happening. Naturally I went down to check them out, and NATURALLY I bought a bunch of stuff and was very happy. We also tried to go fishing but it was a bust. Too windy, and while it was warm down in the valley, it was fa-reezing up where we were. That was a good call on our part. First warm weekend of the year? I'd rather spend it in the frozen tundra, thanks.

I have been working at the hospital pretty religious since I made the decision to start volunteering there. It is so. much. fun. If you know my dad, then you know he can pretty much strike up a conversation with a fence post, and I think that talent was passed to me. At first I found it pretty daunting to walk into someone's hospital room and start chatting, but so far it hasn't been a problem. In fact, a ten minute visit with me usually stretches into an hour or so by the time I'm finished. I always come around dinner time and the poor girl's dinner always gets cold. Luckily, the hospital is the kind of place where heat doesn't much improve your food anyway. There's been hard days, but more often than not, I leave so glad I've had the experiences that I have so I can do a good job talking, commiserating and reassuring the girls over there. It gets to the point where I'm bummed if there aren't a lot of patients.

We also had a NICU reunion. I went over early to help set up, and then brought Andrew, Addison and Justin over later. I've seen a lot of Andrew's old nurses and therapists and doctors while at the hospital, but there were a few that hadn't gotten to see Andrew or Addison and were happy to hang out. I've been doing some of the volunteer work in the NICU now, each night when I'm finished with my visits. The first time I went in there, it was trippy and uncomfortable, but it's gotten better each time. Now I don't even balk when I walk in there.

Plus, they gave me a freakin' sweet security badge. Now I feel like I'm on Grey's Anatomy when I go over there. (Seriously, so much hospital drama. I was there the night they admitted Gary Coleman, of all people. And we dealt with an abduction risk one night. BANANAS. Of course, it's no hospital shooter season finale, but it's still pretty dishy.)

Other than that, we've been busy. We're still alive, just not so much on the Interwebs. Especially now that the weather is nice, I plan to spend my days outside, rather than in here, clacking on the computer. You are lucky that it's rainy out today.

Also, I feel like a picture of Andrew eating a bag of Cheetos (THEY'RE BAKED) would really enhance this post.

Ignore the WALL OF TOYS behind him there. It's just because it's an actual wall of toys. We really need to get the toy situation under control. Especially when all he ever plays with is a plastic football.

HOORAY early retirement! Andrew will be my meal ticket, I'm sure of it.

Addison's Very Large and Unnecessary Graduation

2010-05-24T14:15:00.004-06:00

Preschool drew to a close last week, and so we endured a very long, very large cap and gown celebration of Addison learning how to sort shapes and write her name, etc. I thought it was pretty hilarious. The preschool we sent her to has 60 kids, 15 to each class, so it was a big event. They rented out an auditorium for it for goodness sakes.

These pictures are all out of order, but you know what? I don't feel like dragging them around so you get what you get. I LOVE MONDAYS.

Mama and Addison... with the Tahoe? When I saw this thumbnail I thought it was a mountain behind us. Nope, just a mountain of SUV.

Andrew being himself at the ceremony. I totally shaved his head for the first time. It traumatized me worse than it did him. I'm used to his curly girly locks.

Addison showed up and was one of only THREE kids not wearing their school shirts. No joke. She wouldn't have it... she wanted to wear her new outfit.

With Justin's brother and his wife... in her gown. Please note the perfectly coiffed hair here. And the fact that the gown makes her look like a glowing baby angel.

Aaaand the cap makes an appearance. She hated it and wore it backward the majority of time.

Why do I look evil in this picture? Nevermind.

Family photo op! I love!

Addison right after the whole shebang ceremony. It was really long. We were all quite tired.

Shockingly, Addison and her BFF marched in together. INSEPARABLE. Sometimes her mother and I have to make pointed efforts to keep them apart.

Please note Addison, front and center... not wearing her red shirt. Le sigh.

So now with preschool out of the way, I have Addison two extra days of the week and don't know what to do with her. I went to the craft store and LITERALLY bought $50 worth of supplies for a "Bored Box". She keeps telling me that she's bored to gain access. I'M ONTO YOU!

Mother's Day in Saint to the George

2010-05-13T17:07:00.002-06:00

So, way early Thursday morning, we're talking like, 4 a.m. here, Andrew started crying, which was weird because our family is staunchly sleep-through-the-night-and-frequent-daytime-naps supportive. So when I padded in there to see what was the matter and finding him burning up with a fever, I knew why he was up and Andrew and I enjoyed one of our early-morning High School Musical marathons. We've been doing them since he was a little guy.

Thus commenced once of those days that all moms dread, where they are forced to clean up after a sick baby whose barfing and general crankiness knows no bounds. Luckily Addison had school and was off to a friends so I just had the one child. That was plenty. If there ever were a time to contemplate sterilization...

But I digress. When Justin came home, there I was. I was wearing my sweats (THE HORROR) because I had literally not left the house all day. Like, not even to get the mail or wave at a neighbor. And where I'm from, WE WAVE AT OUR NEIGHBORS.

Justin asked how my work had gone and I offered the usual sob story about having to work through a clingy baby and several clothes changes, whereupon he asked if I could get my work done early the next day since he'd booked a trip to St. George for us all and we were leaving at noon.

This is the point in time where I dissolved into a puddle of tears because nothing in the world sounded as attractive to me at that moment as somewhere sunny with a pool. For those of you not familiar, ie: anyone living outside of the state of Utah, St. George is a little resort city near Vegas. Super warm, lots of old people, good shopping.

So, off we went. Andrew was still sick all weekend, but it just meant a lot of naps and happy time with Motrin. Unfortunately, Addison caught it too, which meant even more naps and even more Motrin. It was still far preferable to having Mother's Day at home, listening to talks about mythical "perfect moms" at church and making my own breakfast.

The hotel made me omelets.

Anyhow, it was a nice little break and just what we needed.

Addison models a very nice hotel towel by the world's shortest palm tree.

Wow... way to smile, family. Epic smile fail.

Andrew flippin' loved the pool. All day, every day. We were the weirdos that were down there at like 9am whooping it up while respectable people slept in on their vacations.

Oh, note that he's wearing a swim diaper because I had a bad mom moment and let him fall asleep for two hours in his swimsuit sans diaper. That always works out just swell.

We also visited the dinosaur museum, where I drew a very nice t-rex for my brother Ryan, who shares my t-rex like arms.

Addison worked on a long neck, natch.

Such a typical day-out picture. Um, here's Addison. And Andrew sitting in his stroller. Riveting.

In front of the neato rock wall. This is where I almost punched a lady for standing in front of us. The wall is like eight feet long, lady. Find a different spot. Of course, I didn't really puch her because I'm passive aggressive like that. But oh, the mean thoughts I had!

Addison checking out some fossils. Please note how cute her shirt is.

Dads and Adds.

I came home from my trip totally rested and feeling pretty good about Mother's Day. Who knew that the trick to a really good one is to go far away from your home and let strangers make your bed?

If I Should Die Before This Blog Post

2010-05-06T11:38:00.003-06:00

I hope I'm not tempting fate by writing this post. But if there's anything you need to know about me, it's that I have a highly overactive imagination. To a ridiculous degree. The other day, I was getting the kids ready to take a walk. As I strapped Andrew in the stroller, I head what I thought was a crying sound coming from outside the house. MY OVERACTIVE imagination made up this whole story in my head about how it could be a baby, that someone left on my porch and I would have to rescue it. Of course, I knew it wasn't, but it didn't stop me from peeking up on my porch before we went on our way.

It was a cat.

So, it is with my imagination that I find myself thinking about death often enough. I don't really think about how I'll die, or when, or where, or even what will happen after.

Mostly I just think about my funeral.

Morbid, right? But that's the thing. I've cooked up such an AWESOME party for my one-day funeral that I think it will actually be pretty cool. And funny. SO! In an effort to make sure that I get the funeral OF MY DREAMS, I will document what I want right here. Then there will be no excuses.

1) I want everyone to wear Groucho Marx glasses to my funeral. EVERYONE. I want there to be a big pile at the front of the door, and no one will be allowed entry without them. I figure that no one can be really sad when everyone looks ridiculous. I don't want an open casket funeral, but if it HAS to happen, I'd like to be wearing some too.

2) I don't want any sad, "SEE YOU ONE DAY SOB SOB SOB" songs to be played. Instead, I'd like the funeral to kick off with Coldplay's Viva La Vida, and everyone pretending to conduct an orchestra, just like I do in my car. Any other songs are fine, as long as they aren't sappy and drawn out.

3) I don't want any speakers to go up and tell lies about me. There are some things I will never be; among them, calm, patient, nonjudgmental or sweet. I have many good qualities, but I am none of those. Don't pretend I was someone that I wasn't. I totally support someone going up there and saying I could be really sarcastic, cranky and cynical at times. That is truth in advertising, folks.

4) NO. FUNERAL. POTATOES.

5) I'd like my headstone to say, "Jacqueline C., THE LEGEND"

Can you guys all handle that. I SWEAR, if I die and am watching my own funeral from the afterlife, and everyone is singing mopey songs and saying what a domestic housewife I was I WILL HAUNT YOU ALL ON HALLOWEEN.

Box Karaoke FTW!

2010-04-28T12:56:00.003-06:00

So while I was at home in Canada, I was able to try out something super awesome and amazing - box karaoke. Now, box karaoke is where you basically rent out a room with just your friends and you have your own system, are able to choose your own songs. So you can sing your heart out without the embarrassment and waiting for other people to go. Seriously. Watching people sing is embarrassing, am I right? It makes me feel awkward and wrong.

Anyway, me and my brother rounded up our best friends, respectively, and headed to Korea town for some good old karaoke fun. It. Was. Epic.

Now, you need to understand something about box karaoke. It only works if you really, really dedicate yourself to the songs. I mean belting them out. When we left I could barely talk because I ACTUALLY thought I was Alicia Keys for a while.

Another thing I learned about myself? I am a TERRIBLE rapper. The worst. For some reason it all comes out with a Jamaican accent.

We originally only went for one hour, which turned into 90 minutes, which turned into two hours. We sang pretty much every song ever. Here were some of the highlights.

Paparazzi by Jae and Katie
Ring the Alarm by Balynn
Hey, Soul Sister by J and K
Empire State of Mind by J an Dallin
My Goodies by J and B
Graduation Song by D and B
Unwritten by J, K and B
Live Like We're Dying by D
You Know What It Is by J and D (this was an embarrassing mess of a song. Turns out, I'm not a rapper.)
If You Could Read My Mind by J, B, and K
Like a Prayer by J and K
Body Language by J and D
Imma Bee by D
Tik Tok by B and J (most epic song of life... we impersonated Ke$ha the entire time)
From a Distance and several other really odd songs by K and B

It was the funnest ever. I can't ever do anything like that with Justin, who eschews karaoke fastidiously so I had to get my crazies out. We were literally the only white people for miles, but the Koreans loved us anyway.

Also, we went for Korean food afterward, and the dumplings rocked my world. Pretty much in love with the whole night.

Here are some awesome pics from the adventure that was box karaoke. And yes, I will be doing it again. In my bathroom.

Dallin gets the party started with some Black Eyed Peas. He looks like he might eat the microphone. It was late and we were pretty hungry.

The girls get pretty serious when it comes to Natasha Bedingfield, let me tell you.

Dallin and Balynn (yes, my brother and his bff have rhyming names... I KNOW, RIGHT?) belt it out to Vitamin C, who I forgot even existed.

Katie and I take some time out from being rock stars to take a pretty picture. Love this girl, we've been friends since we were 10. They don't make 'em like this anymore!

Moral of the story? I love Koreans. Box karaoke is fun. I rap with a Jamaican accent.

The end.

True Love

2010-04-19T15:56:00.002-06:00

Another one of mine and Justin's famous g-mail chats:

me: I just sneezed five times in a row.

Justin: wow. impressive.

me: I thought so.

I know you would say that people like us are so in love that we are hard to be around, but NAY! NAY I TELL YOU. We will not allow a love likes ours to be hidden. We will proclaim it from the rooftops to every hill and climb.

Conversations like that are how we keep it spicy.

Oh, Right... Easter

2010-04-16T16:56:00.004-06:00

So I might have totally forgotten about these pictures and all of the Easter stuff. Things have been crazy and to top it all off, I'm four days away from another Canada trip and worrying about how to keep these two from getting me kicked off the plane. I'm thinking Benedryl.

Anyway, we had a good Easter and blah blah blah we stayed in our pajamas all. weekend. long.

Getting a good picture of these two is IMPOSSIBLE. They both have the attention span of a gnat. This was the best I could do after dyeing some eggs like a good, traditional family.

