Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Being Independent

You guys know I am always saying how independent I am. I don't like help, I like to figure things out on my own and I prefer to take care of stuff on my own. Even when it's come to this pregnancy and all it's troubles, I've wanted to handle it on my own terms and figure it out by myself. I go to my appointments usually on my own because I'm like come on, I can handle this! But I've totally learned my lesson.

Yesterday I had my first appointment after the holidays. This is also my last week of having only two appointments a week, next week I'm upped to three ultrasounds and three non stress tests a week. ANyhow, I get in there, I am totally feeling fine, and they call me in for my preliminary ultrasounds (they do two ultrasounds per visit, one with a tech and then one with the doctor) and it's the same tech I always have. She's really really quiet and not much of a small talker, so I just get up on the table and lay down and get ready and the ultrasound begins. About halfway through, when she is checking the heart, I notice that my heart is just pounding and I start having some trouble breathing. Whatever, I don't like to make a big deal. But then I start getting really hot and really labouring to breathe, and I feel super sick, like I've got the flu. I still don't say anything, I thought I must just not be feeling well all of a sudden. Then, I lose my sight and I get a high pitched noise in my ears, which only happens when I faint, but I am laying there thinking "I am laying down, how could I be fainting?" Finally, the tech noticed something was wrong and asked if I was alright. I was like "I think I'm fainting. I can't see anything." She got up and flopped be over onto my side and ran to get some water. One of the babies was sitting on my main vessel and cutting off my oxygen supply. Yet another super fun thing that happens with twins. Not enough space for my organs, I guess. So I won't be laying on my back or staying in the same position for a long time from now on. Which should help while I'm LAYING IN A HOSPITAL BED.

Also, Dr. Schemmer came in after and said that he would admit me next week if I wanted to. This is four weeks ahead of where we were planning to admit, and basically he said it's a choice of ow much intervention we would want if something happened and the baby had to be born this early. If we would everything done, we should admit soon. If we would just let nature take it's course, we can wait a while. He gave me all the stats of survival and basically told me to go home and think about it and talk about it with Justin. We are still trying to figure it out. I am thinking maybe to admit in three weeks, right after Christmas, but we're still taking a chance that something might happen and we wouldn't know about it. It's a scary prospect.

So after my HORRIBLE routine appointment, I went to Justin's work and immediately burst into tears because I was so overwhelmed by not feeling well in the ultrasound, plus this monumental, awful decision we have to make. His poor coworkers must think I'm nuts. But most of all, I was sad to acknowledge that I can't do this all by myself like I want to. It kind of sucks, because I hate bothering people to help me. I didn't even tell the poor ultrasound tech that I was blacking out because I didn't want to inconvenience her. But I guess it's just another lesson that has to be learned the hard way.

Anyhow, we'll keep everyone up to date on what we decide and when to admit and all that. I'm telling you now, if you are one of my friends living in state, you are doomed to come entertain me at the hospital day and night. I have the attention span of a gnat.


Derek and Mary said...

You let me know and I'll come and visit! I can't believe you were passing out and didn't say anything! Practice these words for me, "I need help." We'll keep praying for you and hope that you guys can come to a decision you both are comfortable with.

Carolyn said...

Jae we will totally come visit! And if Addison needs some kid entertainment, she can totally come spend the day at our house! Seriously, let us know if you need anything. I know how hard it is to ask for help, but we're all here for you!

Morgan and Derek said...

Jae! I know how you are about "By myself..." but hang in there hon. And let people help if you need it.

Love ya!

kemery755 said...

You silly goose, of course we'll visit! And Addison can come play with Autumn any time. I got a library card a couple weeks ago, gimme a list, and I'll bring you some books. :)

Lisa B said...

Oh Jae. My heart breaks for you. I can't even imagine the stress you are under. I am the same way about wanting to do everything by myself so I know how you feel. You know I don't live far from the hospital, so call me if you get bored and I'll come hang out with you!

Kat said...

I can't visit but I will be thinking of you!!

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