Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Sign of True Genius

Remember that scene from A Beautiful Mind, where Russel Crowe, who is playing whats-his-bucket, the genius? (I totally just googled it, its John Nash.) Anyhow, he is working on his mathematical equations on a window, trying to come up with a brilliant theory, and you're sitting there thinking, wow, this guy is crazy smart - even though you have absolutely no idea what he's writing or even what it means, there is just a general air of geniousity to him, so you KNOW.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my patent-pending laundry routine.

I know, I know what you're thinking. Much like John Nash, my calculations cannot be understood by the outside eye. It makes sense only to me, and to me it is pure brilliance. This "pile" of clothes is actually an in depth and precise sortng system worth of a Nobel Prize. I'll share the inner workings of my mind with you now, in hopes that one day there is a movie made about my genius/madness. (Also, if we're going to do this can I ask that someone hot like Kate Beckinsale play me? Or maybe even Reese Witherspoon, if she were willing to dye her hair. Honestly, if I am dead and gone by the time they make the movie about me, I am trusting the general public to be outraged if I am played by a blonde.)

So, I go a good two weeks between laundry. I hate doing it, and usually it is started by Justin when he runs out of everything. I have quadruple the clothes he does, and I'll even start wearing my 'B' List clothes before doing laundry (You know we all have 'B' List clothes... they aren't your favourite, but they keep you from being naked.) So Justin will haul two giant buckets of clothing down to our laundry room and dump them out, then come back for two more. So four buckets of clothing are strewn about in no particular order ,and he'll throw a few loads in. More often than not, a load will get forgotten about in the shuffle, sit in the washer for three days and start to smell like worms. So I'll wash that one again. Finally I'll jump in the fray while Justin is working, and finish it up. Then haul the buckets upstairs. Now, we used to leave the clothes in the buckets, but found that they NEVER, EVER got put away. So Justin formulated a new plan where he dumps the clothes all over the bed so we CANNOT GO TO BED without putting them away. Now this is four buckets of clothes. Four. They cover the bed and spill onto the floor and cause me to have severe anxiety attacks.

So I invented my amazing laundry system in order to keep my sanity, and allow me to watch The Bachelor while I tackle the task. When it comes to life, I am easy going, messy and disorganized. When it comes to clothes, my babies, I am uncharacteristically anal-retentive. Everything must sorted according to style, sleeve length and preference before it ever touches the closet. So the piles you see above are actually carefully folded into categories: T-shirts, long sleeved t's, workout pants, pajama pants, tank tops, clothes that need to be hung up, jeans, khaki-type pants and shorts. (YES! SHORTS! Its finally warm here.) Then, when everything is in it's place, I put them away. Items that are actaully hung up in the closet (aka the 'A' List) are hung by sleeve length, tank tops, shirt, 3/4 and long, then jackets, dresses, and pants. Stuff to be put away in the dresser. Now let me explain about my dresser. I love it. My brother in law made it and it is gargantuan. Let's check out a little break down of how it is structured:

As you can see, I have 6 drawers, Justin has one, with one drawer for community socks and another for hiding Canadian candy.

All in all, the process takes about 90 minutes. But I KNOW it is the best way to do laundry. Ever. You ask me where something is, I not only know exactly where to find it, I know where to find its co-ordinates on a GPS.

I know alot of people don't understand individuals like John Nash and me. It's okay. I don't expect them to. That kind of raw, pure, unadulterated genius is hard to grasp.


Sara said...

Oh my gosh Jae, that whole post made me laugh so hard. Especially when I saw the picture of the dresser and stared closely thinking "Does one of those really say candy??" I will admit it. You are in fact brilliant.

Morgan and Derek said...

You are now my best friend. (If you weren't already before, just so you know.)

Laundry is painful. Seriously, very painful. Our pack n play is now currently full of clothes I keep swearing to put away.

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