This pretty much sums up their entire relationship. Andrew pesters Addison, Addison tolerates it and smailes for the camera.

Andrew promptly put his thumbs through every egg. HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS OWN STRENGTH.

Yeah, they were pretty pitiful.

Here's all the colors we used. A little overkill, if you ask me.

Andrew looking very pleased with his new Easter toy.

Both kids messing up my living room.

As soon as they got their Easter baskets, Andrew batted this ball out and spent the next hour rolling it under the table. He also pushes his trucks around. Like, be more of a stereotypical boy, Andrew.

The Easter baskets!! Guess which one is for each kid. I'll never tell.

Aaand the baskets are decimated.

For those of you who are interested (basically just my mom) here's the video of Addison doing her scavenger hunt to find her basket. Ignore the ten foot mound of clothes in the laundry room, please.

I don't know what to do now that the holidays are over... I was using them to ensure good behavior in exchange for presents. Rats.

Rocky VI

2010-04-12T08:02:00.004-06:00

Those of you who are on my Facebook (lucky!) probably read about my poor son's experience with the wasp. But I am a mean parent and definitely take pictures of my children's various misfortunes, so I should write it out. Especially because just posting the picture may be grounds for someone to contact DCFS on me and send them in my general direction.

The other afternoon I had put Andrew down for a nap in his room. Can we take a moment to talk about how deliciously sleepy my children are? Andrew sleeps twice in the day, and Addison once, and I have them coordinated so that I get three blissful hours of quiet time each day. It is lovely. Anyhow, I put Andrew down for nap numero uno when Addison was playing with her friend Kalin, in the loft. An hour later, I heard him yelp and then start crying. I went in to see what was wrong, and a wasp was scuttling away. I brushed at it with my hand and it stung ME! HOW DARE HE? I smashed it with Addison's shoe roughly 6,000 times before helping Andrew out.

I'd like to also point out that I. HATE. STINGING. INSECTS. Of any kind. I also hate moths and birds, but you already knew that. I very vividly remember the first time I was stung by a bee. I was six, and I had just walked home (OMG, walked home, those were different times. Apparently my mother was not very concerned about me getting kidnapped by a child molester. I wouldn't either; I was an ugly kid.) from my friend Kerri's birthday party. I was sitting on the garage steps showing my loot bag (which as a child, thought were call "loop bags") to my dad when a bee crawled up my shorts and stung my thigh. I was devastated. It ruined birthday parties for me forevermore.

Fast forward about 20 years. When Addison was a baby, I was putting her to bed. I bee crawled on my foot and when I went down to smack it, it stung my foot and my hand. I COMPLETELY overreacted. Justin was outside working on something house-related, and I screamed out the window like I was dying. He came running in, applied a bag of frozen bees, rolled his eyes and went back to work.

So, I think we've established I hate stinging insects of any variety, right? Well, anyway, apparently so does Andrew's EYE. My littlest brother used to swell up when stung by a bee, so I think Andrew might have inherited that. Why he couldn't inherit something cool, I don't know. For the next three days, it looked like I was a severe child abuser.

The kid looks like the next Rocky.

He was okay with it though... And when he smiled it didn't look nearly as bad because he also inherited my super squinty eyes. Hooray!

PS, Admire his crazy teeth. They have grown in the following pattern: Top left, bottom right, top right, bottom left. WTH??

Zoo Pics!

2010-04-05T17:35:00.004-06:00

I have pictures of Easter, but I'm waiting to put them up until they are super-original and no one else is posting Easter pics. Otherwise known as me forgetting I had other pictures to post and being so neurologically unsound that I can't post pictures in anything but chronological order.

So we went to the zoo a couple weeks a go. I dragged my friend Celeste and her two boys along with us and then I was like WHY do me and Celeste not hang out more often? Both of our four year olds are four months apart, and our one year olds are four months apart, so it's like built in friends. Celeste is married to one of Justin's mission companions that served in my old ward. Anyway, it was like one of those marathon nine hour outings, but it was fun and we only got lost twice. Maybe three times if you count the time I thought I was driving onto an exit ramp the wrong way. Anyway, her cutie kids, Lincoln and Kaden will make an appearance here.

Addison and Kaden (K is four months younger than Addie, not that you'd even know it) checking out the rhinos, who Addison is sure is a dinosaur. Typically she calls them "Rhinosaurus rex".

Checking out the paw prints.

Aw boo, Celeste. We didn't get one where Kaden was looking. It was a good try.

Easily the scariest monkey known to man. How ominous.

Andrew checking out the scariest monkey known to man. Not crying, miraculously.

I'm just going to go ahead and squish him. This was before his last haircut. Kid has the girliest curls I have ever seen on a boy.

Addison riding the giraffe. Andrew rode the snake because the people operating the merry go round let me sneak on with him, sans tickets. But I was holding him sooo probably shouldn't let go to take pics. I was attempting some parenting skills for once.

Addison and Kaden measuring up with the gorillas. This one will be shown at their wedding, natch.

Me putting Addison in uncomfortable positions. Celeste is behind her, holding her butt. That's what real friends do.

Andrew and Lincoln mowing down some fries for our apres-zoo stop at Mickey-D's. Love their compatible fatness.

So, yet another freezing cold March trip. I swear at one point we were the only ones there. It was good times. Easter pics are coming!!

I Knew It!

2010-03-31T13:06:00.002-06:00

Addison came to me and said:

Addie: "Mom, how come you know everything? I don't even know everything."

Me: "What do you mean I know everything?"

Addie: "You just know EVERYTHING!"

Me: "Like what kind of stuff do I know?"

Addie: "You know how to put my dirty kiki (blanket) in the wash.... and where to put my crayons.... and where the princess snacks are.... and when I gotta go potty."

There you have it folks.

I'm a genius.

Friday Confessional

2010-03-26T13:45:00.002-06:00

I so very much need a weekend. Sick baby + me = me wanting to jump off a cliff.

-I don't own the following household items: A pizza cutter, an ice cream scoop and an ironing board. And it's so weird, but I never even considering getting them because I've been married for almost seven years and have done without them, right?
-After I've had a conversation with someone, I painstakingly play it over in my head to make sure there weren't any awkward parts, or places when my often judgmental statements may have offended someone. More often than not, there is one or both of these.
-I have an intimate relationship with my computer. If something happens to it, I go into full-on panic mode and freak out.
-My little brother says I overreact in certain situations. I never believed it until this past year as I noticed that I freak out a lot in the car. Like if a rock hits the window, I definitely will scream. It's really unnerving for whoever is driving.
-Zombie movies scare me, yet interest me at the same time.
-I get mad when I see someone driving stupidly and they already have a big dent in the car. Like really? You didn't learn the first time (OBVIOUSLY I make a snap judgment that it is all their fault).
-I eat a spinach, walnut, cranberry, bleu cheese salad three times per week. OMG I really, really enjoy it. I want one now.
-I justify my crappy eating the rest of the week because of those frequent salads. As in, "oh, I had a salad yesterday. YAY! I can have a Big Mac!"
-I still draw people, cats, dog, birds and ice cream cones the same way I did as a child. And ice cream cones and birds are the exact same shape. I am terrible with art.

Happy weekend everyone!

Rural Times

2010-03-22T17:07:00.002-06:00

So, I don't *really* live in the country. There are a few farms around, and there's only like 2,000 people in my town, but it's close enough to civilization that I typically feel like I have the best of both worlds. Especially on gloriously warm spring days when I have nothing to do, and I realize there's a working farm I can visit with my little spawn in the hopes of instilling good, old-fashioned home values in them.

Anyway, these "Look what I did with my kids" type postings are pretty annoying, but whatever. MY MOM LIKES IT! And my mom once broke a guy's arm (true story) so in general, I try to please her when I can.

Before we went though, a trip to Noodles and Co! Oh how I worship a place that makes mac and cheese for me! PS my baby is handsome, jealous?

Addison in the miniature dance hall. I would take a picture of her dancing, but remember the scene from Mean Girls when the girls walk into Regina's house and her little sister is booty dancing in front of the TV? Yeah. That. Also, ignore her saggy pants. She is tall enough for 4s but has to wear 3s because she is malnourished and such. What is a mother to do?

Aaaand the county jail. Hilarious. Although this picture makes me a little sad, because I'm starting to see how she'll look as she gets older. Not the jail part. The prettiness part.

We definitely tried a little horsie ride. All of the horses were ponies except for the one Addison chose, of course. Go big or go home. I tried to be all cool and comfortable-seeming around the horse and was patting his nose, and he made one flinch toward me and I practically dove for the side of the O.K. Corral here.

I'm a dog person.

I did convince her to ride this baby horse the second time around. Baby horses, also known as ponies, can't reach my face to bite it off. We like this one.

Next step, finding more stuff to do now that the weather is nice. I feel like I have a layer of hibernation fat on me from being a slug all winter long, and swimsuit season is terrifyingly close. A stroll around the farm won't do much, of course, but it could net me a good tan.

I'm Baaaack!

2010-03-18T16:33:00.003-06:00

So a few weeks back, after Andrew's first birthday, I got it into my head that I wanted to do something. Something that would help people. Something that would take me back to the hospital. (So weird, right? It's like I couldn't stand to leave and all of a sudden I'm looking for an excuse to go back) I called up the volunteer coordinator who was "in charge" of me when I was on bedrest and in the NICU and told her I'd like to help out in any way that I could. When I was in the hospital I had weekly visits by women who had all done the bedrest/NICU thing before and it was a huge help when I was feeling stressed out. I remember acutely one evening where I was just in my room, sobbing away. My volunteer showed up and stayed for at least an hour while I basically sniffled and bawled until I felt better.

Anyway, yesterday I went in to meet with her and all of a sudden I am the new antepartum (bedrest) visitor! I'm super excited and super nervous about it, but overall I'm glad. I'll be going once a week to talk to the women on bedrest, visit with them and generally be there to talk to and bring them little things to ease boredom. Finally, something that uses my talent for talking to anyone and everyone! (Thanks, Dad.)

It was SUCH a trip to go back to the hospital last night. I literally hadn't set foot in the place since we left with Andrew last March. Walking through the door, I was chanting affirmations to myself: "You're fine, Jacqueline. You are fine. You are capable. This is just a building". I made small talk with a man on the elevator and made it all the way to the NICU entrance. From there, the doors opened directly into the Parent Room of the NICU, and I about suffered a massive heart attack then and there. We spent a lot of time in that room, ate there, slept there, everything. Once I made it past that hurdle I was fine.

The coordinator said most girls start in antepartum, but then transition to volunteering in the NICU, because it's hard to go back there. I think I'll stay in antepartum for a good long time; I had such good experiences while there, and the NICU was so hard for me that I'm not looking forward to going back. So I'm going to take my time, play it by ear and have fun with it.

I completely confessed to my coordinator that I was really only volunteering to help myself. She said it was fine, because that's the only reason she does it too. All of the girls that do nights there have been through both antepartum and NICU at some point in time, and I kind of love that whole cushion of support.

Of course, all of the patient's stories and information are protected under HIPAA, so you won't hear much else from me on the subject.

When I was there meeting with some of the girls, I had to walk down to the nursing station to check and see how many rooms were filled. The door to my old room was open and house cleaning was in there prepping it for someone new. It helps me to think that next week, I'm going to go see someone in my old room. If she's anything like me, she'll be waiting all day for a real person to walk in the door so she can stay in touch with civilization. If she's not like me, meh, we'll make it work.

The other cool thing? The office that is packed to the brim with donations from everyone for people on bedrest and the NICU babies. It restores your faith in humanity; things can't be that bad if mothers and babies are being taken care of, right?

Oh, and bonus! Volunteers get free meals at the hospital cafeteria. Booyah! Delicious prepared meals and cherry Coke, you will be mine!

Weekend Update

2010-03-15T14:42:00.002-06:00

So what is up with it being March and snowing all the live long day? Flippin' global warming. It snows one day, and melts, and then snows and melts again. My normally ugly yard looks extra ugly with all the mud around it, it that's even possible.

We headed up to the cabin for a night so that we could try sledding. But the weather was so overcast I about went blind trying to see where I was going. I ended up spending most of the time reading a craptacular book I picked up at the grocery store on the way there, and eating cheese ball while reading Women's Health. So not productive.

On Saturday we drove home and took Addison to see Alice in Wonderland, and it completely rocked my world. I think I was the real kid sitting there with my dorky 3D glasses on, pointing out different characters "OMG!!! That's the WHITE QUEEN!" and generally annoying everyone around us. But really, I know the reviews were mixed but I loved it like I love my babies. Although, I will confess that Justin and I often discuss how we'd be terrible movie critics. If I go to the movies and I don't fall asleep, I think it was a good movie.

