Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A Diaper Bag Story

I consider myself somewhat of a diaper bag connoisseur. I've gone through many, and I am constantly sizing up other womens. Note: I judge you based on your diaper bag. For instance, one time a mother came to church with the most over packed diaper bag ever known to man (including sunscreen in February) and I judged that she was psychotic.

Out here, diaper bags are a sign of status. You see women walking around with their handcrafted Petunia Picklebottom or whatever they are called bags, and know that they've dropped a small fortune on a bag that still looks like it carries old milk and plastic key rings. In the world of diaper bags, it's all about the pink and brown colour combo, the option of a wipe case, and how many bottle compartments there are.

That being said, I hate diaper bags.

To me, the really obvious ones scream "I give up!" much like Mom Jeans or these really ugly shoes (would it KILL you to pick up a cute flat?). So in my two and a half years of mothering, I've cycled through six bags, trying to find my perfect fit. I like to buy a new one every season, so even if I really love the bag, if it's a winter on and summer is coing up, I buy a new one. Heaven FORBID anyone ever accuse me of mixing seasons. THE HORROR.


This was my first diaper bag. It was a SUPER traditional diaper bag. It actually fared pretty well, because I refused to be the sole food giver to my baby and pumped alot, and my pump came to work with me (One time, a FedEx guy came into my office while I was pumping facign the computer, and demanded I sign for a package, not knowing what I was doing. I refused three times, until he persisted and I turned around with the pump still attached to me and yelled "ALRIGHT! Where do I sign?" and he said "I'll take care of it and practically ran out of the building.") So basically, I had alot of gear. Newborns have a lot of gear.


As soon as I stopped pumping, I nixed this bag. I'm pretty sure it was viewable from space, like the Great Wall of China. I didn't want astronauts knowing I was a mom anyhow. So I bought a much smaller Aeropostale Bag IN WHITE and carried that around for a few months. Buying a while canvas bag was a classic new mom mistake. So stupid. The thing was filthy all the time. Any time a bottle spilled in the bag it would leak through and turn an unappetizing brown colour, leaving me to sneak out of the mall/movies/church with it hiding under my arm. White bag lasted surprisingly long, but after the 9,655th time in the wash I gave up and got a new one.


I got a messenger bag style that I thought Justin would be more comfortable carrying. He wasn't. This bag was lovely, with lots of pockets and places to stash things, and I never had to carry both a purse and a diaper bag again, everything was just tucked away neatly. I would have kept tis bag forever, except that my vanity in the new summer season, where everything was all slouchy and hobo, and I was left in the dust with my structured messenger bag.


I bought a hobo instead. I actually loved this bag too. It was cute and red and HUGE and fit under my arm, and it was in style, so I knew no one could even tell that there were diapers hidden inside. I carried my red bag for a good 5 or 6 months. The inside was even washable! The only thing I hated about it was it's giant pockets, leaving me to dig for my keys for hours on end.

When winter came, guess what, hobo's weren't in style anymore. I already had a small designer purse that only fit keys, a cell phone and sunglasses at the very most, and decided that for winter I'd like something more designer. So I bought this one, which I loved. It was my first brush with the "satchel" style, and I remain a fan today. Not only can you wear it up on your shoulder, but you can wear it over your arm like Jackie O. I still have this bag and am keeping it for next winter, where it will be appropriate again, because I loved this one the best. I took it out everywhere, leaving my poor designer bag behind even when I didn't have Addison with me.

Pretend this is white.

But, summer came, and I wanted a huge, oversized bag in white. I searched for weeks for this one. It's by Marc Ecko, and is the mother of all bags. I bet when he designed it, he didn't even think some mom was going to take it and jam a case of wipes in there. It is so big that I used it as my carry on bag last time I flew with Addison. It even holds a few coloring books! I read once that the bigger your bag is, the smaller you look. I must look like a freakin' dwarf.

So, for now, I have a closet full of rejected diaper bags until I find THE ONE. I refuse to carry anything that was made for the express purpose of being a diaper bag, because of the obviousness of their purpose. Call me vain, I'm just not ready for it yet. (Although, those ugly shoes do come in red...)


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