Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Birds

Let me preface this all by saying that my mom rented Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds for me around age seven. SEVEN. And since then I have lived my life in fear of birds. Crows are the worst, but basically anything with flappy wings that darts around without a pattern scares the poop out of me.

So.

For those of you that don't know, we live in a log house. Which seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. A log house! That sounds awesome, and mountain man-esque! Let's do it. And most of the time, I really do love our house. I comment all the time that since we poured so much blood, sweat and tears into the thing, that it often seems like a member of the family to me. Like, yes, here are my darling children, Addison and Andrew, my husband, Justin. Oh, and here is our house.

But!

There are some times that I curse the very idea that came into our heads when we decided to buy a log house.

Why?

BIRDS. Since our house is basically a giant TREE, birds from all over the city come to nest here. Which is like, okay whatever, they're outside, so what does it matter? Well, besides the face that birds don't sleep in past 5:30 and herald the morning with loud squawking, they have also figured out a way to get IN our house.

This spring, a mommy bird built her nest in one of the logs on the back of the home. She happily laid her eggs there and nurtured them until they hatched. I know this because I heard them squeaking for food when they were born. Aw, I thought, how sweet!

Then the baby birds got bigger. And louder. And Wouldn't. Stop.

And every so often, a bird would suddenly be in our house. I frequently have the windows open, so I figured that's how they were getting in. Until yesterday, when I engaged in an eight hour stand off with six, SIX birds in my house. Like, WHAT THE HECK!

It started in the morning; Justin and I awoke to the sound of a bird flapping around in the living room and flying into the windows (as a cruel trick, the entire front of our home is windows.) He went out, as I am terrified of birds, and let the bird out of one of the windows on the main floor.

Then he left for work. And the birds kept coming. And coming. And flying into windows and WAKING MY BABY UP. I spent all morning running down the stairs while flailing my arms wildly, opening the window and running upstairs again to hide in my bedroom. This happened SIX times in the course of the day. I sent a message to Justin every time I had to let another one out.

And then Addison informed me that there was a bird. Asleep. In her bed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have NEVER said a swear word in my life. But that was the closest I've ever come. EVER. I had a MAJOR, not minor heart attack and screamed that we were quite possibly THE WORST PARENTS EVER for letting a bird DIE in our daughter's bed.

Just thinking about it now forces bile into my throat.

Anyhow, after much investigation, Justin discovered that birds had nested so deep into the log, that they had actually found a passage into one of our walls. The birds that were pestering me all day were the baby birds who had finally grown old enough to fly, and had chosen, for whatever reason, to fly up the wall and out through our vent instead of going outside.

Luckily, they have all left the nest, and after a hearty Bon Voyage! from me, were sent on their way. Except for the one who flew into Addison's wall and bit the dust in her bed. (Her bed sheets are currently be BOILED, and he was unceremoniusly flung out the window by Justin as I shrieked in the background.) I think they are finally all gone.

So let's run through this really quick:
Log house
Baby birds
Baby birds flying around my house
Baby bird dead in Addison's bed
Never build a log house

Right.

4 comments:

Morgan and Derek said...

Wow. Six is kind of a lot. Wow.

Sheriece said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I would have freaked out too.

Are you also afraid of moths? I get them in my house all the time and I'm pretty much petrified of them, especially the hummingbird moth we had last year. And for the same reasons - their erratic crazy flying. YUCK.

J.T. and KristaLyn said...

I just called PETA to inform them of the cruelty you imposed on those poor birds.

Jen said...

Yikes--I have a slight (ok large) fear of birds too! We have one w/ a nest in the gutter by the front door--and it totally creeps me out! I would flip if they came inside!

 
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