Except for zombie movies. Zombie movies are never good. I don't like when people get viruses and eat their families and such.

So that was a tangent. ON TO THE PICS!

This is officially the only piece of clothing (or anything, really) that Addison and Andrew have shared. When Addison was two, I looked all over to find a one-piece snowsuit in like, January. The only one I could find was blue, so I bought it. Don't you just want to eat my baby? Also, I would like to point out that Addison was a whole year older when she wore this. Fat guy in a little coat!

Here's how deep the snow was. You can also tell how overcast it was. Boo. I like sunshiny snowmobiling. PS I have a hot pink helmet and it makes me happy.

Ch-check me out! Justin finally got my favorite sled, the 500, running.

Addison on the 600 with her Berpah. She is a thrill-seeker. I can't get over how crazy she is. She'll be like "LOOK AT THAT MOUNTAIN! Let's ride up it now."

How cute and stay-pufty is this ensemble. I love it.

Also, me, Addison and a very reluctant Lucy-the-dog went for some toboganning. We got wildy out of control. Lucy jumped off and we ended at the very bottom of the hill. I yelled for Justin to get on his machine and ride down to get us. We all piled on and promptly got the snowmobile stuck.

Time to lose some weight...

.....Addison.

Adventures in Immigration

2010-03-11T08:32:00.002-07:00

Ever since I moved to the great U.S. of A. nearly seven years ago, immigration has been the bane of my existence. I need to point out that since 9/11, immigration has become nearly impossible. While I understand WHY that is, it doesn't make it any easier on me and my "alien status".

Starting a few months after we were married, we were allowed to petition for a green card for myself as Justin's wife. The process took nearly six months, and I was issued a temporary, conditional green card. I was allowed to stay in the country for two years, as long as I wasn't divorced or Justin died (lovely, right?) Of course, no one explained the conditions to me, and I turned up in Canada one year with the condition from my green card lifted, but with the green card no longer valid because I needed to get my NEW unconditional green card.

You got that?

So, after another six months I was issued my ten year green card, good until 2017. From here I can apply to become a citizen, or just renew my green card every ten-odd years. Usually I lean to just keeping my green card. I have a hard time with the thought of giving up my citizenship, and word on the street through my immigration lawyer was that dual citizenship is next to impossible to secure in the states. So I still have a few more years to decide what to do.

Now, the thing about green cards is that they are so difficult to get that they trump just about any other government documentation. No matter what else I have, I am supposed to have my green card (which isn't green at all by the way. It's kind of pink) on me at all times. It even trumps a passport, which means I travel on my green card. But this past trip to Alberta was such a pain it had me running for the passport office.

I checked in at the airport down here and went to the gate. Immigration is done in Canada, so when I heard that I needed to check with the gate before I boarded to check my documents I thought it was odd. I went up, and the skippy airline worker asked for my passport and ticket. I handed him my green card and ticket, letting him know that I was authorized to travel on my green card. He took one look at it and handed it back, saying that he would need a passport. At this point I become very flustered because I find it very annoying to know more than someone who gets PAID to know it. I hand him the green card back and tell him that a green card has higher clearance than a passport, and it's fine. He tells me regulations have changed. I was in Canada last September and I knew they hadn't changed since then, so he proceeds to pull out a MEMO and read off that only passports would be accepted.

Now I'm starting to get mad. The guy working at the desk next to us starting talking to my airline worker, letting Skippy know that he has always let green cards through before. (I think he might have had a crush on me) Skippy was relentless. I was slightly offended that he assumed I was just too dumb to understand immigration and customs laws. It's not like I haven't lived it for the past seven years, but whatevs.

After my pleading and the other guy's insistence, Skippy went to talk to a manager. I waited, but when he came back he handed me all of my stuff and said, in a very official sounding voice "I'm sorry, we are going to have to deny you entrance to this vehicle." This is when panic sets in for me. I KNOW my green card is acceptable, but I have no way of showing him. Skippy then tells me I wouldn't even be allowed in the country of Canada because I have no proof of citizenship. It says "Proof of Citizenship: CANADA" on my card.

Besides the fact that the airline really has no right to complete customs and immigration checks before a flight, they also didn't have the scanners necessary to read my card, hence the problem. I explained this to my Skippy, and he went to go get his manager again.

I'd been standing at the desk for around 20 minutes. While Skippy was gone, I joked with my new friend, who I guessed would be merciful with me and act as my ticket outta there. When the manager came to talk to me, he explained that they could only accept passports. Sounding like a broken record, I told him that green cards were acceptable because it is nearly impossible to get a passport from a country you don't live in. I even pulled out my charming, self deprecating persona to try and nudge myself on the plane. He decided to "make a call" and get back to me.

More standing around.

When the manager came back, he instructed Skippy to take my information and put me on the plane. Turns out that HIS manager knew very well that I was allowed to fly on my green card, and told him to let me on immediately. Feeling just a little smug, I waited for my apology. Nuthin.

Finally, as I boarded, my new-found airline friend apologized for all of the trouble, and stage whispered that he knew I was allowed on the plane all along, while Skippy pretended too be engrossed in tagging bags. I'm guessing he really, really wanted a management position.

The best part was that flying back to the States, no one said boo to my green card. As much as I luh-huv being hassled by non-immigration workers, it was enough to make me consider getting my citizenship here. To get a passport, I would need to head back to Canada for a while and prove that I lived there, and I'm not eligible for an American passport. It's the catch-22 of the immigration world.

Can someone remind me of all of this next time I get the bright idea to marry an American?

Home Again, Home Again

2010-03-09T16:27:00.002-07:00

Whenever we've been away from the house for awhile, when I pull into the driveway Addison bursts into song, singing:

"To market, to market to buy a fat pig,
Home again, home again jiggity jig."

Which is funny because it's the exact song I would sing as a little girl when we came home from a long trip. I went to see my best friend, Erin over the weekend and although I was only gone for five days, it felt like a very long trip.

You see, I originally planned to bring Andrew with me. Erin has a little four month old and we thought it would be fun, hanging out like old times except with the obvious addition of our baby-spawn. But, of course, things went wrong like they are prone to do when you have kids, and a week before I was supposed to leave, Andrew woke up in a miserable state. He was super sick. Since he usually bounces back from sickness fast, I decided to sit tight. After three days, it was clear he wasn't getting better, so I brought him to see the doctor. After much poking and prodding, it was decided that he had an "RSV-like" virus and was dangerous to other babies.

Grrrreat.

Our doctor told me that as long as he was coughing, he was contagious and I shouldn't bring him on my trip. And what do you know? He most certainly was coughing as I packed on Wednesday night. So, Justin was on his own for five whole days, and I was kidless.

Those who don't have kids won't understand how strange being kidless is. You spend all of your waking moments worried about caring for other people and then suddenly you only have to worry about yourself. WEIRD. I read a book on the plane, paged through a magazine and played Mario on my DS while the gentleman sitting next to me drank three tiny bottles of vodka. It was a two hour flight. Really, is that necessary?

The trip itself was fun. We did all of the throwback Erin and Jacqueline stuff we did while living at home. We went over our entire past dating histories, went shopping, spent two hours gossiping at the Tim Horton's and laid around watching bad reality shows and eating cookie dough. After being friends for almost 23 years, we've effectively done away with the need to be entertained in eachother's presence, and it was lovely.

I also slept like a baby.

Poor Justin was at home dealing with a very sick baby and a hyper four year old and was very ready for me to come home and take over.

Yesterday, flying home, it felt like I'd been away for months, not days. I came to the unfortunate realization that I've become a bit of a homebody. Or maybe not so much of a homebody than a family-body? A trip alone with my best friend was awesome, but coming down the escalator to get the world's biggest gummy smile from my baby boy and a big hug from Addison was awesomer. I dispensed presents and chocolate and kissed everyone roughly 1,000 times. Addie carried my suitcase while I carried Andrew and Justin pushed the empty stroller around the airport.

Even awesomerer? (Yes, I am aware that's not a word.) Flying across the Great Salt Lake and still feeling giddy about seeing the guy I've been coming home to for the last eight years.

So yeah, I'm totally blissed out and happy to be home. Everyone should take a few days vacation on their own to rest and relax, and then to figure out that resting and relaxing is no match for the chaos and craziness that your family can inflict. Apparently, it takes roughly five days.

Jae's Book Club

2010-02-25T12:01:00.003-07:00

So I just finished another round of really great books. And heeeeeeere they are!

These is my Words: Nancy E. Turner

I'd heard a lot about this book and kept meaning to read it, and then I'd forget. I finally ordered it and was through it in less than 24 hours. A story about a rancher in 1880's Arizona Territory, it follows Sarah as she makes her way in the new territories. While I sometimes found the prose hard to read (it's authentic in the fact the narrator has terrible grammar, etc) I really did like the story. It did border on harlequin every so often, but it was still a fun and very easy read with a very likable main character.

The Shipping News: E. Annie Proulx

Fun fact about my family, my dad is from Newfoundland, where this story takes place. It was written awhile back, and they even made it into a movie in the 90s, but I never read it. I picked up this copy at a used bookstore for like $3, and wished I'd read it long before. While Newfoundland is an odd place, it's also gorgeous, and I loved loved loved reading about people who live like my East Coast family. While the main character is immediately unlikable, you can't help but stay on his side as he moves from New York to Nfld to write for the local paper's shipping news. It really is a beautiful and melancholy book.

Cane River - Lalita Tademy

Easily my favorite book of the bunch, Lalita Tademy quit her high profile VP job in Cali to follow her family's genealogy and write it. Set in Civil War era Lousiana, it follows her great great great grandmothers, who were slaves and their affairs with white men. I remember reading "Underground to Canada" when I was about nine, and it was my favorite book forever ago. Cane River reminded me a little of that, but it also focused on the positive relationships between slaves and their masters, which I thought was very interesting. Anyway, it was a brilliant read and I highly recommend it to those who like historical fiction. Plus, there are tons of vintage pictures of the characters and I loved seeing who I was reading about. Family trees also made it more comprehensive.

White Teeth: Zadie Smith

White Teeth is more than a novel; it read like a social commentary of the last forty years in Post-War England. Religion, race and class are all discussed as the book follows a small grouping of people; some that believe in science, others that believe in God, and some that believe in even more. While the book was interesting as it lacked the traditional structure of a novel aka, the build to the climax and resolution, it was more like seeing a snapshot into these lives. There was no true main character, and instead I was able to see snippets from many different characters. My friend Tim recommended this book to me and I really loved it.

Serendipity: Louise Shaffer

Okay, I'll admit it. I totally bought this book because of its cover. If anyone knows me, they know I am obsessed with the 50s and early 60s fashion, society, roles, everything. I find it all very interesting. So I picked this one up and started to read. Based in 1950s Broadway, it looks at a dysfunctional family with dysfunctional family secrets and slowly reveals them through the course of the book. A really good and light read, I liked the open quality of the writing, and okay, I'll say it: the description of the fashions. lol. I'M SHALLOW, OKAY?

Firefly Lane: Kristin Hannah

I'd never read anything by Kristin Hannah, and to be brutally honest, I'm not sure I would read anything by her again, but not because of this book. Firefly Lane, using the last three decades as a backdrop for two friend's lives, was actually quite addicting to read. And while it was more "dishy" than I usually prefer, I still liked it. And I totally cried through the last chapter. I did find the writing predictable and even cheesy at times, but I don't regret reading it. It was the literary equivalent of a chick flick; fluffy, a little mindless, but overall satisfying.

Julie and Julia: Julie Powell

I absolutely loved reading this book, though I have yet to see the movie. It reads like a private blog, which means that Julie Powell became a very imperfect heroine in her own novel. I really appreciated her holding nothing back; her missteps, triumphs, failures and even marital problems were all listed there in the book. While the ending wasn't a surprise; she finagled a movie deal out of the whole thing, there was a feeling of closure at the end of the book that I was happy with.

I need to go back to the used bookstore to find what else I can dig up. I can't say no to a cheap book! $2?Of course I'll buy it. Also, they totally gave me free books for spending so much! Woo hoo!

Hadda Be a Hero...

2010-02-22T14:25:00.003-07:00

I totally forgot to post this when it happened, but life is having a lull while the kids are napping and I actually have two glorious hours to myself, in which I intend to blog, eat a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs, and fall asleep while watching My Fair Wedding, in that order. So this entry is all that is standing between me, chocolate and crappy reality shows.

