Wednesday, May 14, 2008

TV Guide: Summer Session

I hate summer. I know, weird right? I hate the heat and I don't do very well in it. In fact, I get pretty cranky. Its the season that never ends, you're still turning your air conditioning on in like, October and wishing for snow. I know, it's so typically Canadian to like the cold, but really.

The only thing I really enjoy about the summer is the fact that all major TV networks stop trying to be serious and innovative with their programming. No more CSI, no more Law and Order, no more Lost (Sorry, Kate. I know you love Lost but I missed two episodes and have no idea what's even happening.)

Instead, they replace all of their big-budget juggernauts with crappy reality smut, and I LOVE IT. There is nothing in this entire universe I can appreciate more after a long day of work and chasing after Addison and paying bills and being nice to people than a terrible reality show that has nothing to do with anything. It gives my brain a rest, and it fulfills my constant love of making fun of people. On scripted shows, you can't make fun because it's acting. Reality shows are fair game, and I can't resist a cheap shot.

Let me give you a rundown of the top three:

So You Think You Can Dance-

I love this show because I secretly want to be a dancer. But not just any dance. A krumper. Is krumper even a word? Probably not, but I still want to be one. You know those giant black guys in hoodies who just bounce? See an example here; LOVE. And if anyone were to see me in the afternoons when I am running around, they would know I listen to rap and pretend to be one. I covet giant black guys. I also can't say I mind the foxy people they pick to be on the show. Neil from last season? I think so.
Rating : 4 Stars for eye candy.

The Bachelor/Bachelorette-

So we just finished a season of the Bachelor (Yay for Matt and Shayne!) which I watch pretty much religiously. Why? I LOVE STUPID GIRLS. They always manage to say something idiotic like "MY biological clock is ticking." And they fight with each other, fingers wagging and heads snapping, and it is my own little heaven. This season is a Bachelorette, using one of the girls that was rejected a couple seasons ago, Deanna. Which is weird. I mean, she's a pretty girl and all, but she BLINKS. And not like a normal person, like someone is constantly throwing pepper in her eyes. I don't know if I'm going to make it through the whole season because it will annoy me, but I'll give it a try. The sad thing about the Bachelorette is that you've got 25 guys living in a house together, and no drama whatsoever. Instead they watch football and drink.
Rating: 3 Stars for excessive blinkage and lack of crying.

American Gladiators-

I LOVE THIS SHOW. So much I could cry. When I find out it's on it puts me in a good mood for days. It's just as good as the old version, which I remember watching on Saturday mornings with my brothers on our old orange couch. The new version seems to be more violent than I remember the old one to be. And did anyone see Monday night? A GUY WITH ONE LEG WAS COMPETING!! Its beautiful!! Not to mention I secretly love the Gladiator named Titan, he is Captain America with a heart of gold. And I have a girl crush on the new Gladiator Jet.
Rating: 5 Stars for the guiltiest of guilty pleasures.

I can't wait to see what horrible crap the networks put out this summer. I heard there was a new dating show called Momma's Boy where the mom's get to pick their son's wife. Sounds very promising.


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