Friday Confessional

Umm yeah let's dust off this one. What gems could you possibly not know about me by now, I wonder? How about:

-I believe I am the last known fan of Lou Bega. Seriously, Mambo #5? How did that song ever go off the air? When I was like 15, I had a Lou Bega doll. Who sang. And danced. And I had no friends.
-Baby photo contests annoy me. YES WE ALL THINK YOUR KID IS CUTE. Stop needing validation. Can I go back to sharing videos like this on Facebook? PS when you send me a link I never vote. Passive resistance y'all.
- I'm a better comedian than I am empathizer. That is to say, if you're having a bad day, don't call me to commiserate. I suck at it. Instead, call me to listen to me make fun of you and your life until you laugh. I can handle that. Otherwise I get awkward and sweaty.
-Nearly everything makes me feel awkward and sweaty.
-Losing to my brother at iPhone scrabble makes me want to punch a puppy. I AM SMARTER.
-I love watching the news. Not because I need to know current events, but because I love watching newscasters flub their lines and try to create witty banter. It's so unnatural and I love every minute of it.
-I wake up every morning to Dave Matthew's Band's "Angel." It's soothing, OK?
-I'm a pretty terrible cook. Like, I can make a passable meal... but I hate the process and the cleanup so anytime Justin suggests getting a pizza I pretend like I had a big dinner planned while calling in an order. "I don't know... I was going to make mushroom-topped steaaaa - hi, can I get a large pepperoni?"
-Teen Mom makes me cry.
-Hallmark commercials make me cry.
-My brothers relaying secondhand sad stories makes me cry. This makes them laugh.

You know, that felt pretty good! Maybe the Friday Confessional will be coming back out to play more often!