I have a tendency of being very clumsy. While I was pregnant with Addison, I managed to launch myself down my in law's stairs of death, landing at the bottom on a pile of cardboard boxes, natch. At the cabin, I managed to faint while going up concrete stairs and banged myself up. As a 14 year old, I was kicking a cardboard box along the road (?) and somehow got both feet caught in it, falling and bashing my head off of the curb. There was a corner in the house I grew up in outside of my bedroom door that I would walk into every morning, without fail. And, in a Porter legend, I once used my mom's expensive Ginsu knife to make my little brother a pretend t.v. set using a box and some poster board, and managed to put the knife directly through my hand. I was so scared my mom was going to be mad at me I ran up to my room and hid there, bleeding to death until my oldest brother followed the trail I left and hollered for her.

What can I say? I'm a klutz. And I have all of the scars to prove it. You should see my ironing scar. It's pretty gnarly. EXTREME IRONING FTW!

I attribute it to a) the fact that I don't pay attention to anything, and b) the fact that I'm ALWAYS busy.

Coupled with the fact that I'm clumsy is the fact that I bruise astonishingly easily. Like, if someone looks at me the wrong way at the grocery store, you can guarantee that I'll get a bruise. I sneeze, I bruise. I chalk up to my whitest of white skin. So when I'm clumsy, and hurt myself, it then looks like Justin has thoroughly beaten me.

The Thursday before last, I was hauling the kids out of the car to go to my friend's house for our weekly pow-wow/junk food eating. I set Addison down on the sidewalk and went around the side to get Andrew. Removing him from his seat, I then proceeded to slam the door. With my leg still in the car.

First, I cursed. But only pretend cursed because I am the best at switch words. I yelled the ever appropriate "MOTHERFLETCHER!" and extracted myself. Aaaaaand here's what I was rewarded with:

This is week healed over. That is the side of my gleaming white knee. PS I am fairly sure it is impossible to take a picture of your knee without it looking grossly similar to whale blubber.

It has been so bad that Justin, Justin my don't-ever-spend-money-unless-it's-a-good-investment husband, ordered me to the mall to buy a long skirt, for fear that our friends at church would label him for spousal abuse. I, of course, took advantage of the orders and bought more.

I also have been telling people that my leg was bruised because I heroically stuck my leg in the door because Andrew's head was going to be squashed. This is a blatant lie, but it makes me look like a really, really good parent.

And isn't that what we're all working toward? Making other people think we're good parents?

So... basically I'm a selfless hero, Andrew is in tact and Justin has a guilty conscience.

Friday Confessional

2010-02-19T15:55:00.002-07:00

I keep thinking of good confessionals while I'm out and about, and then I realize that they are all about things that other people do that bug me. For instance, saying "That's funny" when you don't laugh. IF IT'S FUNNY, YOU SHOULD BE LAUGHING. Liar.

-I am really funny about the way our house smells. When I was growing up, I had a friend's whose house smelled very distinctively, to the point where you could smell it on your clothes after getting home. I always wonder if my house has a smell. Weird, right?
-While I am very sarcastic and cynical with my family and friends, I am a ray of sunshine to strangers. I wonder if it should be the other way around.
-I secretly love crappy music from the 80s. Pop Goes the World? I Ran? Safety Dance? She Drives Me Crazy? They don't make music like that any more. Probably because it was terrible, but so very good at the same time.
-I have a shoe-a-day calendar on my desk and nothing makes me happier than changing the day to see a new shoe. The other day there was a red shoe from 1890 and I was so touched by it. Like, I hope that if I lived in 1890, that I had the spunk to wear red shoes under my petticoats.
-I buy books for Addison that are really for me. For instance, her last Scholastic catalog had The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, and you better believe I bought it. It is way too old for her, but I read it to her and laugh to myself anyway.
-Speaking of books, I think it's a good time to go to the bookstore and read the titles of harlequin romances. THEY ARE HILARIOUS. I also have an Audible.com account, and got a free book one time and me and my sister in law were listening to it until we realized how very dirty it was. That was pretty embarrassing. It also made me feel very sad for the lonely, lonely ladies that read it.
-I buy hand lotion all of the time and never use it. I never think to! So I have roughly 700 bottles of unopened hand lotion in my house. It always seems like a good idea at the time...
-I watched "The Business of Being Born" the other night while Andrew was up sick. I know it was meant to make me want to have a home birth, but all it did was solidify my feelings that I never want to go through pregnancy and childbirth ever. Again. So for that, I thank Ricki Lake and her lack of modesty.

One Year Old

2010-02-17T15:52:00.003-07:00

Now that? That is a happy baby.

So, my little boy turned one and it totally sent me on a talespin. What happened to this last year? It's hard to believe that only a year ago I was in my well-worn hospital bed, anticipating the fresh air I would get to breathe after six weeks of confinement to the hospital. I was ready to be done with the pregnancy, and ready to be done with awful emotional strain that it took to deal with it every day.

Little did I know, that the emotional strain didn't end at the hospital doors.

The past year has been tiring. And emotionally draining. And hard. Besides dealing with our stillborn baby, we had the stress of getting our lives back after the screeching halt that occurred on the day we were diagnosed. We had to learn to be a family again, only with one more person than before. We had to figure out how to get back into the swing of things.

But we did it. And we made it. And as Andrew turned one, I breathed a little sigh of relief while I hung the decorations and iced the cake. In a lot of ways I think that our experience was pretty much the story of our lives, the one that shaped us and changed us and molded into whatever we needed to be. We're much different now, Justin, Addison and me. The addition of Andrew and Thomas made us a tough group, fiercely loyal and exceptionally protective of one another. We laughed in the face of bad news and cried over funny things and learned that there really is no place like our home.

It's hard not to become completely retrospective after a one-year anniversary, but I'm hoping that getting over the one year mark makes me even more likely to be happy at the prospect of what's to come of the four of us.

To my Andrew, you are literally the light of my life. I've never heard of a happier baby, and you make everyone smile; your own smile is wide and infectious. You make life easy for me, and are content and sweet, steady and even-tempered. You gave me the gift of having a real, live mama's boy. It's impossible not to kiss you roughly 8,000 times per day. If I were to describe your personality at one year old, I would say you're happy. Happy to go for a walk, happy to play with your sister, happy to sit on my lap and play with my hair, happy to fall asleep with warm milk and a blanket. You look like me but have the temperament of your dad; easy going and accepting, slow to anger and quick to humor me.

To my Thomas, we won't forget you. You are as much a part of our family as any member. I think about you daily. A few days ago, your Affirmation of Life certificate arrived in the mail, and I was so happy to see your name, in print, on a document that we can hang in our home. You have a daily presence, even if you're not here, and we've learned to talk about you without regret or sorrow, only hope. I feel grateful for the time we spent together, you kicking my ribs and Andrew lazily hiccuping. We were quite a trio. I love you.

With the year at a close, I've resolved not to be sad anymore. I'm sure I'll feel sad from time to time, and I'll still have days when I sit and try to reason it out in my head ("I could have done it, you know. I could have raised both boys and it would have been just fine.") but I can be happy in the state of our family, my daring and wild little girl, and especially my strong and steady son.

In a way, we all turned one year old yesterday. It was Andrew's birthday, but we celebrated being a year stronger, a year happier, a year healed over.

Does that mean I get a cake too?

Say Cheese!

2010-02-09T17:06:00.004-07:00

...or not. Actually, don't ever at my house. Cheese is up there with words like "universal healthcare", "sweatpants" or "what is more delicious, slim jims or doritos?" Meaning, if you use those words, you're likely to start a fight.

See, Addison hates nothing in the world like she hates cheese. Even as a baby she wouldn't try it, and to this day I have to bribe her to eat a piece. HATES IT. Usually I say something like "If you eat this piece of cheese, I'll love you". Non emotional damaging stuff like that.

HOWEVER, she doesn't necessarily hate the taste of cheese. So we've studiously mislead our daughter to think that things that are very cheesy are in fact cheese-LESS.

Take pizza, for example. We distract her so fully with her hatred of pepperoni that she eats cheese pizza just fine.

Macaroni? Fine, as long as you assure her that it is the cheeseless kind. "Mom? I want macaroni without cheese" "Okay Adds, coming riiiight up."

My latest deception has been grilled cheese. Instead of grilled cheese, we call them "SUPERSAUCE SANDWICHES". I am actually not kidding. She loves them, but I'm sure her friend's moms wonder what she's talking about when she requests supersauce for lunch.

Oh well. Future Addison, I'm sorry that I lied to you about cheese. But OMG what else am I supposed to make you for lunch?

It's a good thing you're cute.

Modeling her new shirt from Unkie Steve.

Being cute before heading to the dino museum.

Goo! I tied her short hair in rags and got crazy curls.

See? Also, she fell off the couch at her cousin's house and totally faceplanted. Hence the lip-cut. Just kidding. I walloped her. OMG really just kidding. It was the first one.

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

2010-02-04T22:20:00.002-07:00

(Clearly a picture of happiness. All should aspire to coupledom as satisfying as ours.)

****************************************************
Scene: Justin and I are sitting on the couch, watching lovey commercials about Valentine's Day. Justin turns to me with a romantic gleam in his eye.

Justin: So, do you want me to get you $50 flowers for Valentine's, or would you just rather have a gift card to go shopping with?

Jacqueline: Hmm. (Imagining the possibilities) Probably just the gift card.

Justin: I was going to have flowers sent to you but...

Jacqueline: Wait... were you planning on getting me flowers AND a present?

Justin: *pause* ... yes.

Jacqueline: So make that $100 gift card then. To Nordstrom.

Justin: Okay.

********************************************************

Aren't we so romantic? Don't you just hate lovey dovey couples like that? Let me spell out what just happened; I NEGOTIATED my Valentine's Day present with Justin.

Moral of the story: We suck at being a couple. I like shopping.

THE END.

My life just got significantly easier...

2010-02-03T21:40:00.003-07:00

So, once upon a time there was a little girl who was born with a gorgeous set of brown locks. Shiny, glossy and just a touch curly, everyone loved her hair.

Except for her mother. Each day was a battle that included an entire bottle of detangler slash Windex, much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and a daily ponytail. The hair was a magnet for food particles, paint, syrup and dirt, and finally the mom couldn't take it anymore.

She marched that little girl to the hairdresser and had six inches of hair hacked off. The little girl was happy, the mom was happy, and the Windex detangler is no more.

A before shot. Very lovely, but her hair was deceiving. It only LOOKED pretty and lovely. It was secretly the devil.

A snip snip here and a snip snip there yielded.....

THE BEST HAIRCUT EVER!!!!

Ohhh yeah, I love those short locks. So easy to deal with. WHY did I not do this earlier??

Work it homegirl!

In all seriousness I am sooo happy with the results. Addison loooves it and has spent all day showing off. Her best friend has a similar haircut and she's been bugging me for the same one forever. The only problem is that it makes her look grown up. I SUPPOSED four is a valid time to start growing up, but I wish she'd wait until she was 18 or something.

Circus, Circus

2010-02-01T21:59:00.002-07:00

Last week we had the brilliant idea to take the kids to the circus. We had a couple of free passes and thought you know what? Going to a circus is what a normal family would do, so what the heck?

The circus started at 7:30, so we left early to get some food on the way. We dilly-dallied around, figuring that there couldn't be THAT many people going to the free circus on a Wednesday night.

Then I forgot what state I live in. The state FILLED with people who will trample their own grandmother for a free tube of toothpaste. As we drove into the parking lot, without tickets in hand, we started to panic. There was literally a bajillion (I COUNTED!) people there, all heading in and all with pre-bought tickets. CRAP. So, parking a mile away from the doors, we proceeded to lug the kids at full speed ahead. Remember of course that Andrew is "portly" and by "portly" I mean roughly the size and weight of a baby calf. But since he is technically three pounds lighter than his sister who is three years his elder, I took him while Justin hoisted Addison up. We ran. I am out of shape and wanted to die. I complained.

The line inside to buy tickets was MASSIVE and we got into the arena a cool 20 minutes into the circus. Luckily we didn't miss the elephants, just some hoochie hula hoop girls.

It was a fun night. I thought Andrew would be ticked off because he likes to go to bed as early as humanly possible, but he sat quietly through the whole thing, entirely entertained by the spotlights above our head. I realized I am much to old for the circus, as all of the death defying acts now make me concerned rather than amazed.

At intermission, Addison and I spotted a cotton candy lady down on the floor and went chasing after her. Justin sat in the stands and tried to direct us, but we still didn't find her. Finally we ran out to the concession stands and somehow ended up with a large inflatable tiger on a stick, cotton candy and Powerade. Stupid circus and it's stupid novelty items.

