The Great Key Hunt of '09

We are alive over here in the frozen tundra, but with Christmas fast approaching and my to-do list getting longer instead of shorter, things are going to be scarce 'round these parts until after the big holiday. Not sure if I mentioned it for the millionth time, but I am going to have a house full of Porters here for Christmas, and I haven't had any time to just SIT for a minute. Mostly I'm going a hundred miles an hour until I collapse into bed. Secretly, I like being busy, but publicly, I complain a lot.

So I never wrote about mine and Justin's foray into private investigation. The other day I was getting the kids ready to go see Justin for lunch and get some shopping done. I had gotten the kids bundled up, bottles made, diaper bag packed, ready to go out the door, when I realized I couldn't find my keys. This happens a lot. I set the kids down while I went and checked my usual places for them. My usual places include: in my pants, on the computer desk, and for some reason I don't know why, the spice rack. Nothing. I looked for AN HOUR before calling Justin and telling him we weren't coming. And I was as mad as a hornet. I HATE not being able to find things. But I hate getting the kids ready to go somewhere, because it takes about THREE HOURS, and then not being able to go. It's lame.

So I put the kids down for a nap, and continued to look. I had just cleaned the house the day before, and hadn't seen them anywhere. So I commenced tearing the house apart looking for them. I pulled out all of Addison's toys, dumped out all of the laundry and took the cushions out of the couch. Justin came home from work early and we even tore the fabric out of the bottom of our couch to find them. NOTHING. We even bit the bullet and LOOKED IN THE GARBAGE. I kid you not. Finally, around 9 pm we called it quits, and resolved to call the dealership the next day to see if they could replace our keys for the tidy sum of $150. Right before Christmas. Awesome.

The next morning, we woke up early and I laid in bed replaying everything that I had done the last time I'd seen the keys. It was kind of like when you see an actor and can't remember who he is. only this time I didn't have IMDB to turn to. Finally, we got up and I went to get my green jacket to go outside. I put my arm in the sleeve, and wouldn't you know it, there were my keys.

I *may* have jumped up and down like I'd won American Idol and jumped on Justin while screaming like a lunatic. There is no better feeling in the world than finding lost car keys, I swear. Having a baby pales in comparison.

I learned my lesson(s). 1) Stop being so vain and wearing different jackets every day. If I hadn't needed to wear my white trench, none of this would have happened. 2) Justin isn't just being fussy when he tells me to use the key hanger.

Got it.

Soccer Mom

When Addison was six months old, I quit my office job to be a full time stay at home mom with her. Although I was working only half days, it was too hard to be away from my tiny baby and my boss was psychotic, making it worse.

I still remember that first day that me and Addison were home alone together, for an entire day. Our television was downstairs at the time, as we'd just moved into our new house. I remember putting on Sesame Street, because we didn't have cable, and staring at Addison because I had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH HER. See, around 6-8 months, babies are delightful. They are happy all of the time and basically entertain themselves. And I was SO bored I didn't know what to do with myself. I would hear stories of the busy, van-driving moms that are barely home all day and always have something to do. I think during that time I was searching for anything to do. If I remember correctly I even bought a kit to make a clock. YEAH.

Fast forward three years. Yesterday I woke up at 6:30, because that's when I can squeeze in work before Andrew wakes up. He was up and at 'em, and so I shook Addison awake too. From there I scrambled to get everyone breakfast, and both kids ended up a mess. I struggled to write a few more articles while they played, and then dumped them in the tub. As soon as I got them out, Addison's little friend called to play. I said, "What the heck, send her over," and dumped some clothes on Addison so she wouldn't be the weird underpants kid. Andrew was put for a nap while I controlled two squealing little girls' noise level, got them lunch and finished 11 articles in two hours. Friend was dropped off on the way to a doctor's appointment, after which I went grocery shopping, came home and cleaned the house, made dinner and finished a few Christmas stockings I was making for my family.

My point? I MISS YOU, LONG DAYS OF NOTHINGESS!! If I had known that I would be one of those moms trucking kids around in my big SUV, running to doctors appointments and buying milk two gallons at a time, I would have prepared better. Laid around in bed a little more often. Watched a few more DVDs in the quiet. But no. I made clocks and wished for days like that. WHAT WAS I THINKING.

Although, I will say there is something to be said for falling into bed as soon as those days are over, and knowing you got it all done. And feeling a little like superwoman.

In related news, Andrew had his 9 month check up. I had been delaying his vaccinations and skipped them at 6 months altogether because I didn't like the way he reacted to his 4 month ones. So I bucked up and took him. He is, as usual, healthy as a horse. He took his vax like a champ. He is now 23 pounds! For those of you keeping track, he is a mere 6 pounds less than Addison. Faaaat guy in a little coooooat.

Oh, also, the doctor declared him to be extremely good looking.



I am inclined to agree.

Weekend Update: Thanksgiving Edition

I will never get over how odd I think American Thanksgiving is. It's just so late in the year! And cold! Actually, this year it wasn't really that cold. But still. When I was freeing my biscuit off at 11:30 pm outside of the mall, I was cursing American Thanksgiving. But I digress...

