Mom Dating

(Me and my best friend Erin in Edmonton at age 16. Much simpler times.)

Ironically, me and my best friend since childhood were just chatting on the phone about this very issue two days ago. We were like... how is it so easy for us to be friends, yet so hard to make nice with other people with children.

My palms are sweaty. I wonder if my breath smells OK and I check my outfit in the mirror. Am I headed on a hot date? No... I'm going to a play date with someone new.

I always lament that finding friends when you're a parent is a whole new ball game. Even for someone outgoing and friendly-ish as myself. No, you can't just make friends at school or hang out with your coworkers. You have MOM DATE.

Mom dating is what I call when you meet another mom. You have to court each other to make sure your relationship is going to work. You have to try a few mom dates before you can get into a comfortable relationship where you can just call each other out of the blue. You have to make sure that your kids are compatible and that you approve of her parenting style. You have to ensure that you have similar schedules and similar budgets. Anything less than a perfect match will render only a casual relationship.

I've been extremely lucky in the friend department. When I first moved to Utah, I was going from an environment of always having a super awesome support group of friends to literally knowing NO ONE here. Now I have awesome friends who understand my barely tolerant attitude towards children, my super busy schedule, and my hatred for indoor playgrounds. But it wasn't easy to build. When I first had kids I didn't realize how much it changes the friend-making process.

Even with my awesome friends, I still keep an eye out for the mom I want to "date" next. I should write a personal ad:

Wanted: A laid back lady with a sense of humor. Must have children who don't annoy me. Must enjoy making fun of other parents. Bonus if she can bake things and make double portions for me. Must not be clingy or say things like "Why didn't you call?" because I probably won't. Must like shopping sans children.

Is that so much to ask? I swear, I had an easier time committing to Justin than I have with moving from casual acquaintance territory to call-on-the-phone-and-complain-about-my-children territory. Until then it's nice-nice Jae, but not the sarcastic and cranky Jae that everyone knows and loves. In the meantime, my super awesome groups of friends from Canada, from my new town, from TRHM's and from work get to enjoy me as is, sometimes with kids tagging along, and other times while stuffing our faces alone.

Wait... does that make me a mom whore?