They had lots of those little fabric climbing dealies. The music was "Holding Out for a Hero" which I sang along with in an embarrassingly loud voice. They were dressed like Super Women. Addison nearly passed out from sheer joy.

See?

Andrew and Justin are made from the same stock. Nothing impresses them too much, but they'll eat the cotton candy anyway.

Streak Free Shine

2010-01-26T12:15:00.002-07:00

Justin didn't want me to post this, but it was way too funny not too.

The other day, we were getting ready for church when I realized I was out of detangler for Addison's hair. Panic ensues, because she has the WORLDS thickest hair and it's curly and out of control, and if I brush it without detangler, she has a meltdown and I threaten to shave her bald.

Also, can I point out the MADHOUSE that our home becomes when we have church? We run around like lunatics, trying to make us all look presentable. An amazing feat for a family of four. My rule of thumb is a half hour ready time for each person in the family. Which would be helpful, but we usually sleep in and have 45 minutes to throw ourselves together, before we show up for church fashionably and irreverently late, and are sentenced to sitting on the hard chairs on the back row on the clackety hardwood.

I love peaceful Sunday mornings.

So I called to Justin to see if he would get the spray bottle I keep downstairs for Addison's hair. I figured I would just dump some conditioner and water, shake it around and voila! Detangler. "Justin!" I yelled. "Can you grab the blue spray bottle from underneath the sink?"
"Blue? All that's down there is the Windex bottle"
"Yes, blue. There is a blue spray bottle, I promise"

I sat there with Addison, waiting. I could hear Justin in the kitchen braving the cavernous hole that is the area under our sink, but then I could also haer the sink running. I had no idea what he was doing, since the spray bottle I use for Addison's hair is only like, five inches tall and was empty. I yelled down to him. "Did you find it?"
"Yes. Just a second." So I sat, waiting on the bed with Addison's hair in my hand, ready to brush it. Finally, Justin started up the stairs and into our room, where he held up the Windex bottle. He'd dumped out all of the solution and washed it out with dish soap so that it was clean for our lovely daughter's hair. Of course, I first yelled at him, then laughed hysterically. What the heck??? WHY would he get the Windex bottle? Why do men lack the gene that causes them to know anything about hair?

(This all brought to mind a time when I was eight, and my mom was gone somewhere. I had dance class, and it was the rule that you had to have your hair in a bun to go. My poor dad fumbled with my hair until it was in a bun, whereupon I looked in the mirror, burst into tears and refused to go. He agreed.)

So, since we were pressed for time and I didn't have 30 spare seconds to run downstairs and get the spray bottle, I filled the Windex bottle up with water and conditioner, and used it on Addison's hair. It smelled faintly of clean windows, but it worked all the same. And to tell the truth, that was two weeks ago and I have used the Windex bottle on her hair almost every day since then. What can I say? I don't clean enough and just using the Windex bottle has to count for something. I'm sure, though, if someone looked in our windows while I did Addison's hair in the morning, they would call CPS on us for child abuse.

Weekend Update: Bowling for Preschoolers

2010-01-18T13:29:00.003-07:00

On Saturday night, as we were all hanging around doing precisely nothing, our good friends the Wally Wahlins (obviously NOT their real names, but what we call them regardless) called us up to see if we were up for some kid friendly activities. Since we literally had nothing planned, we obliged, and bundled the kids up against the cold to bring them to a pirate-themed kids play place/ restaurant. We talked it up so much on the way over that Addison was peeing her pants with excitement, screaming "I SEE A PIRATE FLAG!" roughly 67 times.

We met up with our friends and walked in, and the place was a madhouse. No, madhouse doesn't quite describe the scene. Loony bin? Closer. Anyway, there were people and kids running around EVERYWHERE and I, the obsessive claustrophobic, was about to throw up. That's what we get for trying to do anything in this town on a Saturday night. WHY DO PEOPLE IN UTAH HAVE SO MANY CHILDREN? Really now.

After a quick pow wow, we decided that bowling was in order, and would hopefully be less crowded. The first bowling alley we tried, because we thought it would be cheaper and less crowded, quoted us $60 for two games of bowling. Riiiight. We had to have yet another pow wow, where wee wondered if we lived in an alternate universe where bowling was actually cool, and therefore very expensive. We tried another bowling alley, and for $15 we were set.

K, let me explain something to you. Bowling with three year olds is cute, but also frustrating and very time consuming. Each turn lasts about five minutes, what with the "I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF" and the slow moving bowling balls that stop just a hair before they hit a pin.

After an hour and a half, I had screamed myself hoarse in shouting "YAY" to encourage Addison, who also thought that since I helped her with each turn, she should help me. It was the lowest scoring bowling game of all time. I think I won with a whopping 90.

By the end of the night, we were very tired, and Addison was exceedingly smug of her bowling capabilities.

So to sum up our experience. Bowling is not cool enough to cost $60. Preschoolers are very slow. I am the best bowler because I beat two three year olds and one adult. Bowling makes me hungry.

Before and After

2010-01-12T13:32:00.002-07:00

So I blessed/cursed with kids with A LOT of hair. A lot. And both have crazy curls that haunt my nightmares. Detangling! Conditioning! Combing! My life is consumed. Andrew's hair was getting out of control. Usually, I bring him to Justin's grandma to get his hair cut. She's been a hairdresser FOREVER and does a good job. However, she is gunshy about cutting off Andrew's curls. I asked her when babies were old enough to use clippers on and she was flabberghasted. So when I wanted to cut Andrew's hair way short, I was on my own. I suppose I could take him to a kid's haircut place, but 1) They are lame and 2) He is only 11 months old, and haaaates having his hair cut. I resolved to do it myself.

I was totally worried and put it off. I cut Justin's hair with the clippers but hadn't ever attempted cutting a BABY'S hair with scissors, no less. But I gave it the old college try, and guess what? I am officially one of those obnoxious people who happens to be good at EVERYTHING. How annoying is that?

Tres annoying.

Anyhow, here are the before and afters. Andrew's hair is so curly after his bath that he looks like he's wearing a wig. I even put him in the same sleeper for an honest comparison. Yes, I am even good at blogging and posting before and after pictures. Don't you just hate me?

Before: Cute but out of control.

After: ADORABLE LITTLE MAN HAIR. I die.

What's that? You want to see a close up? Oooookaaaaaay.

Shmoog! I love it.

Friday Confessional

2010-01-08T12:43:00.002-07:00

Yay Fridays! I love!

-I totally appreciate and admire women who allow their hair to go gray naturally, yet I don't really think I will be one of them. I wish I was, I really do. But I'm much too vain.
-Also, I hate when people joke about age and make it sound that its only your 29th birthday when it's really your 40th. Like, really? Is it THAT BAD? Ugh, there is nothing more annoying than hearing someone say something like "It's my 19th birthday...FOR THE 20TH TIME" Omg, you're hilarious.
-In case you haven't noticed, I am fairly obsessed with books. I get nervous without them. I was just saying how it stems from my childhood. I read ALOT. I emerged from the womb with Little House on the Prairie clutched in my tiny fists.
-I think that there is nothing more wonderful than eating in bed. It makes Justin craaaazy, but I love to wind the night down with a snack, reading and a glass of milk before I fall asleep. I know that is all kinds of wrong from a diet or germ standpoint, but whatevs.
-Lately I've been listening to odd music. When I'm working, I find it hard to listen to music with words because the words get jumbled in my head. So I've had my Pandora set to composer Dario Marinelli. Like, what?
-I constantly doodle butterflies and cats all over papers while I'm on the phone. I also practice my signature a lot.
-While I find my kids to be adorable and charming, I really don't expect anyone else to. Because of this, I get hypersensitive and paranoid that my A&A are annoying people. Because most other children annoy me. It's a give and take, really.

Alright, off for some weekend goodness. I spotted something in Nordstrom last week and didn't buy it, and now I am on a mission. It's literally all I have planned for the weekend. I'm slightly materialistic.

Jae's Book Club

2010-01-06T16:28:00.002-07:00

I did a ton of reading over the holiday because I had a lot of time on my hands and I'm a big nerd. But I did get some good ones in the bunch, both old and new.

The Hero's Walk: Anita Rau Badami

So to satisfy my love for Middle Eastern culture and books in general, I picked up this one by a Canadian author. It's set near the Bay of Bengal and is about a formally wealthy family now struggling to get by and losing their family relationships as well. The father, Sripathi disowns his daughter when she moves to Canada and marries a Canadian. When she and her husband die, leaving behind a little girl, he travels to Canada to get her, needing to forgive his daughter, who is now gone. It really is a touching book, and very rich in its descriptions. I love reading about other cultures, and this was a fave.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics: Marisha Pessl

Oh, this is one of my favorite books of the last couple years. It's cheeky and smart and just...awesome. I've read this book about a bajillion times, and I pulled it out to read in the bathtub again over the holidays lol. It was just as good. It's written by a literary genius, in the form of an essay. It's kind of a guilty pleasure without dumbing itself down, if that makes sense. It's about a girl and her father, and her senior year of school. She's befriended by an eccentric teacher and a group of rich students called the Blue Bloods. Sounds totally juvenile right? Just read it, it's awesome.

Ford County: John Grisham

I read everything by John Grisham just because I get a hit with him every so often. Some I hate, (The Street Lawyer was pretty awful) but Ford County really was good. It's a grouping of short stories in the same setting as A Time to Kill and it was awesome to read little snippets of lives. I totally loved sitting down and finishing a whole story. I could completely see how these were novel ideas in his head that couldn't be made into a full book and totally loved it. I was sad when I finished it.

The Lace Reader: Brunonia Barry

I picked this book up so randomly one day without knowing anything about it, and I was glad I did. If you're into folksy, witchy, Salem-y type thing, it's for you. It's about a line of women who tell people's futures by looking at them through a piece of lace. Because of this, they have a huge stigma placed around them that causes legends and stories to be told about their family history. The ending was totally surprising and interesting and it was a good overall read. It did take me like 30 pages to get into it, so it starts slow and then you get into it.

The Shack: William P. Young

Okay, so I'd heard tons about this book, that it was life changing and inspiring and blah blah whatever, so I got it out of pure morbid curiosity. It was an interesting read. It is supposedly a true story, about a man whose daughter is kidnapped and presumed dead. After the kidnapping, he becomes angry and hardened and receives a letter, allegedly from God himself, inviting him back to the place where they found the last evidence of his daughter. He goes, and there he spends a weekend with the trinity, learning about their mission and essentially, why bad things happen to good people. The concepts were interesting, but I'm sad to report, not life changing. It was worth reading, if not just to figure out why I'd heard so much about it.

K, I am on the hunt for more good books now. I've got one on my "menu" so to speak, but I need more! Anyone have suggestions?

Christmas Pics!

2010-01-04T16:36:00.001-07:00

How crazy was Christmas this year? I hardly had time to check my e-mail, let alone throw a post on here. LUCKILY! I make up for it with a barrage of Christmas pictures. If you want to see them, head on over to my Facebook to check them out. You don't have to have a Facebook account to do it, just click HERE. Awesome, right?

I am finally getting settled down after my family headed back north last week. No joke, it took me eight straight hours to clean up and get Christmas the heck outta my house. Now it's so bare I keep walking down the stairs and thinking, what am I missing here? But it is very zen and clean and lovely.

So, we're back to the grind after two weeks of holiday. Justin and I were lamenting how Memorial Day is awfully far away. I am trying to convince him to take me on a cruise for Valentine's Day, but so far, I'm not really getting anywhere. I married Scrooge.

Oh wait. He did get me my beloved Frye Harness boots, and for that I will be forever grateful. They are the prettiest little boots I ever did see. I did point out the irony of his hatred of my shoe habit, yet he bought me my momentous 80th pair of shoes. Uh huh. That's true love, right there. One more pair for him to trip over when he gets home at night.

Well, I'll be back to posting this week. I have some good Christmas stories, I just have to get them organized in my head.

Cheers to New Years!

PS Can I also point out how annoyed I've been every time someone posts about New Year's Eve, 2010. AAAaaactually, it was New Year's Eve 2009 this year.

The Great Key Hunt of '09

2009-12-14T19:16:00.002-07:00

We are alive over here in the frozen tundra, but with Christmas fast approaching and my to-do list getting longer instead of shorter, things are going to be scarce 'round these parts until after the big holiday. Not sure if I mentioned it for the millionth time, but I am going to have a house full of Porters here for Christmas, and I haven't had any time to just SIT for a minute. Mostly I'm going a hundred miles an hour until I collapse into bed. Secretly, I like being busy, but publicly, I complain a lot.