I stayed up Wednesday night baking. My super awesome friends, Kate and Sara, run the food blog that you can see to the right of my page there. Do you see it? Aw, cute. Anyhow, I was inspired by their foodiness, and made their White Chocolate Pumpkin Cheesecake, the remains of which are slowly being eaten by yours truly. It. Was. Awesome. It was such a nice break from all of the pie. Totally worth it. However, we did find out while grinding up pecans that Andrew is DEATHLY afraid of my food processor. Like screaming like a crazy person scared. I was so tempted to demonstrate for Justin when he came home, but felt like it might have bordered on child abuse.

Thanksgiving was pretty good, I will say. As weird as it is, I ate my weight in sweet potatoes and wanted to sleep for years. I did get all of my Black Friday ads, and get this: I got out my post it notes, and wrote what time each store opened and what I needed at each store, and stuck it all over the fliers so that I'd be organized. I AM SICK IN THE HEAD. But it did help me stay organized and not become distracted by shiny things while out shopping.

This was the first year I attempted Black Friday on my own and I did not love it. Here's why. I hope that somewhere, the lady that SCREWED me over is reading this blog, so she can find out what a terrible person she is. Often, on Black Friday, you end up teaming up with complete strangers who are also looking for the same items as you are, so that together you can find it faster. Because stores like to toy with consumers, sale items are always in random places in all of the stores. I was looking for a toy for Addison, and overheard a lady say she was looking for it as well. I offered up the places I had already looked and we agreed to work together. We searched, and when we found it, there were TWO left on the very top shelf. She was much taller than I was, so she reached up to get them down, and I held out my hands to catch it..................................... which is when she walked off with BOTH. I was so mad that I passively aggressively wrote about it on my blog. I came home from shopping in the worst mood. Justin had to take me to the mall just to get me to calm down. Brutal.

I went shopping in Salt Lake on Saturday and spent too much money. When I came home Justin had a mild heart attack and I think he might have died for like three seconds. But I felt happy and fulfilled, and now Christmas is in full swing. I have exactly three weeks before my family invades my home, and I have to plan my attack for getting everything ready.

If you aren't listening to Christmas music, watching Elf on repeat or baking gingerbread yet, SHAME ON YOU!

Big Tuna

So before I start this post, I have to preface it with two fun facts about myself.

1. I really like tuna. I know it's really weird, but I love to mix it up with some mayo, celery and cucumber and eat it on crackers for lunch. I probably do it once a week, and I would do it more but I think eating tuna in general is pretty weird.

2. I make it my personal mission in life to carry as much thing upstairs as possible. I usually eat lunch at my desk, and I refuse to go back downstairs for multiple trips. It is just less effective.

But then I endured the Great Tuna Incident of '09.

It started innocently enough. I plopped Andrew on the counter while I made my tuna salad and crackers. Well, I didn't make the crackers, I pulled them out of the plastic sleeve. You know what I meant. Anyhow. I made my tuna just the way I like it. I got the crackers ready, and poured myself a glass of raspberry lemonade. Then I remembered Addison wanted chocolate milk, so I made her some, and then mixed a bottle for Andrew as well.

Then I realized I had to figure out a way to get a bowl of tuna, a sleeve of crackers, a glass of lemonade, a cup of milk, a bottle and Andrew up the stairs in one trip.

So I gathered up Andrew in my right arm. I picked up the bowl of tuna with my right hand, but the bottle in the crook of my left arm, the crackers on Andrew somehow, the chocolate milk in my sweater pocket and the lemonade in my left hand. Then, feeling very on top of things, proceeded to carry the whole lot of it up the stairs.

When we got on the landing, I realized Andrew was putting his hand into the tuna, grabbing fistfuls of it and squishing it all over his bottle and the floor. I started freaking out. In the commotion, I spilled all of the lemonade on myself. I still had no hands to stop Andrew from squishing the tuna, so I commenced yelling at him.

"ANDREW! ANDREW! NO! BAD BABY. YOU ARE A BAD BOY!!!"

He was completely unphased, and continued to squish away. I started back up the stairs, which you would think I would have already considered before. But I was so preoccupied with the trail of tuna being left on the stairs that I kept stopping to yell at him. By this time, the lemonade was down my shirt, and his entire bottle was covered in tuna. I continued to yell at him like a lunatic until I got upstairs and dumped everything on my desk. Andrew was covered from head to toe in tuna and mayo, and I had to go down the stairs to scoop up the tuna from all of the treads. I then had to wash his bottle, since he wouldn't take it with it smelling like tuna/

THIS IS MY LIFE.

I felt like that old riddle, where a man has a fox, a bag of corn and a duck on the bank of a river, and he needs to get them all across. But he can't leave the corn with the duck, because she'll eat it, and can't leave the fox with the duck because he'll eat her. (Ten points if you can tell me the solution, I've loved that riddle since I was a little kid.)

NEVER AGAIN will I be so stubborn. I am a two-trip girl for life. Andrew gets his own special trip. He also got extra kisses from being yelled at by yours truly. WHO YELLS AT A NINE MONTH OLD BABY??

Mom of the year.

Too Early for Christmas?