So I never wrote about mine and Justin's foray into private investigation. The other day I was getting the kids ready to go see Justin for lunch and get some shopping done. I had gotten the kids bundled up, bottles made, diaper bag packed, ready to go out the door, when I realized I couldn't find my keys. This happens a lot. I set the kids down while I went and checked my usual places for them. My usual places include: in my pants, on the computer desk, and for some reason I don't know why, the spice rack. Nothing. I looked for AN HOUR before calling Justin and telling him we weren't coming. And I was as mad as a hornet. I HATE not being able to find things. But I hate getting the kids ready to go somewhere, because it takes about THREE HOURS, and then not being able to go. It's lame.

So I put the kids down for a nap, and continued to look. I had just cleaned the house the day before, and hadn't seen them anywhere. So I commenced tearing the house apart looking for them. I pulled out all of Addison's toys, dumped out all of the laundry and took the cushions out of the couch. Justin came home from work early and we even tore the fabric out of the bottom of our couch to find them. NOTHING. We even bit the bullet and LOOKED IN THE GARBAGE. I kid you not. Finally, around 9 pm we called it quits, and resolved to call the dealership the next day to see if they could replace our keys for the tidy sum of $150. Right before Christmas. Awesome.

The next morning, we woke up early and I laid in bed replaying everything that I had done the last time I'd seen the keys. It was kind of like when you see an actor and can't remember who he is. only this time I didn't have IMDB to turn to. Finally, we got up and I went to get my green jacket to go outside. I put my arm in the sleeve, and wouldn't you know it, there were my keys.

I *may* have jumped up and down like I'd won American Idol and jumped on Justin while screaming like a lunatic. There is no better feeling in the world than finding lost car keys, I swear. Having a baby pales in comparison.

I learned my lesson(s). 1) Stop being so vain and wearing different jackets every day. If I hadn't needed to wear my white trench, none of this would have happened. 2) Justin isn't just being fussy when he tells me to use the key hanger.

Got it.

Soccer Mom

2009-12-03T11:59:00.002-07:00

When Addison was six months old, I quit my office job to be a full time stay at home mom with her. Although I was working only half days, it was too hard to be away from my tiny baby and my boss was psychotic, making it worse.

I still remember that first day that me and Addison were home alone together, for an entire day. Our television was downstairs at the time, as we'd just moved into our new house. I remember putting on Sesame Street, because we didn't have cable, and staring at Addison because I had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH HER. See, around 6-8 months, babies are delightful. They are happy all of the time and basically entertain themselves. And I was SO bored I didn't know what to do with myself. I would hear stories of the busy, van-driving moms that are barely home all day and always have something to do. I think during that time I was searching for anything to do. If I remember correctly I even bought a kit to make a clock. YEAH.

Fast forward three years. Yesterday I woke up at 6:30, because that's when I can squeeze in work before Andrew wakes up. He was up and at 'em, and so I shook Addison awake too. From there I scrambled to get everyone breakfast, and both kids ended up a mess. I struggled to write a few more articles while they played, and then dumped them in the tub. As soon as I got them out, Addison's little friend called to play. I said, "What the heck, send her over," and dumped some clothes on Addison so she wouldn't be the weird underpants kid. Andrew was put for a nap while I controlled two squealing little girls' noise level, got them lunch and finished 11 articles in two hours. Friend was dropped off on the way to a doctor's appointment, after which I went grocery shopping, came home and cleaned the house, made dinner and finished a few Christmas stockings I was making for my family.

My point? I MISS YOU, LONG DAYS OF NOTHINGESS!! If I had known that I would be one of those moms trucking kids around in my big SUV, running to doctors appointments and buying milk two gallons at a time, I would have prepared better. Laid around in bed a little more often. Watched a few more DVDs in the quiet. But no. I made clocks and wished for days like that. WHAT WAS I THINKING.

Although, I will say there is something to be said for falling into bed as soon as those days are over, and knowing you got it all done. And feeling a little like superwoman.

In related news, Andrew had his 9 month check up. I had been delaying his vaccinations and skipped them at 6 months altogether because I didn't like the way he reacted to his 4 month ones. So I bucked up and took him. He is, as usual, healthy as a horse. He took his vax like a champ. He is now 23 pounds! For those of you keeping track, he is a mere 6 pounds less than Addison. Faaaat guy in a little coooooat.

Oh, also, the doctor declared him to be extremely good looking.

I am inclined to agree.

Weekend Update: Thanksgiving Edition

2009-11-30T14:27:00.002-07:00

I will never get over how odd I think American Thanksgiving is. It's just so late in the year! And cold! Actually, this year it wasn't really that cold. But still. When I was freeing my biscuit off at 11:30 pm outside of the mall, I was cursing American Thanksgiving. But I digress...

I stayed up Wednesday night baking. My super awesome friends, Kate and Sara, run the food blog that you can see to the right of my page there. Do you see it? Aw, cute. Anyhow, I was inspired by their foodiness, and made their White Chocolate Pumpkin Cheesecake, the remains of which are slowly being eaten by yours truly. It. Was. Awesome. It was such a nice break from all of the pie. Totally worth it. However, we did find out while grinding up pecans that Andrew is DEATHLY afraid of my food processor. Like screaming like a crazy person scared. I was so tempted to demonstrate for Justin when he came home, but felt like it might have bordered on child abuse.

Thanksgiving was pretty good, I will say. As weird as it is, I ate my weight in sweet potatoes and wanted to sleep for years. I did get all of my Black Friday ads, and get this: I got out my post it notes, and wrote what time each store opened and what I needed at each store, and stuck it all over the fliers so that I'd be organized. I AM SICK IN THE HEAD. But it did help me stay organized and not become distracted by shiny things while out shopping.

This was the first year I attempted Black Friday on my own and I did not love it. Here's why. I hope that somewhere, the lady that SCREWED me over is reading this blog, so she can find out what a terrible person she is. Often, on Black Friday, you end up teaming up with complete strangers who are also looking for the same items as you are, so that together you can find it faster. Because stores like to toy with consumers, sale items are always in random places in all of the stores. I was looking for a toy for Addison, and overheard a lady say she was looking for it as well. I offered up the places I had already looked and we agreed to work together. We searched, and when we found it, there were TWO left on the very top shelf. She was much taller than I was, so she reached up to get them down, and I held out my hands to catch it..................................... which is when she walked off with BOTH. I was so mad that I passively aggressively wrote about it on my blog. I came home from shopping in the worst mood. Justin had to take me to the mall just to get me to calm down. Brutal.

I went shopping in Salt Lake on Saturday and spent too much money. When I came home Justin had a mild heart attack and I think he might have died for like three seconds. But I felt happy and fulfilled, and now Christmas is in full swing. I have exactly three weeks before my family invades my home, and I have to plan my attack for getting everything ready.

If you aren't listening to Christmas music, watching Elf on repeat or baking gingerbread yet, SHAME ON YOU!

Big Tuna

2009-11-19T10:06:00.003-07:00

So before I start this post, I have to preface it with two fun facts about myself.

1. I really like tuna. I know it's really weird, but I love to mix it up with some mayo, celery and cucumber and eat it on crackers for lunch. I probably do it once a week, and I would do it more but I think eating tuna in general is pretty weird.

2. I make it my personal mission in life to carry as much thing upstairs as possible. I usually eat lunch at my desk, and I refuse to go back downstairs for multiple trips. It is just less effective.

But then I endured the Great Tuna Incident of '09.

It started innocently enough. I plopped Andrew on the counter while I made my tuna salad and crackers. Well, I didn't make the crackers, I pulled them out of the plastic sleeve. You know what I meant. Anyhow. I made my tuna just the way I like it. I got the crackers ready, and poured myself a glass of raspberry lemonade. Then I remembered Addison wanted chocolate milk, so I made her some, and then mixed a bottle for Andrew as well.

Then I realized I had to figure out a way to get a bowl of tuna, a sleeve of crackers, a glass of lemonade, a cup of milk, a bottle and Andrew up the stairs in one trip.

So I gathered up Andrew in my right arm. I picked up the bowl of tuna with my right hand, but the bottle in the crook of my left arm, the crackers on Andrew somehow, the chocolate milk in my sweater pocket and the lemonade in my left hand. Then, feeling very on top of things, proceeded to carry the whole lot of it up the stairs.

When we got on the landing, I realized Andrew was putting his hand into the tuna, grabbing fistfuls of it and squishing it all over his bottle and the floor. I started freaking out. In the commotion, I spilled all of the lemonade on myself. I still had no hands to stop Andrew from squishing the tuna, so I commenced yelling at him.

"ANDREW! ANDREW! NO! BAD BABY. YOU ARE A BAD BOY!!!"

He was completely unphased, and continued to squish away. I started back up the stairs, which you would think I would have already considered before. But I was so preoccupied with the trail of tuna being left on the stairs that I kept stopping to yell at him. By this time, the lemonade was down my shirt, and his entire bottle was covered in tuna. I continued to yell at him like a lunatic until I got upstairs and dumped everything on my desk. Andrew was covered from head to toe in tuna and mayo, and I had to go down the stairs to scoop up the tuna from all of the treads. I then had to wash his bottle, since he wouldn't take it with it smelling like tuna/

THIS IS MY LIFE.

I felt like that old riddle, where a man has a fox, a bag of corn and a duck on the bank of a river, and he needs to get them all across. But he can't leave the corn with the duck, because she'll eat it, and can't leave the fox with the duck because he'll eat her. (Ten points if you can tell me the solution, I've loved that riddle since I was a little kid.)

NEVER AGAIN will I be so stubborn. I am a two-trip girl for life. Andrew gets his own special trip. He also got extra kisses from being yelled at by yours truly. WHO YELLS AT A NINE MONTH OLD BABY??

Mom of the year.

Too Early for Christmas?

2009-11-17T12:46:00.002-07:00

K, so on Saturday morning, after straggling in late the night before from the princesses on ice dealie, we were awakened by SNOW. Tons of snow, and as soon as I saw it, I knew that my house as going to be decorated that weekend. Again, I already had MY Thanksgiving back in October, so I am in Christmas mode right after Halloween. I held off as long as I could, but my house looks so freakin' pretty all done up for Christmas, so I had to. I'm sorry, scrooges (like my husband) I couldn't resist. And all week I've been working while listening to the Nutcracker Suite channel on Pandora and I am just DYING for American Thanksgiving to be over with so I can start shopping like a madwoman.

But first, pics from the show. Addison got all dressed up in her Snow White costume and demanded I put make up on her. I obliged because I think it's really fun to put make up on three year olds. In retrospect, I wish we hadn't told her where we were going, beacuse it was an hour away and she asked every five minutes if were were at the princess show yet. It got a leetle tedious. She loved it of course. We snagged good seats and she would freak out at the beginning of each princess' story. And then, when Justin and I would try to ask her what was happening, she would wave us off and hiss "I want to watch it!!!"

That's my girl.

I had to take all of the pics in the dark, alongside of her because she wouldn't turn for TWO SECONDS to let me take her pic. She also ate her weight in popcorn and bought a stupidly expensive light thingy that whirls around and is generally a menace to society.

This is her scared/excited face when the "mean witch" came out.

This was pure excitement when Mushu the dragon appeared. I was pretty sure she thought he was a rock star.

Finally stopping to take a picture. Can I note how FREEZING it was in there, especially after I ate three scoops of ice cream?

And then, the house decorations!! Don't they make you feel all warm and festive inside? I can't walk downstairs without belting out a verse of "Let it Snow".

I swear, it looks like Santa's workshop in here.

Justin and Addison made this centerpiece while I shook my head on the sidelines. But now I kind of like it.

So I've officially kicked off my holiday season! Less than two weeks till the shopping Olympics known as Black Friday, and then all bets are off.

Please tell me I'm not the only one totally jumping the gun here.

Friday Confessional

2009-11-13T10:46:00.002-07:00

We're taking Addison to see Disney Princesses on Ice tonight. I took her once before when she was just tiny, but I think she's pretty much going to die this year. Plus we scored tickets in the 9th row. Partaaaaay like a cartoon. So here's a quick confessional!

-I routinely mix up Robert Redford and Ronald Reagan. I KNOW. I consider myself a generally smart and educated person, but I can never remember which is which. Something about Ronald Reagan once being an actor throws me off every time!
-I hate doing that walk of shame when you go to your mailbox only to find there is nothing there. Like, I put on my shoes, wander out to the mailbox, cars are whizzing by, and... nothing. So embarrassing. At least junk mail would make me look important.
-I always count backward from 100 in order to fall asleep. When I was 17 I had plastic surgery.... on my hand, relax, and when I was being put under, the anaesthesiologist had me count backward from 100 to fall asleep. Even though I don't have the drugs, I've done it ever since.
-I have a ridiculous crush on Conan O'Brien. Like, a leave your husband crush. I think funny guys are the best. Plus I really like his hair and tallness.
-I am officially declaring it Christmas in the Curtis household. It snowed last night and I am feeling very holidayish. I had the music on today without even feeling guilty, and all of the decorations are going up tomorrow. Please, I live in a LOG HOUSE. It was BUILT for Christmas decorations, and I am going to milk whatever I can from the holidays so that my house looks all festive.

Ahh I am so excited it's the weekend! And GARLAND and LIGHTS and RIBBON. I shall take pics and return and report.

Sleeeeeep

2009-11-11T08:23:00.002-07:00

So I 've been complaining to anyone who will listen about my lack of sleep lately. Andrew got sick a week or two ago, and since then has wanted to wake up FOUR times per night, every night.

....I'll give you a moment to absorb that information.

In desperation I've been asking anyone and everyone for advice in the sleep department. Andrew seems like he wants to just know someone is there. Sometimes he'll take a bottle, but most of the time he's just looking for a little comfort. I know he doesn't love to be alone, so night time is hard for him. I was so smug because I thought I had the sleeping thing down. Addison woke up twice a night till six weeks, one a nice till three months, and has slept through the night literally since then. I WAS SO SPOILED. Turns out, that was Addison's doing, not mine.

I have come to the conclusion that I suck at sleep training. Andrew just breaks my heart with his sad little talking in the night and I inevitably go to him. I took my very wise friends' various pieces of advice to help wean myself from going into the nursery as much as I was weaning Andrew from our nightly meetings.

AND!! I am happy to report, Andrew slept through the entire night last night. I heard him wake up once, talk to himself for about 30 seconds, and then go back to sleep again, which is HUGE because he usually wants a bottle to go back to sleep.

And oh my goodness, I woke up this morning and all is right with the world. I wake up a 6am to get some work done before the kids get up. This morning, I didn't roll over and fall back asleep. I bounced out of bed, wrote five articles in an hour and even....GOT DRESSED.

It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do. Considering I hadn't slept through the night since Jan 5th, 2009 (the day I went into the hospital) it was kind of a big deal. Can we all collectively cross our fingers and hope that this was not a fluke? I would appreciate it.

Weekend Update

2009-11-09T16:13:00.003-07:00

Sorry the lack of posting. My internet connection has been BALLS lately and I can't get a connection to stay up and running long enough for me to post pics and whatnot. But it seems okay now, knock wood, and I have some pics from our weekend for you to goo over.

Justin got off work a little early on Friday, and Addison is ALWAYS bugging us to go to the dinosaur museum, so off wewent. We've been there roughly a bajillion times, but Justin had never been. He wanted to stop and look at all of the exhibits and read plaques while I just powered through to the water table. Like, MOVE IT! But two hours later, we were done, armed with crappy souvenirs and ready to crash at home.

Me and Addison with the obligatory cave picture.

Addison hugging the leg of a "long neck". She says that Littlefoot is her buddy. I'm fairly sure she's not supposed to be doing this.

Represent!

Adorable sibling pic! Love!

Andrew taking some time out of the stroller to play with the dinosaurs. How fat is he?

Addison and Daddy in front of the.... stegosaurus? I have no idea.

Addison being fed to the t-rex...

...and the sharks. I dream about it some days when she has asked be for chocolate milk the billionth time.

Okay, so this was today... not the weekend. But this is my daughter ASLEEP in the shopping cart with groceries piled on her. The poor bagger was going to put the stuff in the cart and then realized there was a child asleep in there and just stared at my awkwardly. I was like "Meh, just pile them on top. If she can't breathe she'll wake up."

Classy lady!

A Very Late Halloween Post

2009-11-04T19:16:00.003-07:00

So I know everyone in the blogging world had Halloween pictures up like three days ago, but things were crazy around here. My mom came down for the weekend for a quick trip to take the kids trick or treating, so we were off wandering the streets in search for candy that there is no way Addison will ever eat.

We're working on it.

Anyway, this year we dressed the kids up at like NOON and took them over to the mall. from there we went on a little Main Street-type trick or treat and a trunk or treat, followed by trick or treating to our neighbors because they save the good candy for us. I was SO OVER IT come 9pm, but Addison was excited enough.

In true NFL lovers style, we dressed Andrew up as a Chargers player, and Addison a Chargers cheerleader. And it worked out because people gave them extra treats if they were fans. AWESOME.

My camera died like, one second into the picture taking. If you ever want to see my lose it like a rageaholic, leave my camera on all night long so it isn't ready to take pictures of holidays where children wear costumes. OMG I almost killed everyone. We did okay with the Blackberry though.

Me and the kids before we commenced the Halloween marathon. Click the pic enlarged to see Andrew's AWESOME black lines under his eyes. I had to wipe them off shortly after because he managed to smear it into his mouth somehow.

We also did some time with MY favorite Halloween tradition... WAX LIPS!

True story. I ate them. They didn't taste as good as my eight year old self remembered them. Boo to being an adult.

Truthfully, I am just glad Halloween is over so I can slowly inch toward Christmas. I *might* be planning on putting up my tree next week. Don't judge me.

Weird Kids

2009-10-30T08:51:00.001-06:00

Addison and Andrew love to play together. As far as I can tell, Andrew pretty much worships his sister, and lets her do mean things to him, which he finds funny. Here she is poking him in the eye with a birthday favor, and him loving it.

Check it out!

Weirdos.

By the way...

2009-10-28T20:23:00.001-06:00

It was a ghost.

Not Martha Stewart or the Hamburgler.

Jerks.

Weekend Update

2009-10-26T20:28:00.002-06:00

On Friday, Addison declared that she wanted a "girl day". Every so often, she and I go off and do something girly just on our own, and it's become a fun little tradition with us. It started back when Justin was in scouts and had to go on camp outs EVERY WEEK and Addison and I were left to our own devices.

So, I deposited Andrew at Justin's mom's house, and Addison and I went off in search of something fun to do. We finally decided to go to the Witch Festival being held at a cute little tourist-y village nearby. It had a ton of cute witches done up that you were supposed to go on a scavenger hunt for, tons of shops to buy things from, and with manicures. We bought Addison a witch hat and got her first, real manicure. Which is RIDICULOUS because I'm 25 and never had a manicure. I have crappy nails. She chose pink, with sparkles and kitties. lol. The ladies at the spa loved her. I think they were just sick of doing french tips.

We also went on a search for home decor stuff, something that poor Andrew (or Justin) has no patience for. I went a little crazy and came back with three bags of stuff for my house. Bahhh I am already chomping at the bit to get decorated ofr Christmas, but I'm trying to wait until the second week of November. I CAN DO IT!!

On Saturday, I cracked the whip and Justin got going on a few things around the house that needed to be done while I mucked out the kids' room. With Addison, I saved EVERYTHING. Every outfit was lovingly placed in storage for my next little girl. Poor Andrew, I am so anti-babies right now that as soon as he outgrows something, it goes right to the thrift shop. So I got rid of a bunch of stuff that he wore once because he grows and is a behemoth of a baby. It felt good to purge. I watch those Hoarders shows and feel bad for them, because there is no better feeling than getting crap out of your house.

Get this... we even bought drapes. I KNOW. If you've ever been to my house, then you know that the entire front is glass, and everyone in the neighborhood is intimately acquainted with the going ons in our kitchen. While it doesn't bother me (I figure if we're interesting enough for people to want to peer into our windows, why not give 'em a little show?) I know my BROTHERS don't love it, and am trying to be a good host for when they come to crash on my couch. (*cough* in 55 days)

So we were pretty much PARTY ANIMALS this weekend. BUT! I do have pretty new trim rings on all of the lights in my house, and drapes are in the mail, and I am feeling very accomplished and clean. Good enough, right?

OH! Also, we carved a pumpkin, which is now rotting on my table. It was the first time that we attempted anything other than your classic toothy smile. Which makes me mad because Justin does architecture for goodness sakes. He DRAWS things for a living and never wants to draw on the pumpkin. But he did this year. I only had to cut out the last bit. Ten points to whoever can correctly identify what it's supposed to be!

Siiick

2009-10-21T10:00:00.002-06:00

What the heck is up with this season? What with the SWINE FLU EPIDEMIC (I'm fearmongering! I've always wanted to fearmonger!) and us having some kind of food poisoning, various colds and all of that business, poor Andrew was sick over the weekend. I waited ALL DAY to go shopping and literally the moment we stepped into the store, he erupted into tears. And cried. And cried. I left the store about three minutes later, because I REFUSE to be that frazzled mom with two kids, one of which is throwing a fit. We went straight home because it's not like Andrew to be inconsolable. He went to sleep, and when he woke up, decided to throw up. It was lovely.

And now, I woke up this morning feeling AWFUL. Is it me, or has everyone been on their death beds lately? Everyone I talk to is sick. All of my friends, neighbors, everyone.

So. Does anyone want to bring me chicken soup? Scratch that, even that is making me queasy. How about a lime Pepsi with lots of ice and a trashy book to read? Sound good?

After I get my work done I am plowing into my pillow and staying there all afternoon. The kids can run rampant. Andrew isn't mobile, so I figure he can't get into too many shenanigans. And as long as the front door is locked, I'm sure Addison will be fine.

UGH! Sickness!

I am so over it.

363 Days

2009-10-19T20:43:00.002-06:00

It's been 363 days since we received our diagnosis for Andrew and Thomas. I knew the anniversary was coming up, we had our first ultrasound on Oct 22, 2008. I also knew that I'm going to be a little touchy that day, so any kind of journaling about it would have to happen beforehand, lest I dissolve into a useless puddle like I have a tendency to do.

It seems crazy to me that it was a full year ago that we were in that doctor's office, being told about our baby boys and their condition. I remember the absolute despair that accompanies the doctor's words and explanations. Dr. Schemmer brought in a box of Kleenex for me while he explained what was going on, fully expecting that I would need them, and I didn't even reach for them once. I was so far in shock that it was impossible to cry. It wasn't until I got outside to call my family that I realized the impact of what was happening to us, and how this would change all of our plans.

On the 23rd, when we saw the surgeon, he gave us those terrible less-than-30% odds of a healthy baby and I remember driving home from Salt Lake with no hope whatsoever. But little by little, one day at a time, we watched as Andrew struggled through and supported himself and Thomas. Some days it really was taking it minute by minute. I lived those months with my breath always held back. I was terrified to hope for anything, because I didn't want to be heartbroken if things went badly. I walked around, carrying two babies, one who I would never see alive, and one who I wasn't sure would live.

Fast forward a year later. Andrew is a healthy and happy and, as referenced by pictures, insanely cute nine month old baby. His resilience astounds me and everyone who sees him. Anytime someone asks me how he's doing health-wise, I tell them that no one told Andrew that he was supposed to be sick. He is the most beautiful baby. This is going into mushy mom cuteness territory, but sometimes I look at that perfect, round, baby face with his blue-blue eyes I honestly think there was no one in the entire world as blessed as me. To beat the odds and get such a reward. I also say that's why Andrew is as sweet of a baby as he is; he knows the grief he caused me before he was born and decided to go easy on me now. He is all smiles all of the time, and it was worth every ultrasound, every test, every day and night at the hospital and every tear shed and prayer whispered to get him here.

Yet, every day I still struggle with the sadness from losing Thomas, and feeling like our family is missing a member. I still think about what it would have been like to call my family and tell them that we were having our twin boys. While it gets a little easier every day to live with, I'm still so sad that Andrew will never know the brother that was such a part of him. I see it as my job to make sure that he knows his story. I had a pendant engraved with Thomas' little imperfect footprints. And while wearing it, sometimes, when I'm out with Addison and Andrew, I feel like I have all three children with me.

So, I guess 363 days is a bit of a turning point for us. Everything changed in a moment for Justin, Addison and me on Oct. 22nd, 2008. But I can guarantee that on Oct. 19th, 2009, we are a stronger, bigger and better family than we were 363 days ago. The experience that was so absolutely hopeless is something that I am so insanely grateful for now. And now, I can only look forward to every day as a chance to learn and grow from our experiences. To learn to remember but not to dwell. To learn to not be broken, but reinforced at every seam.

And we'll be fine.

It'll be great.

Internal Monologue

2009-10-14T20:30:00.002-06:00

**An actual conversation I had with MYSELF while doing my hair yesterday. This was in my head. Not out loud. Pshh. What do you think I am, crazy? And then I was like wow. I need to post this on my blog so that people can understand 1) my vanity and 2) how my mind works. Enjoy.