K, so on Saturday morning, after straggling in late the night before from the princesses on ice dealie, we were awakened by SNOW. Tons of snow, and as soon as I saw it, I knew that my house as going to be decorated that weekend. Again, I already had MY Thanksgiving back in October, so I am in Christmas mode right after Halloween. I held off as long as I could, but my house looks so freakin' pretty all done up for Christmas, so I had to. I'm sorry, scrooges (like my husband) I couldn't resist. And all week I've been working while listening to the Nutcracker Suite channel on Pandora and I am just DYING for American Thanksgiving to be over with so I can start shopping like a madwoman.

But first, pics from the show. Addison got all dressed up in her Snow White costume and demanded I put make up on her. I obliged because I think it's really fun to put make up on three year olds. In retrospect, I wish we hadn't told her where we were going, beacuse it was an hour away and she asked every five minutes if were were at the princess show yet. It got a leetle tedious. She loved it of course. We snagged good seats and she would freak out at the beginning of each princess' story. And then, when Justin and I would try to ask her what was happening, she would wave us off and hiss "I want to watch it!!!"

That's my girl.

I had to take all of the pics in the dark, alongside of her because she wouldn't turn for TWO SECONDS to let me take her pic. She also ate her weight in popcorn and bought a stupidly expensive light thingy that whirls around and is generally a menace to society.


This is her scared/excited face when the "mean witch" came out.


This was pure excitement when Mushu the dragon appeared. I was pretty sure she thought he was a rock star.


Finally stopping to take a picture. Can I note how FREEZING it was in there, especially after I ate three scoops of ice cream?

And then, the house decorations!! Don't they make you feel all warm and festive inside? I can't walk downstairs without belting out a verse of "Let it Snow".


I swear, it looks like Santa's workshop in here.









Justin and Addison made this centerpiece while I shook my head on the sidelines. But now I kind of like it.

So I've officially kicked off my holiday season! Less than two weeks till the shopping Olympics known as Black Friday, and then all bets are off.

Please tell me I'm not the only one totally jumping the gun here.

Friday Confessional

We're taking Addison to see Disney Princesses on Ice tonight. I took her once before when she was just tiny, but I think she's pretty much going to die this year. Plus we scored tickets in the 9th row. Partaaaaay like a cartoon. So here's a quick confessional!

-I routinely mix up Robert Redford and Ronald Reagan. I KNOW. I consider myself a generally smart and educated person, but I can never remember which is which. Something about Ronald Reagan once being an actor throws me off every time!
-I hate doing that walk of shame when you go to your mailbox only to find there is nothing there. Like, I put on my shoes, wander out to the mailbox, cars are whizzing by, and... nothing. So embarrassing. At least junk mail would make me look important.
-I always count backward from 100 in order to fall asleep. When I was 17 I had plastic surgery.... on my hand, relax, and when I was being put under, the anaesthesiologist had me count backward from 100 to fall asleep. Even though I don't have the drugs, I've done it ever since.
-I have a ridiculous crush on Conan O'Brien. Like, a leave your husband crush. I think funny guys are the best. Plus I really like his hair and tallness.
-I am officially declaring it Christmas in the Curtis household. It snowed last night and I am feeling very holidayish. I had the music on today without even feeling guilty, and all of the decorations are going up tomorrow. Please, I live in a LOG HOUSE. It was BUILT for Christmas decorations, and I am going to milk whatever I can from the holidays so that my house looks all festive.

Ahh I am so excited it's the weekend! And GARLAND and LIGHTS and RIBBON. I shall take pics and return and report.

Sleeeeeep

So I 've been complaining to anyone who will listen about my lack of sleep lately. Andrew got sick a week or two ago, and since then has wanted to wake up FOUR times per night, every night.

....I'll give you a moment to absorb that information.

In desperation I've been asking anyone and everyone for advice in the sleep department. Andrew seems like he wants to just know someone is there. Sometimes he'll take a bottle, but most of the time he's just looking for a little comfort. I know he doesn't love to be alone, so night time is hard for him. I was so smug because I thought I had the sleeping thing down. Addison woke up twice a night till six weeks, one a nice till three months, and has slept through the night literally since then. I WAS SO SPOILED. Turns out, that was Addison's doing, not mine.

I have come to the conclusion that I suck at sleep training. Andrew just breaks my heart with his sad little talking in the night and I inevitably go to him. I took my very wise friends' various pieces of advice to help wean myself from going into the nursery as much as I was weaning Andrew from our nightly meetings.

AND!! I am happy to report, Andrew slept through the entire night last night. I heard him wake up once, talk to himself for about 30 seconds, and then go back to sleep again, which is HUGE because he usually wants a bottle to go back to sleep.

And oh my goodness, I woke up this morning and all is right with the world. I wake up a 6am to get some work done before the kids get up. This morning, I didn't roll over and fall back asleep. I bounced out of bed, wrote five articles in an hour and even....GOT DRESSED.

It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do. Considering I hadn't slept through the night since Jan 5th, 2009 (the day I went into the hospital) it was kind of a big deal. Can we all collectively cross our fingers and hope that this was not a fluke? I would appreciate it.