Me: So you know what I hate? Birthdays.
Me2: I KNOW, right? Like, everyone freaks out when they hear I got married on my birthday, but little do they know it's just my way of trying to sneak my birthday under the rug.
Me: So true, so true. Like, how uncomfortable are birthdays?
Me2: Everyone looking at you, and giving you presents, and then looking at you expectantly to see if you like said presents. It's so awkward.
Me: I hate attention.
Me2: No you don't.
Me: You're right. I just hate birthday attention. It's so unsolicited.
Me2: But you like other attention.
Me: That's true. Like when I get dressed up and look good and then I'm like HEY LOOK AT ME.
Me2:................. ..............So basically, what you're saying is you only like attention that you've solicited yourself?
Me: Well... I'm a good salesperson.

WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? I am talking to myself here. Again. It's a good thing I find myself so interesting.

Weekend Update

2009-10-12T11:04:00.004-06:00

Our weekend was quiet, but still good. I love the ones where we just mess around and don't do anything in particular. I took a ton of picture (how come I won't take any pictures for like, a month, and then take a bajillion at once? Weird.)

Andrew was clearly tuckered out by our hardcore partying on Friday night. I painted teacups with Addison and the excitement was far too much.

But then!! He woke up to try his first piece of licorice. Red Vines are awesome. Dirty kids make me squeamish.

Addison decided it would be a good time to take her pants off and wear my slipper. PS my desk is messy... Justin promised to build me a new bookshelf one of these days.

Why hello newly clean, adorable baby! Would you like to barf on the dirty couch some more?

Addison likes to take my camera and take pictures of me, so I turn my camera on and there is 345 pictures just like this one. Also a few of her Barbies.

On Saturday we were all ready to go to the Zoo. On the way up there, we decided it was too much of a production and decided to head up the canyon instead. The fall is so. pretty. here. Here we are headed up the road to the lake.

I got Justin to stop while I plucked off individual leaves here for "crafts" with Addison. A car came up behind us and was no impressed. WHO goes up a canyon to actually get somewhere fast?

The very cold lake... looking very cold.

Me and Addison huddled to stay warm. Look how red my nose is! There was snow up there!

Me and the babies out on the pier. It had a hole in it. Very scary.

Andrew loves to be outside. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him and Justin come next fall.. .they'll be off shooting things.

Justin with his kidlings.

Me realizing our family is too big for selfies. And I have squinty eyes.

Andrew loving his all-terrain stroller. This thing took on hiking trails, it was awesome.

Addison kept her Ariel doll toasty warm in her sweater. Also, she's standing next to the hole because I am a proactive parent.

We also went off to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner (I'm Canadian, remember) and it was delish! It was good to have someone head it up this year, since I'm usually appointed chief turkey-maker.

So we're back to life now. Andrew and I have colds (if it seems like we've been sick a lot lately, it's because we have.) and so today was appointed official rest day. Of course, Andrew understood "rest" as "Get up at 5:30 am and laugh like a madman in his crib until I woke up. Sigh.) I'm gunning for soup and a nap this afternoon. Wish me luck!

Latest Pics

2009-10-08T14:05:00.004-06:00

My mom will kill me if I don't post some pics. GEEZ MOM.

As we were driving home from the cabin the other day, we had Justin's brother's dog with us. Addison fell asleep and as soon as she did, the puppy climbed on her lap and went to sleep. They were so cute napping together that I had to dangerously traverse the car to find my bag and dig out the camera.

The other morning Andrew was SUPPOSED to be taking a nap, but instead was in there talking. Morning is my work time, so I went in there all mad that he wasn't sleeping. This is the face I got. I immediately felt like the worse mom ever and put off work so that we could play. Also, how cool is his crib quilt? He's like a baby Tarzan. The nursery is done in Noah's Ark, so Andrew got the animal part.

Justin recently discovered that when Andrew is cranky (and honestly, I'm not just saying this because I think he's cooler than regular babies, but he gets cranky like, once every three weeks) that his hate equals instant happiness... or instant cuteness. AND LOOK HOW FAT HE ISSSSSSSS!

So, I'm a slacker. Addison started school a half a month behind everyone else because of our vacationing. So this was her on her first day, which was everyone else's like, eighth. So far she loves it.

I love hearing her stories when she comes home. Yesterday, she told me that the other kids had picked her to play a game, and the rest of the day she told me "Mommy? You and me are on a team" anytime we did anything.

On an especially cute day. Ugh three year olds are hilarious, I want one forever. This particular day she learned about successfully calling 911 in an emergency. When I asked what an emergency was, she said a fire. Then she said she liked "rescue heroes" like "police offsisers". I died.

Jae's Book Club

2009-10-05T21:49:00.003-06:00

Allllright party people, here is the last crop pf books that I read. Some I loved, some I thought were a little weak, but since I give just about every book a chance, I'll let you make those decisions yourself.

My Sister's Keeper: Jodi Picoult

I know that My Sister's Keeper has been out for a while, but I usually have mixed feelings about Ms. Picoult's work. I am of the opinion that she writes entirely too many sub-par books, instead of a few really good ones. I hated 19 Minutes, and tolerate The Tenth Circle. HOWEVER, usually when a movie is being made from a book, I want to read it just to see what it's all about. My Sister's Keeper is about a girl who was genetically engineered to be a perfect match for her cancer-ridden sister, so that she can donate blood, organs etc to keep her alive. She sues her parents for medical emancipation, and the majority of the book is about the trial that ensues. While I found the ending melodramatic, I would be lying if I said I didn't cry. In the end, it was a good read and really touching to someone who has recently spent a lot of time in the hospital.

Impossible: Nancy Werlin

I bought this book solely because I was running of to Lake Powell, I needed something to read on the boat, and this was the ONLY book at the store NOT about vampires. I wish I was kidding. I even saw one called Mr. Darcy, Vampire. Can I just go off on a tangent about how crappy of a writer you are if you copy not one, but TWO other authors books to make your own? Terrible. Anyways, Impossible is about a girl who finds that she has a family curse placed on her that uses the folk song, The Scarborough Fair, to make her complete seemingly impossible tasks before she has her first baby, or risk insanity. It sounds crazy, because it is. I liked if for a nice, light read though. I had it done in a couple hours. It was relatively clean too, because it's more geared to YA fiction.

Two Rivers: T. Greenwood

OMG I loved this vbook. It's about a man who does a terrible thing in his past and tries to forget. He's reminded of it when a train crashes in his quiet town of Two Rivers, and he takes in a pregnant teenager who was on the train. In his way, taking her in is his redemption for what he's done, but it also forces him to remember the happenings of 12 years ago. You know how much I love a good American tale-type book, and this one was perfect for me. Really amazing book. Another one I finished in a day because I read and read and read it. It's beautiful.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Sociaety: Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

This was a book that I'd meant to pick up for literally MONTHS. But I judge my books by thickness... I like them to last me a while, and this was a tiny read so I never got around to it. Finally I coerced Justin into buying me some books in bulk, and I finally picked this one up. I am so so so glad I did. It's a book about the Nazi occupation of Guernsey, one of the British isles found in the English Channel. Basically forgotten by both sides of the war, residents dealt with the occupation as they could. I loved this book so much I am starting to read it again because I feel like I didn't read it slow enough. I never ever do that. It was easily the best book in the whole batch that I read.

The Lucky One: Nicholas Sparks

I have this sick fascination with Nicholas Sparks. I read The Notebook when I was 17, and of course, as a teenage girl I fell madly in love with it. Since then I've liked exactly two of his other books... A Walk to Remember and Dear John. The rest have been predictable and soppy. But I still buy all of his books just to see if he's got another gem. This was OKAY I guess. I feel like he always has to have some crazy twist in his books, so I found myself guessing and ruining the whole thing for myself. It's about a soldier in Iraq who finds a picture about a woman and keeps it with him through his service, thinking it is a lucky charm. When home, he walks across the country looking for her. I just felt like it was predictable and nothing special, like his big snoozers, The Guardian, The Choice and True Believer. It was a yawner, but if you like his books, go right ahead. I'll read The Last Song next and let you know.

The Blood of Flowers: Anita Amirrezvani

I bought this book SO randomly just because it seemed interesting enough. It's a medieval story, but it takes place in Iran, which I found interesting. It details the life of a girl whose father dies, leaving her and her mother to fend for themselves in class-based Iran, to work as servants for her father's wealthy half-brother. She is later sold to be the secret wife of a rich merchant, which ruins her prospects for a honorable marriage. It was interesting to read about rituals and markets of Iran and I really liked the book, as well as the ending. It weaves old Iranian fairy tales through the book that parallel the girl's (who is nameless) life. I will say though, it was a very graphic read. Not for the squeamish.

Alright, that was my last month in books. Excepting the Nicholas Sparks love-fest, it was a good one. I am reading GLAPPPS once more before I head to the bookstore to stock up for the next month or two.

Enjoy!

Friday Confessional

2009-10-02T13:56:00.002-06:00

Geez, it's been a while since we did one of these eh? Sometimes I feel like there is not one possible thing that I haven't confessed to, but then I think of some other weird trait I have, and we're back in business!

-I have no concept of the future. Justin is constantly trying to talk me into paying extra on the mortgage, so it'll be paid off in 25 years instead of 30. It's so far away that I can't even comprehend. I can't even comprehend saving money for Christmas. Its still too far away. I like last minutes.
-When I concentrate, I roll my tongue back on itself. Like the tip goes towards the back and I don;t even notice that I do it until I relax a little. I roll my tongue when: driving, cooking and cleaning... all things that do not come naturally to me.
-For marrying someone so much older than me, I have weird cougar-like tenancies to younger boys. I crush on Zach Efron. Badly. I also like the lifeguards at various pools. They're 18. OMG.
-I play my Nintendo DS in the bathtub. Right now I'm playing Princess Peach. I dropped it once and it STILL WORKS. A testament to Nintendo in general.
-I buy books in bulk. Since I hate to borrow books from the library (there's so much pressure to read them right then!) I like to go buy three or four books from the store at a time, because having something to read immediately after a book makes me feel warm and safe. I panic otherwise and then reread books like Prep. And it's smutty.
-I hate apple pie, (WARM FRUIT!!!!) but I made three for my husband last Sunday. I took me all morning. Now I just have these awful pies taunting me with their disgusting gooey centers.
-I judge the following people: Other moms. People who use motorized shopping carts. People who work at cell phone pavilions in the mall. People who think of their hobbies as talents. Children with bad names. People who eat at Taco Bell or Carl's Jr.

Ah, that feels better.

The Dysfunctionals!

*****ACTUAL CONVERSATION*****

The Story of the Stockings

Uncharacteristically Crafty

A Change!

Oh yeah...

At First...

The Fishin' Hole

Extreme Makeover, Log Home Edition

They *Might* be Related

Knock Knock

Overwhelming Updates

How to Clean Your House in Three Seconds or Less

Music Challenge Day 26

Music Challenge Day 23

Music Challenge: Day Six

Music Challenge - Day Four

Music Challenge - Day Three

Music Challenge - Day Two

Music Challenge - Day One

Friday Confessional

Jae's Book Club

My Girl

My Boy

Helicopter Mom

Yeah...

****ACTUAL CONVERSATION****

He Speaks!

And Now, a Barrage of Super-Late Christmas Posts

Snow Day

Name That Dinosaur!

Jae's Book Club

Peanut

Touchy.

Generic Halloween Post

Andrew Word Count

****ACTUAL CONVERSATION***

Stranger Danger

Friday Confessional

Mom Dating

O, Canada!

Flying with Kids

Jae's Book Club

Why I'm Generally the "Mean" Parent

Before and After

Speepyheads

Seven Years? No... really?

Friday Confessional

****ACTUAL CONVERSATION****

She Inherited My Knowledge of Sports

Um, What?

Weekend/Life Update...ish

Addison's Very Large and Unnecessary Graduation

Mother's Day in Saint to the George

If I Should Die Before This Blog Post

Box Karaoke FTW!

True Love

Oh, Right... Easter

Rocky VI

Zoo Pics!

I Knew It!

Friday Confessional

Rural Times

I'm Baaaack!

Weekend Update

Adventures in Immigration

Home Again, Home Again

Jae's Book Club

Hadda Be a Hero...

Friday Confessional

One Year Old

Say Cheese!

***ACTUAL CONVERSATION***

My life just got significantly easier...

Circus, Circus

Streak Free Shine

Weekend Update: Bowling for Preschoolers

Before and After

Friday Confessional

Jae's Book Club

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

They Might be Related

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

**ACTUAL CONVERSATION*

ACTUAL CONVERSATION

ACTUAL CONVERSATION